Archive for July 2011
Top 5 Tips for Girls to Gain Weight
Of late size zero has become a phenomenon. Humanity has never lost so much weight in history as today. What girls tend to forget is that guys like curves. Slim figure is welcome but zero is not. Most thin girls have a phobia that by gaining weight they will look fat. First of all they should shed this inhibition. A little bit of chubbiness adds to the beauty anytime.
For all those single girls whom I have been able to brainwash into gaining weight by my above appeal, here are certain easy tips. Follow them and you will thrive and men will hover around like a beehive.
Tip No 1 – Find a Guy who lives alone
It’s quite easy to find a guy in metro cities who is working there and lives away from family alone. Such guys tend to eat out most of the times rather than cooking. You will start eating out too. Eating out regularly will add that missing kilos in no time.
Tip No 2 – Hit the bed long
Getting lots of sleep is one of the easiest ways to gain weight. A minimum of 8 hours sleep is necessary. Anything above is a bonus. This way weight gain would be like a dream come true.
Tip No 3 – Beer it
Over the centuries ‘Beer belly’ has been one of the most controversial phrase. But it works and how. Drink beer regularly for a month and you wouldn’t believe how lovely you look with those plum cheeks.
Tip No 4 – Don’t flunk the junk
Go junkie! Those Big Macs, fries, pizzas, pastas are a sure shot path towards glory. Never be scared of the food. Eat as much and as junk as you can.
Tip No 5 – Get married
Easiest of them all! Scientists have been wondering over the years as to why Indian women gain weight so quickly as soon as they get married. Regardless of the reason behind, it works. The only flip side is that you are married now.
Bonus Tip: Call me!
Reincarnations of the Modern Kind
When a Rajinikant movie is released, there are poojans and processions all around. The fans have relegated a mere human to the status of God. In fact over the period of history, there have been several such cases when humans have performed such feats that the followers became worshippers.
They say there is God in all of us. Let’s consider it true for a while. Let’s try and identify the almighty who walk among us and whose reincarnation are they.
| 1. Shiva | America |
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The Destroyer. A handsome young man, meditating and minding his own business, when disturbed unnecessarily, opens his third eye and wreaks havoc on the world.Who more similar than America, A place for opportunities, an inviting habitat. But when Japan carried out an unprovoked attack on Pearl Harbor, retaliation was swift and deadly. Even Taliban would agree! Revered and Feared |  |
| 2. Rama | Sachin Tendulkar |
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The Maryada Purshottama. Unswerving self control and virtue. The composure and patience never wore out. Perfect adherence to dharma.The choice is unanimous. Sachin Tendulkar. An ideal man and a perfect human. Need I say more? |  |
| 3. Ganesha | Pranab Mukherjee |
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Vighnharta. This son of Shiva, hailed as the Remover of Obstacles.For the past 7 years of UPA rule, Pranab Mukherjee is the one to whom Congress run in dire situations, he is Vighnharta for sure. |  |
| 4. Hanuman | Manmohan Singh |
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The devotee. Served Rama from the heart. Manmohan Singh was the right hand man of Sonia Gandhi when she was bidding for PM post. Once she decided to sacrifice, her ardent devotee was rewarded. Ever since 7, Race Course has hardly disobeyed 10, Janpath. |  |
| 5. Durga | Mamta Banerjee |
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Feminine Force. The Devi riding a lion with a smile. Fearless.Mamta Banerjee has fought against the system for last 35 years in West Bengal single handedly. Her only weapon being her fearless and killer attitude. Durga came into full force in 2011 assembly elections when she ran over her opponents. |  |
| 6. Lakshmi | Jayalalita |
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The goddess of wealth, wisdom, prosperity. Sheer good luck and wealth to all the devotees.When IT dept. raided Jayalalita’s premsies, everyone was astounded to see the wealth. She promises her voters cash and kind if they bring her to power. |  |
| 7. Krishna | Akshay Kumar |
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The prankster. The raas-leela. An ideal lover. The Supreme Being. The Gyaan of Geeta.Akshay Kumar has always been known to be a ladies’ man. The pranks played by him on his co-stars are a part of a legend. The wit and humor is unquestionable. |  |
| 8. Annapurna | Big Bazaar |
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Goddess of food. Supplies food to people.In today’s world its Big Bazaar which fills the hungry stomach. From food to fruit, everything you get by making a wish to Big Bazaar. |  |
| 9. Vishnu | Common Man |
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The preserver and protector of creation. Mercy and goodness. It’s a self-existent entity.The Common Man by R K Laxman has been the face of aam aadmi since eternity. As witty as Vishnu and representing the facets of humanity akin to various avatars. |  |
जल उठी धरती फिर
फिर हुआ स्तम्भ विस्तंभ आज,
छाती चौड़ी, अब जीता डरके,
गम में मुस्कराना, गहरा राज|
कुछ घना, कुछ गहरा, एक साया,
चहचहा उठे पंची सारे, सांझ भई,
धड़कन बढ़ी, सकुचा, दिल घबराया,
पुराने सब काल हुए, दुर्घटना नई|
कितने हँसे, कितने रोये, क्या गिनती,
मुखौटे से दिखे सब, मूक मय अवाक,
ग्रसित हैं, मुक्त करो, बस यही विनती,
कुछ न बचा, साथ गयी झूठी साख|
एक बटन दबा, एक घनघोर ध्वनी,
चिथड़े उड़े, हर ओर गिरे, सब शांत,
चीख भी उसकी, न निकली, न सुनी,
रो उठे सागर, हिंद से लेकर प्रशांत|
लाचार लगे अब, कुछ न कर पाऊँ,
शीश महल, अब नहीं बचा, चूर-चूर,
घर कब्जाया, खतरा, अब कहाँ जाऊं,
पास था साहिल, लगे अब दूर-दूर|
शैतान था वो, कुकृत्य किया जिसने,
बेबाक जिंदगी, न कभी जिए डरके,
सरफ़रोश हुआ, तृप्त-अमृत पिया उसने
जल उठी धरती जब धू धू करके|
न भूल सका
पहली बार जो तुझको देखा था,
शरमाई औ सकुचाई सी थी,
कुछ डरी औ कुछ घबराई सी थी,
भूला मैं यह सब कुछ, न भूल सका,
बस तेरे चेहरे पर आती हुई वो लट|
बच रही थी तू मुझसे, कौन है यह?
शायद कुछ ज्यादा ही उतावला था मैं,
तिर्छी निगाहों से वैसे, देख रही थी तू,
भूला मैं यह सब कुछ, न भूल सका,
बस तेरी वो पहली नश्तर सी हँसी|
दो घंटे इंतज़ार करवाया था तूने,
पहली बार मिले थे जब हम तुम,
ऐसी नादान बन रही थी तू, क्या कहता,
भूला मैं यह सब कुछ, न भूल सका,
बस तेरी वो बिंदी जो कुछ टेढ़ी थी|
लम्बी लम्बी बातें तेरी, नहीं ख़त्म,
जो होती थी, पक-पक पक-पक तेरी,
न जाने कब अच्छी लगने लगी थी,
भूला मैं यह सब कुछ, न भूल सका,
बस तेरा वो तकिया-कलाम, हाय|
निगाहों का नशा तेरा, रिश्ता मेरा,
तेरा रूठना, मनाना मेरा, पल छिन,
वो प्यार से तेरा मुझ पे मुक्के बरसना,
भूला मैं यह सब कुछ, न भूल सका,
बस तेरी वो आखों की सरफरोशी|
तेरा मेरे पास आना, दूर जाना, सताना,
रोकना मुझे, प्यार बरसना, कतराना,
तेरे नखरे सहना, तुझे कुछ न कहना,
भूला मैं यह सब कुछ, न भूल सका,
बस वो सारे ख्वाब जो तेरे नाम किये||
Top 5 Modern Means to Ease Tension
| 1. Divorce | |
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A two faced dragon. Post the concept of divorce, couples has been eased out of tension of living unhappily together. It gives a shot at starting life afresh and get out of the lifelong agony. |
| 2. AC | |
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In hot and humid conditions, mind is not able to reach its optimum production level. Air Conditioning has solved this altogether. Even in extreme conditions, we can choose to live at whatever temperature we want. How the AC soothes our mind and rejuvenates us in those summers. |
| 3. Chocolate Sundae | |
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There is nothing like a hot fudge, whipped cream Chocolate Sundae that sooth our nerves. After a tiring day, a sundae relieves us like nothing else. Modern life has its goodies to offer. |
| 4. Bungee Jumping | |
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Not for the faint hearted. The thrill remains us for life. Try it once and you will never be scared in life. It adds thrill to a boring life and eases our mind. |
| 5. Combat Video Games | |
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Beating the hell out of someone is an age old solution to ease tension. We can beat, kill, and destroy anyone and anything in this virtual world. Believe you me the thrill is the same. Play a “Beat you Boss” at the end of a tiring day and it will outperform a glass of Beer. |
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