ArpitGarg's Weblog

“Post marriage everything changes. People change. Things which were once liked become irritating. The childishness which used to be kinky turns into advice of getting matured. Promises get broken, love dissipates. Pillows which were used for fights start defining the boundaries. Relationship becomes sour.”

We all would have heard such lines, haven’t we? What’s the story behind? I don’t believe that core of a person can change after a certain age. During the formative years yes, but not post that. So what’s this change that people talk about?

Sometimes expectations on which a relationship is built are not met post marriage leading to the issues. Broadly speaking there are two types of love. Based on Thrust and Based on Trust. Let’s take them one by one.

Love Based on Thrust
When we meet somebody, find the person attractive, we try to woo him/her. Boys would laugh at girls’ jokes, no matter how pathetic they are. They would go all out to make her believe they are they for her no matter what. The gifts, the roses, the promises are all thrusted in to design a make believe world of dreams. Never was the laughter real, never was the care from the heart, never did the gifts hold any meaning, never were the promises made to be kept.

Girls would meet boys all dressed up, looking attractive. Would portray that she likes him just the way he is, with all the goods and ills. Possessiveness is considered to be endless love. When he spends loads of money, she likes it. Later the dressing up stops. She starts to dislike the ills which she never liked in the first place. The possessiveness becomes engulfing and unbearable. The guy is just a spendthrift now.

Love Based on Trust
Love based on trust is a bit tricky. Mostly this is without any explicit proposal. It takes time. Often there was no great initial kick. Never was a need to impress, no pressure to be presentable. No pretentions, nothing. There were no promises made under false pretext to be broken. All gifts had some meaning. The laughter was real, the zeal was real. Everything was shared without fear. Neither of them pretended and hence no change perceived later.

Basically it’s not the change; it’s just that the real person comes to fore, which is never rosy. Be true to one and to each other. Remove that extra ‘h’ from thrust and have some trust.

A Mad Kitten