Archive for the ‘Personal’ Category
Happy Happy Self
I was feeling it of late, but good that someone pointed it out. There is a kind of negative vibe I have been giving. A bit can be attributed to the novelty wearing off the school experience. But a lot can be attributed to not being intentional. Intentional, a funny but important word.
It’s very important to be clear in outlook in what you want to do. In personal life or career wise. Have something to drive you on. Since I folded up my startup, there was a sort of void that engulfed me. I spend time studying for GMAT, writing B-school essay’s, CFA, FRM etc. But all those were short term. Having finally arrived to school, I never planned what to do next.
I let myself be driven by what others were doing and let myself be herded in. As time went by, it became increasingly hard for me to admit it. And it feels nice to admit it and break the shackles. Feels fresh.
Have finally sat down and started to plan how I want to spend my next 1.5 years at school. Whatever it might be, I have promised myself it will be intentional and something that makes me happy happy.
That Happiness Shirt
Everyone strives for better shape. For most of us it is an eternal fight to fitness. My body weight fluctuates a lot depending on my eating habits and exercise regime. There are times when I am fit; there are times when I am unfit.
But there is always that one shirt which was bought at the height of fitness. When I am able to wear, it makes me happy. Couple of months of unhealthy lifestyle, junk food, late nights, break from workout and I can’t fir into my perfect shirt.
When I gain around 5-6kgs, and start huffing and puffing, I get back to diet and workout. Junk food gets replaced with fruits and home made food. Regular workout, cycling, Baba Ramdev come back into picture.
I try that perfect shirt daily. It starts from not being able to button up. Moves to buttoning up but with bulging Moobs. A month or so later comes the moment when I am able to wear it to office. The joy of the Perfect Shirt.
I am sure this trait is shared by a lot of people. Whoever you are, where ever you are, I am sure you have that perfect Shirt, waiting to make you happy.
Emotional Weakness: It’s a disease
It’s a disease, It’s a disease. I have an epiphany. My whole life has not been my own life. I have never lived it on my own terms. I was led by a disease. I am an emotional fool. It’s one of the worst diseases out there. Scientists have not been able to find a cause for it and are years from a cure.
This disease, take over your mind and shrouds your judgement. It defines everything you do. It hypnotizes you to make you believe you are the master of your life, but you aren’t. A devil that is always on your back, whispering into your brain. It makes you weak, not kill you, but makes you want to die sometimes.
During tough times, this disease eats up your emotional immunity and shatters you. And it’s next to impossible to diagnose. You feel like you are doing what you believe in. You think you are doing what is right. But no, they are just the symptoms.
So what can you do? You can only take precautions. It’s a genetic disease, imbibed to your DNA. You can only suppress it once you know you have it and are strong enough to fight it. Never take snap decisions when in serious situations. You think you are doing what is correct. Maybe it is, maybe it not. But it is the disease that makes you take the instant decision. Ride it out for a while depending on the situation. Sometimes few hours, few days, few weeks. It lets the emotional fever subside and then you can take a rational decision.
I have struggled my whole life due to this. Recently I have been able to diagnose it. As a first step, I admit to myself that I have a disease. I have promised myself that I will fight and win over it. Don’t want to be the one that destroys myself.
Dear Stomach
Dear Stomach, I want to say,
You give me a lot to recall,
Meeting you like going round,
The great Chinese Wall.
There were times when you,
Were flat, and hard as rock,
And now you are all rotund,
Like a fat bear, running amock.
When you were thin and straight,
Girls turned back, gave affection,
Since you have fattened more,
Took away my chances to score.
A tattoo I inked on my chest,
With pride a lot, aiming high,
It’s hanging from stomach mine,
Looks disgusting, with a sigh.
Crunches fifty at a time,
I used to do like a cake piece,
Now you come in between,
Hands barely touch my knees.
You craved for food so junk,
And Beer you wanted by dozen,
Now see where deep you lie,
Buried under your own burden.
I always tried to keep you tight,
Hold on food, drinks and fries,
But O’ stomach my divine,
I lose to you, how hard my tries.
Haaoo Haaoo
Whenever my wife argue with me, I dodge the situation by saying, ‘Haaoo Haaoo’ (How How in UP dialect). “You don’t do a single chore”; Haaoo Haaoo. “You forgot my B’day”; Haaoo Haaoo. “You don’t love me anymore”; Haaoo Haaoo.
It is sort of asking her to elaborate on the reasons. But real motive is to turn frown into a smile. A lot of tense situations can be diffused by such simple gestures. No escalations. All of us know this very well but choose to act otherwise. We fight argument with counter-argument. Insinutaion with insinuation. It does nothing but makes matters worse.
Munnabhai movie depicts a nice way of Jaadoo ki Jhappi (magical hug). Nothing better to diffuse a situation.
Never escalate a situtation, specially not at home. If you don’t agree with me, I would just say, Haaoo Haaoo.
Lacchedaar Rabri
Rabri is a milk based preparation quite common in Northern India. Milk is warmed on very slow flame in an emormous almost flat pan.
Water keeps evaporating and the malai formed is constantly scraped to the edge of the pan. After a while the malai sort of half baked remains on the pan. It is called rabri.
Now the lacchedaar rabri. It’s a legacy. Whenever my grandfather used to buy rabri he was very particular. Only thick rabri needed to be packed. Salesman usually tried to pack in a bit of milk along with the thick base. A couple of expletives from my grandfather and rabri was unpacked. Only lacchas were packed this time.
It was a customary expletive and customary unpacking. There are a lot of memories. Small mango pieces mixed in rabri and served chilled was aam-rabri. Crused ice laced with rabri and rooh-afja was chuski. Rabri, the king of summers.
My parents are visting me this week. Father has brought the same old rabri. I enquired. There was the expletive and unpacking involved as usual. Yummy!
Aloo Paratha and Achaar
Whenever I travelled long, my Mom used to pack me Aloo Paratha and achaar. This custom has continued ever since. Aloo Paratha has become synonymous with my travel.
I could be seen muching away Paratha at airports, railway stations, in trains, planes, buses. Over last 5 years or so, I have travelled a lot and hence a lot of Aloo Paratha memories.
What is is about Aloo Paratha, I wonder. The taste? The longevity? The travel worthiness? Longevity not so much as after a day or so during travel the aloo stuffing become stale and bad. Then what?
I think the key here is that no dish is required along with it. Just apply a touch of achaar, roll it up and voilà, the food is ready. Also its easy to pack, no curry. A dry food and yet aloo inside make it not so dry. Its cheap too. Just Aloo and flour.
Whatever it may be, Nothing makes my journey complete like a burp which smells of Aloo Paratha.
Thank You Jet Airways: Flash Sale
I would like to thank Jet Airways. Long time passed since I met my college friends. Given that we all get artificially busy in our lives; it has become impossible to meet albeit in the virtual world.
The recent flash sale by few airlines including Jet Airways gave me reason to meet. Not that flights tickets are too expensive but flash sale was the last push I needed. I booked the tickets and off I went to Bengaluru.
It was just for the weekend but a weekend that washed away 3 years of stillness. Three idiots from college met and talked and talked and talked for a long time. Although I don’t agree with the attritional pricing of airlines that result in huge losses, but without that I might not have travelled at all.
I could have met few other friends while I was there, but it all got lost in the excitement and the 5km walk that I was subjected too. My legs are still paining, but all in good measure.
Back From The Dead
How would you feel when an old friend is back from the dead? Not literaly from the dead, but after a considerable estrangement. Happy? Excited? Surprised? Angry? Or a combination of feelings?
A close friend of mine who has a history of hibernating, popped up yesterday after an year or so. I called him up, whatsApp, email during this period of total blackout but to no avail. I tried enquiring his whereabouts, nada.
His name was added to our whatsApp group in hope. Yesterday I saw a message from him. I thought someone has hacked into and playing a prank. Given the group has Computer Engineers from IIT, it was no wild guess. Then the barrage of equally befuddled reactions from other people. We asked him a few verification questions before believing.
He answered all the questions correctly. Still not sure, I ringed him up. Was it his voice? After few secs of assurances, I was sure, he was the one. Then came the usual expletives.
Few 100 expletives later it was all normal. Like he was never estranged. I guess friendship is that kind of a bond.
Darkness
There is bright side and then there is dark side. It has never been this darker. Always been the confident, doing type of person. Now at the lowest ebb. Feels like all the badness that I could muster, I did, and offloaded it onto all goodness almighty showered on me.
What I did was my fault. Now what I am doing is my penance. Hard to understand, I am sure. Even for me. I lived my life, my happiness. Would be content with that forever. Can’t take high moral ground. Can’t say I didn’t lie. I did lie, even to myself.
A sadness has engulfed me. A gloom. Confidence eroded. No gyan. I suffer.
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