Posts Tagged ‘fat’
Dear Stomach
Dear Stomach, I want to say,
You give me a lot to recall,
Meeting you like going round,
The great Chinese Wall.
There were times when you,
Were flat, and hard as rock,
And now you are all rotund,
Like a fat bear, running amock.
When you were thin and straight,
Girls turned back, gave affection,
Since you have fattened more,
Took away my chances to score.
A tattoo I inked on my chest,
With pride a lot, aiming high,
It’s hanging from stomach mine,
Looks disgusting, with a sigh.
Crunches fifty at a time,
I used to do like a cake piece,
Now you come in between,
Hands barely touch my knees.
You craved for food so junk,
And Beer you wanted by dozen,
Now see where deep you lie,
Buried under your own burden.
I always tried to keep you tight,
Hold on food, drinks and fries,
But O’ stomach my divine,
I lose to you, how hard my tries.
Top 5 Tips for Girls to Gain Weight
Of late size zero has become a phenomenon. Humanity has never lost so much weight in history as today. What girls tend to forget is that guys like curves. Slim figure is welcome but zero is not. Most thin girls have a phobia that by gaining weight they will look fat. First of all they should shed this inhibition. A little bit of chubbiness adds to the beauty anytime.
For all those single girls whom I have been able to brainwash into gaining weight by my above appeal, here are certain easy tips. Follow them and you will thrive and men will hover around like a beehive.
Tip No 1 – Find a Guy who lives alone
It’s quite easy to find a guy in metro cities who is working there and lives away from family alone. Such guys tend to eat out most of the times rather than cooking. You will start eating out too. Eating out regularly will add that missing kilos in no time.
Tip No 2 – Hit the bed long
Getting lots of sleep is one of the easiest ways to gain weight. A minimum of 8 hours sleep is necessary. Anything above is a bonus. This way weight gain would be like a dream come true.
Tip No 3 – Beer it
Over the centuries ‘Beer belly’ has been one of the most controversial phrase. But it works and how. Drink beer regularly for a month and you wouldn’t believe how lovely you look with those plum cheeks.
Tip No 4 – Don’t flunk the junk
Go junkie! Those Big Macs, fries, pizzas, pastas are a sure shot path towards glory. Never be scared of the food. Eat as much and as junk as you can.
Tip No 5 – Get married
Easiest of them all! Scientists have been wondering over the years as to why Indian women gain weight so quickly as soon as they get married. Regardless of the reason behind, it works. The only flip side is that you are married now.
Bonus Tip: Call me!
Me and My bulging bellorism
Friends, I have had it again. Why does it repeat itself over and over? It remains all well and under control when I am at college but no sooner than I am at home, it bulges out. Just like a slow poison, it starts bulging gently and before you could notice it, it’s already there full grown.
For those who didn’t get “it”, I am talking about my bulging belly. Let me get one thing very clear, I am a heavy built. You can call me from a “khata peeta khandaan”. At college I try to keep my belly under control, more often than not, successfully. But at home during holidays, I give up eventually; however hard I try.
This time round too, before coming to home, I planned out my stay very carefully. It included the usual: jogging, gym, swimming, dancing and yes a bundle of novels to finish. “This time I can and I will make the difference”, was the war cry.
Six weeks down the line, after cansters of ghee, lots of junk food, and none of the things which I took oath for, my belly is back and raring to go. Belly button is back to invisible mode, pushed between the two belly’s up against each other.
There is no need to worry though. Two weeks are still there. I have decided on a harder regime. No junk food, lots of jogging, lots of gym, lots of swimming, lots of dancing and a bigger bundle of novels. And it’s my promise to one and all, two weeks down the line I will win this fight against my belly. But during this outright war, my mom is a potential detractor, preparing one delicacy after another. If I have to win this war, I have to get her on board and make her a strong ally against my bulging bellorism.
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