ArpitGarg's Weblog

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Lalit Modi, Sushma Swaraj saga: Who said what and What they really meant

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Disclaimer: This post is an art of fiction, laced with humour and should be read accordingly.
Time is a great leveller. The Lalit-Sushma saga that has been unfolding has brought a lot of people riding on morally high horse, thrashing to the ground. Like all of you, I have been following the story, given a lot of free time I have! A lot of people has given a lot of statements over last few days.
Obviously they were camouflaging the real statements. Let’s try and find out what they really meant.

1. Sushma Swaraj:

 
What she said?

I took a humanitarian view. What benefit did I pass on to Lalit Modi – that he could sign consent papers for surgery of his wife suffering from Cancer ?

What she really meant?

Phas Gayi ri Sushma. Thought Lalit Modi was some relative of Narendra Modi. Ek Modi ne Minister banaya. Doosra le dooba. A lot of people are dying in India. Lot’s of slum dwellers right here in Delhi. I am happy that their slums are demolished. No humanitarian consideration for them. But Modi is the new Gandhi. All should know. 

2. Rahul Gandhi:

 
What he said:

Who is Lalit Modi? He is man of black money. Now Narendra Modi ji is saving another Modi. BJP can say all they want to, but the truth is that PM is saving a man with black money.

 
What he really meant:

Everyone who cut my holiday short, have to bear the brunt now. And I really don’t know Why is Lalit Modi? Please help me out here. I don’t even know what black money is, I only know black coffee. They handed me a script and I just read it. Waiting for next foreign holiday…

3. Rajnath Singh:

 
What he said:

We want to make it clear that whatever she has done is right. We justify it and the government completely stands by her.

What he really meant:

Bhad me Jao Sab ke Sab. Mere beta toj jaise taise bach gaya. Abki baar, Sushma ki Haar. I am least interested in all this. My post has anyways be made ceremonial by Modiji. Do whatever you want to do. I am too old for all this now.

4. Digvijay Singh:

 
What he said:

I want to ask the Prime Minister, I want to ask finance minister, why are they keeping quiet? Is he a fugitive? We want to know?

What he really meant:

I want go ask God, “Why Rahul Gandhi…Why…What mistake have I done”? I want to ask Sonia Gandhi, why she brought Rahul to the world? Is he really human? We want to know? Uh…My Son got married…now time for me to get married. Yay!

5. P. Chidambaram:

 
What he said:

The complete answer to Mr Lalit Modi’s accusations against UPA can be found in the letters to the UK Chancellor. Release them.

What he really meant:

I retired knowing that I won’t be re-elected. I walk fast and look busy, it keeps from knowing how dumb I am. I got a zero in Economics 101 in exam. What else could I give the country. I myself lost crores in share market. And they wonder why economy was ruined!. Ha…ha.

6: Lalu Yadav:

 
What he said:

Sushma Swaraj is a woman. She should not be pestered over the issue. Political parties should not pester her more.

What he really meant:

Ei toh saala hona hi tha. Ab chara kha ke gobar hi niklega, sona toh nahin niklega. She is a woman, don’t pester her. I am a senior citizen. Don’t pester me too. Waise bhi bahut preshan hoon, budbak!

7: Ram Gopal Yadav:

 
What he said:

Political parties often help people on humanitarian grounds. Sushma Swaraj has a long outstanding political career. Why will she take a favour from Lalit Modi?. It was totally on humanitarian grounds.

What he really meant:

My minister got a reporter burnt alive. Central Govt. hasn’t yet asked for details. You should know why. Tu meri kuhja, mein teri khujaoon! We also need the help on same humanitarian grounds to sustain the Jungle Raaj!

8. Sharad Pawar:

What he said:

I bumped into Lalit Modi while having lunch at a London restaurant three-four weeks ago. I told him he should come back to India and face the law. 

 
What he really meant:

What a bump that was. Like a bump caught! Junta is fool. They have believed my nonsense all this time. They will believe this too. I bumped into Lalit Modi in the big London city while having Lunch by chance. They will also believe that I advised him to face the law. They will also believe I am the Queen of England

9. Arun Jaitley:

 
What he said:

Swaraj’s decisions were bonafide and she acted in good faith. The entire government and party are one on the matter. The minister is capable of taking decisions on her own. When she needs to seek government approval she will do that.

What he really meant:

Foreign relations have improved faster than the economy. She was edging past me in performance. Good riddance! Goverment and party is together on the conclusion that She has taken her the decision all alone. So please humko baksho.

10. Kirti Azad:

 
What he said:

#BJPs #AsteenKaSaanp & #Arnab conspire against BJP leaders. Guess the snake? IStandWithSushmaSwaraj @SushmaSwaraj

What he really meant:

Because of Jaitley, I couldn’t rise in Cricket Administration. I stand with anyone who is against Jaitley. Waise bhi mujhe kuch bhi bolne ki aadat hai. Meri sunta hi kaun hai!

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Written by arpitgarg

June 17, 2015 at 6:00 pm

Posted in Funny

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