ArpitGarg's Weblog

An opinion of the world around me

Of Batman and Bollywood

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With anxiety about the latest Batman flick running Everest high, Christian Bale is the name on everyone’s lips. This masked and caped vigilante has brought a sense of respect to comic books, missing till now. There have been many a actors who have donned the cowl over the years ranging from the heroic Val Kilmer to the forgettable George Clooney.

This led me to wonder how would the character have panned out had our own Bollywood stars played The Batman. Let see one by one.

1. Salman Khan
The accented Khan would have suited best as when he speaks in accent he is hardly intelligible, much like Batman whisper. How awesome would it have sound.
Catwoman: “Tumne Gotham ke liye bahut kuch kiya. Ab bas karo”.

Batman: “Nahin, ek baar jo maine commitment kar di, toh main apne aap k bhi nahin sunta”.

2. Shahrukh Khan
He is no alien to wearing tight body suits and saving the town. Unlike Batman, his sign would be posing sideways with arms stretched out.

Whenever he would do that, Inspector Gordon would run into his arms with music in the background.His melodrama and his enemies would die weeping. Casting Robin for him would be a no brainer!

3. Akshay Kumar
A flirt Batman. A Kishen Kanhiyya. More like Bruce Wayne, partying with models on his yacht. His endless gags one after the another and his enemies would go insane laughing.

Dialogue: “Mein apne desh ka pehla launda hoon jo chimkadad ban ke ud riya hoon.”

4. Ajay Devgn
The Singham Batman would break the fingers when pointed at.

Aata majhi satakli, aali le aali Joker, teri baari aali. The superhero with tilted head would be famous for car chases, blowing and flying cars as he chases his enemies in Bat Car.

5. Saif Ali Khan
The cool urbane Batman with a sheepish smile.
“Ek baar mein samajh gaye ki main Batman hoon ya mein waapas ghoom ke aaoon”.

He has his readymade Batgirl in Kareena. He would roam around flirting with umpteen girls while his enemies would get eliminated. “Bade aaraam se”.

6. Aamir Khan
The perfectionist Batman. He would sleep hanging upside down at the ceiling, lest the character gets diluted. He would surgically get bat wings and paint his face black.

Instead of fighting crimes, would fly away and live with bats in their caves. His logic, Bat’s don’t fight crimes, they just hang upside down and terrorize people.

7. Abhishek Bachchan
This would be the first Batman of its kind. Liberation! Instead of the Cape, he would be donning a gown. Instead of all black, it would be all red and pink.

He would charm his enemies and live with him happily ever after.

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Written by arpitgarg

July 25, 2012 at 11:16 pm

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