ArpitGarg's Weblog

An opinion of the world around me

Posts Tagged ‘food

Lacchedaar Rabri

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Rabri is a milk based preparation quite common in Northern India. Milk is warmed on very slow flame in an emormous almost flat pan.

Water keeps evaporating and the malai formed is constantly scraped to the edge of the pan. After a while the malai sort of half baked remains on the pan. It is called rabri.

Now the lacchedaar rabri. It’s a legacy. Whenever my grandfather used to buy rabri he was very particular. Only thick rabri needed to be packed. Salesman usually tried to pack in a bit of milk along with the thick base. A couple of expletives from my grandfather and rabri was unpacked. Only lacchas were packed this time.

It was a customary expletive and customary unpacking. There are a lot of memories. Small mango pieces mixed in rabri and served chilled was aam-rabri. Crused ice laced with rabri and rooh-afja was chuski. Rabri, the king of summers.

My parents are visting me this week. Father has brought the same old rabri. I enquired. There was the expletive and unpacking involved as usual. Yummy!

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Written by arpitgarg

January 26, 2015 at 2:52 pm

Posted in Personal

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All party meet (Satire)

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Indian Parliament is in grave danger.  The very existence of our Neta’s is under threat. I am talking about bad quality of food in Parliament canteen. How can we expect the lawmakers to function without good food?

Gauging the graveness of the issue, Venkaiah Naidu promptly called an all party meet. There was a huge ruckus. “One at a time please. One at a time”, he pleaded.

Mamta Banerjee: No gooood fooood, areeee baba. This is a conspiracy by Govt. to suppress the voice of people. Ei no cholbe. Ei no cholbe.

Sushma Swaraj: Kaisa waktavya prastutt kiya hai? We also eat here. Blaming the Govt. is like not getting the pulse of the nation.

Mayawati (gate-crashing): Idhar aa tu. You are right we are not getting pulse but in canteen. Paani jaisi dal. Yeh manuwaadi log. Yeh manuwaadi mansikta.

Rahul Gandi (facing the wall): Only one voice is being heared in the canteen. The voice of the waiter from Centrefresh (kaisi jeeb laplapaayi) advt. I feel it. My mother feels it. My chauffeur feels it. My gym instructor feels it.

Sumitra Mahajan: Dekhiye, as Tai, I want to give everyone time to speak. However big or small. Manager or waiter. I will go by set precedents on it.

Rajiv Pratap Rudy: I did not become a minister. “Papa ki toh lag gayi“, my kids are made fun of. I make jokes on Congress just to soothe some pain. Congress wont be allowed scrambled eggs given they are scrambling for LoP. They just ate a humble pie. Aren’t they full. He He. Sigh!

Jayalalita: I don’t have the pull on NDA as in the yesteryear. But if Govt. awards me the canteen contract, I will side with them  while deciding on dessert. My dream of Amma Canteen in the Capital.

Derek O’Brien: How long can I survive on Bournvita. I see hands of the cook dripping with gravy as he holds them up. But when food is served we get no gravy. “Where does the gravy go?” You have 30 secs to answer that question.

Mulayam Singh: We have been hit by inflation. Earlier we used to get bulk discount. Now we are just five. No discount. Ab per head jyada aata hai. Are these the acche din?

The argument went on for couple more hours. All that was agreed upon was the date of the next meeting.

Modi was seeing it all from spy cam. With a notorious smile he chugged at this laptop as he ordered a pizza. “Simple”.

Written by arpitgarg

August 26, 2014 at 2:00 pm

Posted in Funny, Political

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The immortality of Maggi

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The immortality of Maggi comes to fore time and again. Just when we forget all about the existence, it rises from the ashes to become part of life once again.

Maggi has been a phenomenon which has touched everyone alike. It transcends through age and gender. Ask a child, a college student, a working bachelor. A lot of imitators have sprung up over the time but none been able to come even near.

What is it about Maggi then? The flavor for once; the mouth watering Maggi tastemaker. It’s heaven. Next is the companionship in thick and thin. It unites among diversity. It’s home away from home. When I went to college, Maggi never let me feel away. When I am travelling to diverse places, I have my staple with me.

Of late I drifted away from it and got into bad habit of eating so called healthy food. I can never apologize enough to you My Dear. But you never deserted me. WhenI was hungry that night, you came to my rescue. You let me sleep peacefully.

To be true, however hard I try to find reasons why I like Maggi, I can’t find many. Maybe that’s the magic, that’s the secret. It just is immortal. It just is Meri Maggi. Cause and Effect can take a hike for once.

Written by arpitgarg

December 19, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Refrigerator Infatuation: What is it about?

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How many of you have found yourself, opening up the refrigerator door, not looking for anything in particular and shutting the door without taking anything. If you have, don’t worry, you are in good company. According to a survey this refrigerator infatuation seems to be quite common.

When people are tensed, waiting for a phone call, waiting for a result, they tend to run to the refrigerator more. When people are free, with nothing to do, they tend to find solace with their refrigerator. In fact wonder how often have you just entered the house and inadvertently walked up to the refrigerator?

This makes me wonder, “What is it about the refrigerator?”

Is it the cold breeze that hits us as we open the door? Ever felt that sudden rush of cold fresh air that surges out as we open up the baby. Remember those hot days, when we did open up the freezer to cool ourselves off. The refreshing miracle power of the machine!

Is it the enchanting lighting that engulfs us in the dead of the night? One would agree that there is something dull yet attractive about the refrigerator light. Can it be the missing link?

Is it the food that attracts us? It is said, “Our modern skull houses a pre-historic brain”. In the sense whatever our brain reflexes are today, they are borne out by pre-historic experiences. Like we are afraid when we see a snake, but we are barely afraid while crossing a road. When the fact is more people die every year, crossing the road than by a snake bite. It is explained by the fact that pre-historically more people died of snake bite and it was a serious threat to humans. Our reflexes are built on that.

Now, what we store in refrigerator? Food, right? Our basic instinct is to look for food for survival. Refrigerator might be interpreted by our brain as the Provider. We open the door time and again, not looking for food but looking after the food. A filled up refrigerator gives us the secure feeling.

By time and again opening the door, we are trying to safeguard the food and checking if we are okay. Now that’s called protecting the Provider.

How to ease the tension?

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Oxford dictionary describes tension to be a mental or emotional strain. To cope with it, we all do some weird things. Some eat a lot. Some starve themselves. Some want to be left alone. Some like to party. Some smoke. Some drink. Some sleep. Some fall prey to insomnia. Guess some things are aberrant to cause and effect.

As for me, I stuff myself with food when tense. I am no medical expert but my guess is that more oxygen is needed to digest the excess food gobbled up. This extra demand of oxygen must for sure be met by diverting some blood flow from my darn brain to the belly. This might be shutting of some brain activity and helping me overcome tense thoughts. I would opt for a dead brain any day, but that’s me!

When food can’t be ordered say at the dead of the night, I opt for the next best option. Start typing whatever gibberish comes to my mind. It’s around 1:30 in the night now. All junk food is finished and I don’t have anything else but to write. Funny I can’t pinpoint the reason why I am tense. This further adds to uneasiness.

Anxiety is the exactly what I have right now. In fact for the last couple of weeks my mind has not been at peace exactly. How would I love the day when I be Joey and my brain will read blank…blank…blank…blank…blank. Void of all thoughts; bereft of any tension, if at all momentary. Alas! It’s not to be.

Written by arpitgarg

April 20, 2011 at 2:20 am

Who can God be?

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Over the years I have wondered about the existence of God. Is he here with us on earth or is he celestial? If he is on earth, what form has he taken? Is he a human, an animal, a tree, some inanimate object perhaps? I have come up with some logical deductions, like always, on who could God be. My assumptions are the qualities that we all believe God possesses. Armed with these traits of God, let us try and decipher the Holy Grail.

1.    God is the Creator: God is Lalit Modi

God created us humans from scratch. Lalit Modi created IPL from scratch. God created 9 planets, Modi created 8 IPL teams. Just because Modi forgot one team, poor Pluto was stripped of its planet tag, thus maintaining the order divine.


He created the Champions League. He created the position of IPL Commissioner. He created three children of his own. He created a new political divide between India and Pakistan and the prototype for the modern Indian working lady. God created the world in 6 days. Modi created a whole IPL-2 in S. Africa equally fast. Such is the might of God.

2.    God is Immortal: God is Afzal Guru

God is not subjected to death. He must be Afzal Guru for sure. Regardless of Supreme Court death sentence to him, he is still alive. Maybe it’s not Congress’ fault after all. It’s just God and his ways.

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3.    God is Omnipresent: God is China

China is present everywhere today. Look around, all you see is Chinese made goods. From head to toe you are covered in China. Chinese phones, Chinese toys, Chinese clothes, Chinese babies, Chinese dolls, Chinese food to name a few. In fact the Chinese themselves are all over the world. You look here, Chinese. You look there, Chinese. Next time you go to your home. Check the attic. I am sure Chinese would be there too. Next in line towards Godship are we Indians for all the obvious reasons.

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4.    God is Immutable: God is Govt. of Maharashtra.

If God is not susceptible to change, my deduction would be he is Maha. Govt. A year has passed since 26/11, still no change. Everything is same.

`                  RR Patil is still Home Minister.               Same old traffic problems.
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`                        Same old Security issues.           Pawar’s smile is the same since eternity. Go to hell price rise.
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5.    God is The Ultimate Truth and Ultimate Reality: God is Sach ka Saamna

What if God is a game show? Sach Ka saamna, which is the Ulimate reality show which brings out the Ultimate truth from the contestant. So is God a reality show and Rajeev Khandelwal is his agent?

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6.    God is Boundless: God is US thirst for Oil

Maybe God is not something animate or visible. It is something as abstract as US thirst for Oil. It’s not US fault that they invaded Iraq and killed thousands of innocent people. It’s just what God forced it to. This feeling is boundless and cannot be contained. Hence US is forced to quench the thirst of Oil, sometimes by the blood of innocent people.
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7.   God has vast, un-imaginative powers: God is Madhu Koda

Madhu Koda might not be corrupt after all. It’s just his un-imaginative powers that converted nothing into billions. Remember “Turn water to Wine”. It’s just God’s power that took effect. He is no crook.
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8.    God is Necessary (cannot do without): God is Mobile phone

We cannot live without mobile phone. The moment it is not in sight, we feel cut off from the world. We feel uneasy, itchy, dizzy and in despair. Better we died. Maybe this addiction is not our fault. It’s just that we cannot do without God. Long live Mobile!
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9.    God is Perfect: God is definitely not Microsoft Windows

One thing is sure, God is not Microsoft Windows. With so much defects clubbed together, it seems Windows was written with code collected from junk sale. Definitely not what God is made of!
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10.  God is our father: God is Genghis Khan

A study identified a Y-chromosomal lineage linked to Genghis Khan, present in about 8% of the men in a large region of Asia. We are descendants of Genghis Khan. In fact the slang, “Ghenghis Khan ki Chati aulaad” is not used just like that. Most of us are his children and he is our father. Gandhi is just father of a nation, Genghis fatherhood transcends all boundaries.
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11.  God is the Ruler: God is the media

Media has the complete dominion of the world.  It’s media that rules today. News media makes/breaks stories. It twists news for TRP’s. Maybe it’s just the act of God to show complete control and not some wrong doings on the part of media.

12.  God is Immaculate (free of stain, spotless, absolutely pure): God is Katrina Kaif

God! She is gorgeous. So spotless, so pure, so free from error. How gentle and lovely is she. If there is someone purer than Katrina, I reckon there is no God. I would not want to pursue my hunt any further for the God who made Kat inferior to anyone. I am ready to go to hell for her.

Me and My bulging bellorism

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Friends, I have had it again. Why does it repeat itself over and over? It remains all well and under control when I am at college but no sooner than I am at home, it bulges out. Just like a slow poison, it starts bulging gently and before you could notice it, it’s already there full grown.

For those who didn’t get “it”, I am talking about my bulging belly. Let me get one thing very clear, I am a heavy built. You can call me from a “khata peeta khandaan”. At college I try to keep my belly under control, more often than not, successfully. But at home during holidays, I give up eventually; however hard I try.

This time round too, before coming to home, I planned out my stay very carefully. It included the usual: jogging, gym, swimming, dancing and yes a bundle of novels to finish. “This time I can and I will make the difference”, was the war cry.

Six weeks down the line, after cansters of ghee, lots of junk food, and none of the things which I took oath for, my belly is back and raring to go. Belly button is back to invisible mode, pushed between the two belly’s up against each other.

There is no need to worry though. Two weeks are still there. I have decided on a harder regime. No junk food, lots of jogging, lots of gym, lots of swimming, lots of dancing and a bigger bundle of novels. And it’s my promise to one and all, two weeks down the line I will win this fight against my belly. But during this outright war, my mom is a potential detractor, preparing one delicacy after another. If I have to win this war, I have to get her on board and make her a strong ally against my bulging bellorism.

Written by arpitgarg

June 18, 2008 at 7:27 pm

Posted in Funny

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