Posts Tagged ‘life’
Introspection
Have you ever wondered that you have already encountered the feeling that you are experiencing right now? People called it déjà vu. I call it cyclicity of life, borne out of out innate nature. It happens to me time and again and I start facing similar dilemma, similar choices that I have already faced few years back. I used to wonder why.
It is due to our characteristic behavior. We make certain decisions, take certain steps in our life which lead us to a certain point. And since we are the same person, we would come to the similar point in life if we keep taking similar decisions, making similar choices.
Question would be why as humans are we not able to change. Well the answer is not so simple. We keep on learning things, we feel we are changing, but not so much. We are born with certain genetic makeup which is not susceptible to change, however much we try. It’s true for us common folk at least. And it seems there is not much we can do about it.
So, what can be done? I think the best we can do is to take time out and introspect. Most of us get so caught up in the rat race of life, we never take a pause and recollect what we have done till now. It helps a lot if we do. It might not change that subconscious setup of ours, but would give too much fodder to build upon. Faced with similar choices, we might be able to tinker little bit and diverge from “what could have been”.
More than our deeds, the postmortem of the actions is useful. If we make it a routine to introspect, it would help us grow.
Destiny is what we build
Why I feel lost so much,
Why I am holding a grudge,
Where has the direction gone,
What is it that I mourn.
Seasons change round the year,
Phases of moon obscure clear,
Why I feel am in slump,
What is it that I grump.
I hate to make people sad,
I somehow feel myself bad,
Where do I find the way,
What is it that I betray.
Root of it all is in me,
Pathetic shield I cannot see,
Like a ship on auto mode,
What is it that I unload.
I have to get myself out,
Won’t help just to shout loud,
Bear in mind it might be tough,
Take a stand, enough is enough.
Day and Night, Night and Day,
Act now, don’t just sit and pray,
Destiny is what we build,
All dreams to be fulfilled.
How fast time flies
Recently one of my relatives gave me a call. Their son had got selected in JEE and they wanted some advice on which IIT/discipline to select. While in conversation, I recalled it’s been 12 years since I did the same exercise. 12 years. Seems like yesterday. But the figure 12 pointed to the time that has gone by.
Made me wonder how fast time flies. I was a teenager then and am 30 today. A dozen years. In those dozen years, I graduated, worked with 3 investment banks, got promoted, worked on 2 failed startups, fell in love, got married; went through myriad of emotions. If I reflect back I have lived a lifetime and an enterprising life in these dozen years. It seems yesterday when I clicked on computer to check my JEE rank.
How can I have both emotions together? How could I have lived a lifetime in the blink of an eye. I think the secret lies in living the moments. I have lived the moments that came by, and hence I treasure each and every moment, with limited regrets. These years went by so smoothly that I don’t feel the burden of the time went by.
A dozen years ago, I used to get overwhelmed by situations; I used to think a lot about circumstances; I used to take a lot of tension. Sometime down the line I made a promise to myself, I will not over analyze situations and will take as less tension as possible. It changed my life. I completely avoid people, situations that give me/have potential to give me tension. People don’t like that, but it lets me be happy and worry free.
Some might call it running away, I don’t care what it is called. I believe I have limited life. Why the hell do I run into everything? Like me you also have option of ‘not running into’ all and sundry. Chill and live your life with as less worry as possible. In next dozen years or so, I again want to look back to years as ‘lived a lifetime in blink of an eye’.
5 years down the line
This is a common question which someone or the other might have asked you. Where do you see yourself 5 years down the line? Mostly it is an interview question to which we give a parrot reply. Hardly do we give any thought to this in real.
Do one thing. Go back 5 years in time and analyze if you are where you wanted to be 5 years down the line? I predict the standard deviation would be too high. The difference between dream and reality. We can owe it to a lot of factors. Not always is the difference negative. Many chances that you have achieved more than you hoped for. There are chances that you have not achieved as much. We can owe it to lack of foresight or divine powers to look into the future.
How to make things better? I would suggest make 3-4 years goal. And analyze if you are on track regularly. At the end of the period if still you have not achieved what you bid out for, time to either change the goals (as you might not be interested in what you aimed for), or time for serious introspection.
Throwing away the life aimlessly is no good. Have some aim; however stupid or vague. You will feel good working for it. You will feel like getting up in the morning. Else this long life without the answer to, “Why we are here” will be a long slog.
Sick pleasure of our struggle
How the tide turns! I have read this phrase here and there, but never really understood the import of this, save for now. Suddenly all that was rosy turns to thorns. All of a sudden rain into downpour. Gentle breeze becomes tornado; a soothing wave becomes tsunami.
We humans struggle with ourselves all our lives. We fight the inner demons, wanting to be victorious. More often than not we lose. What are these inner demons? Maybe they are imbedded by the creator on purpose. To keep us in check. Or maybe just a for the purpose of some sick game he is playing. Pitting us against our inner self.
I feel we are not alone. Our single body houses us and a demon. It keeps us busy with a struggle so futile. This demon comes into its colors during crisis. A struggle we are destined to lose. A carrot of a hope, with a stick following.
Just when you are happy, the doom beckons. It comes in different avatars. It actions via different beings. It can make you harm yourself; make a loved one harm you. Without a prior warning, it jumps onto you. Catching you unawares.
Such is the tide of time. We feel we have a winning chance. But when have the puppets won. We are but at masters whims and fancies. Like a wicked child playing with toys. We do what makes the child tick. Hence our actions makes no sense most of the times.
We should give into the all-power. There is no point to struggle. It’s not our battle to win. Don’t give him the sick pleasure of your struggle.
Tests of Life
I don’t remember the yaksha tale completely. But there were a set of questions to be answered to attain something. Clearing hurdles and attaining the goal has been a common thread all through our texts.
Some akin it to the way life is. It takes tests at times and what you achieve next depends on the how you perform. Such periods of life lets you understand the reality of a lot of charades. The real face as we can call it.
It’s very important not just to sail through such tests but also remember the period. Who decided to stand by you and who deserted you. It helps not only to gain perspective but also lets you an insight for the future.
Life is short if you make it fun. Life is long if you make it sad. For myself I would choose to keep fun and not let myself be bogged down. If people choose to stand by me, it would be good; if they decide otherwise, even better.
Some people say, after hard work comes the comfort. They might be wrong. There might be further hardships. My view is, even if there are further hardships, I would atleast be trained better to handle them.
Weekends: End of a Romance
There are days when Thursday feels like advent of weekend. Then there are days when Friday feels like a weekday still. I am sure most of us would have had this feeling one time or the other.
What leads to these emotions? Sometimes if the work is less on Thu, the mood remains jolly and we feel a fake Fri. Probably a Fri with lots of work makes us forget the charming Sat/Sun. Then there are long weekends (with Fri a holiday) and there are working Sat.
As I grow older, the boundaries are somewhat getting blurred. I am able to schedule my work better. Find time on weekdays if I want, work on weekends if so required. The charm of weekends seems to have watered down.
These days my activity level goes down on weekends, and I long to get back to work, just to get the kick. It would have sounded laughable to me few years ago, when all I lived was for weekends.
In fact the charm of month ends (read salary days), is also not so much now. EMI’s have probably killed the romance.
I might find some charm back of Weekends/Monthends once I have a family. At least I hope so!
Nicknames
Laal naak, Lambardaar, Kholu, Dhakkan, Steel.
Before you think I am babbling like a mad man, let me clarify. These are few nicknames I remember of my college mates. I have forgotten real names of lot of them, still remember them by nicknames.
If you try and think, nicknames are not just random, they depict a personal trait. “Real names are by birth, nicknames are based on sh** you do in life”.
There was a Laal Naak with nose as red as anything you will see. When he asked a question in class, it went even redder. Kholu was the highest rank guy in our batch. Dhakkan was the closing rank. Steel had such elasticity when it came to arguments. Even if you said earth go round the sun, he would have a nonsensical counter ready to throw back at you. There were more of such names that I can’t discuss here sadly. They were based on various body parts down south, if you know what I mean.
What these nicknames do is create new friendships. We are all new to college; A bunch of strangers thrown together. Nicknames give us a sense of family. Just like parents give us a name at birth, nicknames represent a new phase of life, with a new set of people.
When you go home and your parents call you by some silly pet name, it means something special. No one else in the world calls you by that name. Same is the case with college nickname. You get a new name at work. Another by your life partner.
Each one represents a new phase, a new life, a new birth, new experiences and new memories.
For Life
Once upon a time in the land far-far away, there was a boy. Raju was his name. He lived with his family. A hard working farmer father. A loving, caring mother. A doting elder sister. He had all the happiness in the world. Or so he thought.
A traveller came to their home in the middle of a terrible night, asking for shelter. They provided him with utmost hospitality. He related Raju stories about the place from where he had come and of the luxuries that lie there. Raju was tempted. He asked his parents to go with the stranger to the luxurious land. “I will come and get you after some time”. Parents though reluctant, ceded to their son’s request and bade him goodbye.
Raju was full of hope and enthusiasm for all the wealth and happiness coming his way. He could see tall buildings, big cars, and wealthy lifestyle. But he noticed something strange. He tried entering a building; was not allowed. He tried getting in a car, was thrown out. He tried to embrace the wealth, he was not able to. “What is this place?” he wondered. This has luxuries as told, but why are they not for me? Soon the night took over. Raju was left alone in the cold. He shivered.
A couple of ruthless, hungry nights made him age years. He took a job as a tea boy; distributed tea across the shops in the bazaar. He hoped to earn all the luxuries and bring his family here. The more he couldn’t get the wealth, the more determined he became to earn it. He never thought of going back. Time flew. He graduated from a tea boy, to a cleaner, to a peon in an office.
It has been 20 years since he left his family. He hasn’t talked to them. He still hopes to move from his kholi to a plush apartment. Each time he misses his family and wants to go back, he is filled with shame of failure and postpones it. I think deep down he too knows that this is postponement for life.
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