ArpitGarg's Weblog

It’s a disease, It’s a disease. I have an epiphany. My whole life has not been my own life. I have never lived it on my own terms. I was led by a disease. I am an emotional fool. It’s one of the worst diseases out there. Scientists have not been able to find a cause for it and are years from a cure.

This disease, take over your mind and shrouds your judgement. It defines everything you do. It hypnotizes you to make you believe you are the master of your life, but you aren’t. A devil that is always on your back, whispering into your brain. It makes you weak, not kill you, but makes you want to die sometimes.

During tough times, this disease eats up your emotional immunity and shatters you. And it’s next to impossible to diagnose. You feel like you are doing what you believe in. You think you are doing what is right. But no, they are just the symptoms.

So what can you do? You can only take precautions. It’s a genetic disease, imbibed to your DNA. You can only suppress it once you know you have it and are strong enough to fight it. Never take snap decisions when in serious situations. You think you are doing what is correct. Maybe it is, maybe it not. But it is the disease that makes you take the instant decision. Ride it out for a while depending on the situation. Sometimes few hours, few days, few weeks. It lets the emotional fever subside and then you can take a rational decision.

I have struggled my whole life due to this. Recently I have been able to diagnose it. As a first step, I admit to myself that I have a disease. I have promised myself that I will fight and win over it. Don’t want to be the one that destroys myself.