ArpitGarg's Weblog

An opinion of the world around me

Posts Tagged ‘satire

An Open Letter to Open Letters

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It has become a trend these days to “Write an Open Letter”. I too stand guilty. There might be good reasons behind but I find it a service in self glorification. I’ll tell you why.

Firstly these Open Letters serve no purpose of a letter. To whom they are addressed to, never (or next to never) reads them. It’s nothing but a fake letter. 99% of the time, it’s criticism of one or the other things about a person, suggesting him/her to do this or that; this way or that way. It’s nothing more than a barrage of harsh words. A façade is created just to sound interesting.

Mostly it is written to a person who is well known. Writer feels to piggyback. Editors of newspapers/new-channels also write them. Why? I ask. You could easily interview that person. Or write a normal article about him/her. Why the Open letter. I just don’t get it. Which can also prove me plain silly, if others get it.

I have tried Open Sandwich; Not good, Open Bus: It rained, Open Day at School; Got an earful, Open House Interviews; Thrown out, Open Relationship suggestion; Got slapped, Open top car; Bee attack, Opened a Company; Went near bankrupt.

So much of Opens have screwed me over and over again. It might also be the source of my hatred though I suspect not.

Just for my sake, next time you write a Letter, be sure to close it and post it. Don’t leave it open. Not good manners.

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Written by arpitgarg

August 28, 2014 at 10:46 pm

Posted in Funny, General/Society

Tagged with ,

All party meet (Satire)

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Indian Parliament is in grave danger.  The very existence of our Neta’s is under threat. I am talking about bad quality of food in Parliament canteen. How can we expect the lawmakers to function without good food?

Gauging the graveness of the issue, Venkaiah Naidu promptly called an all party meet. There was a huge ruckus. “One at a time please. One at a time”, he pleaded.

Mamta Banerjee: No gooood fooood, areeee baba. This is a conspiracy by Govt. to suppress the voice of people. Ei no cholbe. Ei no cholbe.

Sushma Swaraj: Kaisa waktavya prastutt kiya hai? We also eat here. Blaming the Govt. is like not getting the pulse of the nation.

Mayawati (gate-crashing): Idhar aa tu. You are right we are not getting pulse but in canteen. Paani jaisi dal. Yeh manuwaadi log. Yeh manuwaadi mansikta.

Rahul Gandi (facing the wall): Only one voice is being heared in the canteen. The voice of the waiter from Centrefresh (kaisi jeeb laplapaayi) advt. I feel it. My mother feels it. My chauffeur feels it. My gym instructor feels it.

Sumitra Mahajan: Dekhiye, as Tai, I want to give everyone time to speak. However big or small. Manager or waiter. I will go by set precedents on it.

Rajiv Pratap Rudy: I did not become a minister. “Papa ki toh lag gayi“, my kids are made fun of. I make jokes on Congress just to soothe some pain. Congress wont be allowed scrambled eggs given they are scrambling for LoP. They just ate a humble pie. Aren’t they full. He He. Sigh!

Jayalalita: I don’t have the pull on NDA as in the yesteryear. But if Govt. awards me the canteen contract, I will side with them  while deciding on dessert. My dream of Amma Canteen in the Capital.

Derek O’Brien: How long can I survive on Bournvita. I see hands of the cook dripping with gravy as he holds them up. But when food is served we get no gravy. “Where does the gravy go?” You have 30 secs to answer that question.

Mulayam Singh: We have been hit by inflation. Earlier we used to get bulk discount. Now we are just five. No discount. Ab per head jyada aata hai. Are these the acche din?

The argument went on for couple more hours. All that was agreed upon was the date of the next meeting.

Modi was seeing it all from spy cam. With a notorious smile he chugged at this laptop as he ordered a pizza. “Simple”.

Written by arpitgarg

August 26, 2014 at 2:00 pm

Posted in Funny, Political

Tagged with , , ,

Indian National Congress Hand: The Origin

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Listening to the interim budget on television, my mind diverted from Pranab Mukherjee to Congress to its election symbol, the Hand. 15 minutes or so of googling and a coke later, I was still not able to find any definite story behind the Indian national congress election symbol. This led me to use my brain and come out with truth. Here it is. As transparent as it could be.

Hand covering the tri colours stood then for the coming unassuming reign of INC, in that sense Indira after the split of Congress.

Where have you seen this hand so prominently? What else could you relate with this? Guessed right. Budhha.

So is the INC hand, Buddha’s hand. Was Congress after the split based on the principles of Buddha. Was Buddha in any way the originator of the idea of Congress. Did Indira anticipated that like Buddha left the palace, Congress would have to leave Delhi, ousted by Janta Party in near future.

See the composure of the hand. It seems relaxed. It seems preaching. It seems, yes, in Aashirwaad (blessing) mode.

Is a father blessing his son. Or is it motherly compassion.

Or is it the divine blessing via Congress to the people of India? Probably.

Is it the bribing hand. Given the rampant corruption, it might be a message from the future, hinting at the coming corruption and an era of bribes.

During the emergency, was this a slap on the face of the voters. The public.

And Junta was left to do nothing but slap its own head with its hand.

During election campaign 2004-05, this was projected as a helping hand to the poor people.

Now whether the public felt it later as a pickpocket hand is a question to reckon.

I read that during the last general elections, the palm lines were changes in accordance with a palmist. So it may be a palm which carries future of the country concealed in the palm lines. Hope it be the truth.

Written by arpitgarg

February 17, 2009 at 4:32 am

Satyam, Rice, Hayden and me

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Last few days have been quite eventful. Satyam went bust, UNSC voted for ceasefire in Gaza strip, Hayden retired and I lost a kilo or something. All events, huge on their own.

Satyam Fiasco
It might sound a bit harsh but frankly speaking I could never have imagined in my wildest dreams that a person from down South could pull off such a scam. Admit it; South Indians are considered quiet naïve by us North Indians. We think they lack the shrewdness needed for such an occasion. For us from the North such things are nothing new, as one of my gujju friend rightly exclaimed, “This will go down as one of the few financial frauds in which no gujju is involved.” Going by the examples of Ketan Parekh and Harshad Mehta, this didn’t come to me as news. Let me admit it, People from South, I have been wrong till now. You guys are not so naïve after all and have full capabilities of performing such a scam and can take us guys from UP, Bihar or the Gujju stronghold, head on. Also there is a need for a personal apology to all my South Indian friends for my considering them naïve and at times un-sansarik. Sorry Manda, Vamsee, Ajay and company. I have been so very wrong.

UNSC vote on Israel
This was another case of male chauvinism post the master and slave poster of Singh is King in which Katrina was sitting on the floor with Akshay as King on the throne. Poor Condoleezza prepared and arranged this whole resolution and Bush, the master made just a call and she had to abstain from voting, being left thoroughly embarrassed. We can be quite sure such an embarrassment would not have been meted out to a male Secretary of State. Die Die feminism, long live male supremacy.

Hayden retired
At last God you granted my wish. I so love you God that I can even give you my dear cell phone, if you ask me right now. Finally someone, other that an Indian player, got not so great a farewell and had to be thrown out of the squad before retiring into oblivion. It used to pain me lot, seeing Kapil Dev, Azharuddin, Ganguly, Kumble etc carrying on painfully, admist calls for their retirement. Whereas Gilchrist, McGrath, Warne chose to retire at their peak. Damn you Australia, now.

I lost a kilo
This has been the story of my life. Losing few, Gaining lot. Still these are one of the few losses,  I love to enjoy.

Written by arpitgarg

January 13, 2009 at 11:49 am

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