ArpitGarg's Weblog

An opinion of the world around me

Posts Tagged ‘men

Grandparents

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There was a village amidst the mountains. Total population would not have been more than couple of hundred. It was like a family living in harmony since generations.

Witness to all these years was a banyan tree. None knew exactly how old it was. Prevalent folklore varied its age from thousands to millions of years. All sorts of carvings could be made out from its trunk. Some looked prehistoric, some recent. The tree was so spread out that it acted like a city centre. Everyone hung out, celebrated festivals under it. It was an integral part of village life; a group of happy populous.

One morning people woke up to something. It was a windy day alright; but apart from sand and dust, there was something else in the air. Thousands of banyan leaves were flying around. Whole village soon gathered underneath the tree. It had lost half of its leaves overnight. The freshness of the morning soon turned into realization of a shock.

The tree was dying. The suddenness of the situation was more than anyone could handle. Ladies started weeping. Men could hardly speak. They prayed, pleaded with their Gods. Every avenue possible was explored but to no avail. It was two weeks when the last of the leaf was seen. It was now a dead wood. The life was not the same anymore.

Suddenly the sun seemed hotter, rains heavier and stars aplenty. Years went by and the tales about the age of the tree changed into tales about existence of it. People started to live indoors. There were no community gatherings anymore. It was like the societal fiber just vanished, the thread broken, the elastic snapped.

Similar is the impact of elders in a home. Grandparents we call them. No one knows how old the grandmother is. She was born this old, with wrinkles, for all we know. Nobody knows from where the wisdom of Grandfather comes from. He is The Britannica for all we know.

They are the root that symbolizes the family and keeps everyone together. Once they leave, the sons/daughters become a self existent entity. The family gatherings become less. The circle of life springs into action. Each of those offshoots starts their own family, become old to be called grandparents themselves. The vacuum remains but the life moves on.

Soon number of trees cropped up under the dead root. The city centre was vibrant again. The banyan tree gave way to multitude of trees. New fruits and new flowers; New pours and new showers.

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Battered mAnimals

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There is a saying “Man by nature is a social animal”. I agree with the animal part at least, can’t say much about being social. Then again, I might be wrong. Recently I read in a newspaper that now women can also be booked under domestic violence charge. How liberating! One field which we men considered our monopoly has been taken away. What are we without the rage, the anger, the violence? Anyways, I don’t think any of the men will come forward with such a complain Coz in our society what place is there for a man who has been domesticated violently by a woman and needed law to save him.

To be true Men have been subjected to domestic violence for long. Despite this and the fact that most of the lawmakers have been men, why was such an initiative never taken earlier? The answer is the male ego. It’s very hard for us to concede that we could be subjected to violence, that too by a woman. After all We are the boss, aren’ we?.

This leads me a critical question. Who really is the boss of the family? Most of us would answer, The Male. Well you wouldn’t be far from truth. Man is looked upon as the provider and the face of the family, The Head. The child is known by his father’s name. It’s always been Mr. X and his family. Mr. X comes first and the family tags behind.

Has it been so from the inception? Well this took me to some digging. And the answer lies from where I started. Man being an animal. In earlier times, humans used to live in “groups” for fear of being attacked by animals, we being lot weaker than others. Just like animals today, there was no bondage of a male and a female for life. Everyone slept with everyone. So you see, it was never quite clear who the father of the child was? So child was known by the name of the mother and was fathered by most of the group males. The female was the lead and the most powerful. She was looked upon as one who took the group forward by providing offspring, The Provider. Gathering food, taking care of protection of the group were mere laborious.

With time humans prospered. They stopped being gregarious and Man being stronger felt to show supremacy. One man-One Woman concept became vogue. Child now had a uniquely identifiable father, could be named after him. Man became the lead, the head.

So evidently it’s the offspring who decides who the boss is. Earlier offspring could be identified by the mother, so female was the head, now it could be identified by the father, so male is the boss. So in effect the saying that, “Child is the father of Man” takes precedence here too.

P.S: To all those fellow men who have been victims of domestic violence, do visit, Battered Men.

Written by arpitgarg

June 14, 2010 at 6:46 pm

My best friends wedding

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Whenever I attended a wedding and was subjected to a barrage of vintage marriage songs, there was this one song that always caught my attention. It goes like, “Mera yaar bana hai doolha, aur phool khile hain dil ke, meri bhi shaadi ho jaaye dua karo sab milke…” (My friend is the groom, I am happy from my heart; pray that I too get married). Also the traditions like joota churai wherein the brides’ sister steal the shoes of the groom and ask for money (shagun) in return, and the talks about dulhan ki behen and doolhe ka bhai seemed too clichéd and filmy to me.

I mean why would a guy wish to get married only while attending his mates wedding? There are 365 days round the year when you could wish so. Why the same day? Why not just go along, enjoy the marriage and not try to steal your mates thunder. Joota churai too seemed funny and just filler to me.

I tell you what, I was totally wrong. No shame admitting it. Until you attend your best friends wedding; you can’t understand the feeling behind the said song. It comes from within. I am telling you coz last week I attended my best friends wedding and believe you me the lyrics of the song felt closer to me than ever before. While he was riding the horse with people dancing around, the nauchawar, the varmala, the feras and the vows, I could feel the sweet urge to get married too. The atmosphere is such that it’s difficult to abstain from such a phenomenon.

The joota churai which seemed childish to me matured that day. I found myself, hiding grooms shoes away from the reach of brides’ sisters and letting them have the shoes only after making them accede that they lost. Those were such wonderful scenes that I blush and smile simultaneously as I write. They are playing right in front of me.

About the dulhan ki behen and doolhe ka bhai. It’s a tradition to have a sort of nok-jhok among the two. Subtle flirtations included if they both are young, unmarried and of the same age. All in good spirit though. (All this time I keep going back to the old movies and how true they seem to me today.) Since groom had a married older brother, it was left to us (friends) to take over the baton of younger brother. Though I am not of the flirtatious kind I felt all game for such a nok-jhok. Sadly, the bore as I am, I couldn’t go the length. But still it was all fun.

Marriages are always nice and now that I can only attend them once in a blue moon owing to staying away from home, I tend to enjoy the ones I attend as much as I can. Finally just one request, “Meri bhi shaadi ho jaaye dua karo sab milke”.

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