ArpitGarg's Weblog

An opinion of the world around me

Posts Tagged ‘Funny

ढाई किलो आलू और प्याज

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aloo_pyaaj

भूख लगी मुझे आधी रात को,
सोचा रसोई में रखा हो कुछ,
नहीं मिला कुछ, पड़ा था बस,
ढाई किलो आलू और प्याज।

नींद भी थी और भूख भी थी,
कुछ मिल जाए जल्दी से बस,
पेट की आग बुझाएं कैसे ये,
ढाई किलो आलू और प्याज।

कुकर चढ़ाने को हुआ जो मैं,
देखा कि थी सीटी नदारद,
खाना नहीं मिल पायेगा आज,
ढाई किलो आलू और प्याज।

छीलूं कैसे अब आलू को मैं,
चाकू कहीं जो मुझे न मिलता,
थक गए पेट के चूहे भी नाच,
ढाई किलो आलू और प्याज।

कच्ची प्याज ही खा जाऊं क्या?
ऊपर से पी पानी भर गिलास,
इस व्यंजन पर मुझे नहीं है नाज,
ढाई किलो आलू और प्याज।

बनाऊं दो प्याज़ा या आलू दम,
भूख नहीं दिख रही होती कम,
कुछ है गड़बड़, गहरा है राज,
ढाई किलो आलू और प्याज।

मुहँ में पानी, महक और स्वाद,
मेरे अंदर का भुक्कड़ मुखर,
सपने भी आते खाने के अब,
ढाई किलो आलू और प्याज।

Written by arpitgarg

February 21, 2016 at 2:40 am

Posted in Hindi, Poetry

Tagged with , , , , ,

Love smells funny

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funny.jpg

Oft’ heard love is in the air,
Never told what the smell is,
Dark of night to mornin’ sunny,
I bet love just smells funny.

Oft’ heard No Sorry in Love,
Why Greeting cards to Say Sorry,
No Sorry, can lead to mutiny,
I bet love just smells funny.

Oft’ heard love makes one poet,
Never told it’s the heartbreak,
Makes one to gamble, to rummy,
I bet love just smells funny.

Oft’ heard, Love at first sight,
Never told about sights thereof,
If it were all just lust honey,
I bet love just smells funny.

Oft’ heard No substitute for love,
Never told of those who tried,
Replacement bought from money,
I bet love just smells funny.

Oft’ heard Most Alive when in love,
Never felt we were dead all along,
It’s rumor spread by dead bunny,
I bet love just smells funny.

Oft’ heard Love is endless,
Never told Love is too short,
Forgetting it is long agony,
I bet love just smells funny.

Written by arpitgarg

November 20, 2015 at 2:10 pm

Posted in Literary, Love

Tagged with , , ,

Popat

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Disclaimer: All names and places are real. Nothing has been altered as the target is to make fun of people involved.

How to define Popat? Well its a situation when someone has a bad experience which seems hillarious to others. We call it iska toh popat ho gaya.

Let me relate an incident. A couple of my friends were going to a collegaues wedding. They had a train to cath from mumbai. One of them came from Pune. They were all set to catch train from Mumbai Central.

Their train was at 11:45 in the night and they discussed plans to gulp a beer or two at Marine drive before proceeding to Central which is 10 mins away from there.

The fun was their train was from LTT which is quite far even for late night roads. Had they reached Central and would come to know of the goofup, we could say ki Popat ho gaya.

Hope this makes the meaning and usage clear. Poor chaps would be left licking their wounds, while we audience would be discussing and writing blogs and making fun at their expense.

Unfortunately fate intervened and a third party (me) who shared the wassapp group on which this discussion was going on pointed out the obvious. So popat hone se bach gaya.

Written by arpitgarg

February 20, 2015 at 10:26 pm

Posted in Funny

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Haaoo Haaoo

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Whenever my wife argue with me, I dodge the situation by saying, ‘Haaoo Haaoo’ (How How in UP dialect). “You don’t do a single chore”; Haaoo Haaoo. “You forgot my B’day”; Haaoo Haaoo. “You don’t love me anymore”; Haaoo Haaoo.

It is sort of asking her to elaborate on the reasons. But real motive is to turn frown into a smile. A lot of tense situations can be diffused by such simple gestures. No escalations. All of us know this very well but choose to act otherwise. We fight argument with counter-argument. Insinutaion with insinuation. It does nothing but makes matters worse.

Munnabhai movie depicts a nice way of Jaadoo ki Jhappi (magical hug). Nothing better to diffuse a situation.

Never escalate a situtation, specially not at home. If you don’t agree with me, I would just say, Haaoo Haaoo.

Written by arpitgarg

February 14, 2015 at 6:41 pm

Posted in Funny, Personal

Tagged with , ,

भक् साला

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जब दिखी कोई सुन्दर कन्या,
मन मचला सा क्यों जाता है,
जैसे बिन चाबी का ताला,
दिल करे कि बोलूं भक् साला।

उस दिन तो यारों हद हो गयी,
घर का रास्ता ही भटक गया,
कोई वशी-इत्र उसने डाला,
दिल करे कि बोलूं भक् साला।

सब्जी लेने को गया था मैं,
वहां किलो-२ भर तोल रही,
धनिया भी मुफ्त में न डाला,
दिल करे कि बोलूं भक् साला।

सोचा चलो जांच मैं करवा लूँ,
आँखें हैं ठीक, बोली डॉक्टर,
पर चरित्र है तेरा कुछ काला,
दिल करे कि बोलूं भक् साला।

फूलों की टोकरी, रख सर पर,
बेच रही वो, लगा पुकार,
मेरे मन ने बना ली वरमाला,
दिल करे कि बोलूं भक् साला।

सोचा कई बार, त्याग दूँ सब,
आखिर कब तक करूंगा मैं,
मस्ती तफरी, और मधुशाला,
चल हट दिल नौटंकी साला।।

Written by arpitgarg

September 15, 2014 at 3:01 am

Posted in Funny, Hindi, Poetry

Tagged with , , , ,

The Air

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Remember that moment; when you were alone with a beautiful girl in an elevator. Ah! That ever rising elevator with a stranger. You tucked in your tummy; took out your new Smartphone; swiped your hairs; a curious peak; the most charming smile. Just when you were about to hit pay dirt, a whiff of that air, breaking the silence, causing her to cover her nose and leaving you embarrassed.

Has happened to the best of us. One wonders that air can be this critical. Timing is important too. I had a friend who felt disgusted when someone did it in his presence. His solution was you should go out of the room in case you feel the itch. I reckon what his solution would have been for the elevator.

Another scenario. You are giving an interview. Things are going hunky dory. Then come the air. In a panel interview you can probably deflect the blame. But in a 1-0-1, what can you do? One might even lose the rhythm. No pun intended.

Similar thing could occur during the first date, first day at job, during a presentation. The list is endless. Can we do anything? Well I for one have not been able to. I guess some things are beyond our control. One can either let it pass, or twist in agony till it pass.

Written by arpitgarg

September 9, 2014 at 8:01 pm

Posted in Funny

Tagged with , ,

2012: The year that wasn’t

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Topmost could have been headlines of year 2012.

1. India demolishes Eng 3-0 in the home Test Match Series. Tendulkar hit his first triple ton. Gambhir is vindicated of “see you at home” remark. BCCI decides to scrap away Tests from ICC Future Tours Program. BCCI chief Srinivasan said and I quote “All Tests played in Chennai will be Home Tests and those played elsewhere in the country will be Away Tests”.

2. World not able to witness 21st Dec 2012. Just as predicted by the great “Ronald Emmerich” in his movie 2012, owing to Earth Crust Displacement and massive Earthquakes, 90% of human civilization is wiped off. This news is telecasted from US Space Station. John Cusack is among the survivors.

3. London Olympics 2012, turned out to be a disaster, overshadowing Delhi Common Wealth Games. Kalmadi was grinning from ear to ear with, “I told ya sa” expression. Anacondas and Godzilla’s were cited around athletes’ village. Organizers are blaming it on different perceptions of security standards across the world.

4. US Presidential elections were marred by an act of shooting when a heated argument between Obama and Romney got out of hand. Both took out their M16’s and started shooting at each other and the audience. The audience were already dead of boredom so no harm done.

5. 2012 was landmark year in India as far as women safety was concerned. Women Safety Bill 2012 was passed in the parliament, which led to Women only Police stations and death penalty for rapists. Country saw ZERO rape cases and only handful of eve-teasing incidents this year.

6. AK series phone have made Nokia the market leader in Smart Phones. Foldable screens and Phones which could shoot better than AK47 have done the trick. “We don’t need to buy a gun for Mass Shootings, We buy Nokia instead”, said a consumer. Apple will be filing for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy during March next year. Samsung is in talk with Yahoo for a possible sellout.

7. United Nations Security Council intervens in the Julian Assange’s case. US/UK could face UN sanctions owing to gross human right violations. Wikileaks brings to light more facts that no one was aware of. “Sun rises in the East”, “Earth is round” and “Blueberry cheese cake is awesome”.

Among other news.
Chuck Norris was not able to kill two birds with one stone. Rajnikant was cited asleep. Superman wore underwear under his pants. Batman finally played cricket. Vivek Oberoi became superstar. Chacha Choudhary got beaten by new Ipad in chess. Manmohan Singh saw movie of his choice.

Written by arpitgarg

December 31, 2012 at 1:20 pm

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