Posts Tagged ‘hand’
Sachin Tendulkar: Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO
With Cricket World Cup played in India this time, CBI tried its level best to nab the betting mafia across the country. They raided many places, intercepted a number of calls, rounded up various persons.
In due course of their investigation they tumbled upon a secret. A secret so explosive, it had the potential to rock the very foundations of cricket. CBI sought help of Colin Powel who was able to sniff Biological Weapons of Mass Destructions (WMD’s) in Iraq even before they were made. “He can sniff into the future”, said a source.
Powell’s sniffing powers were used to sniff out the truth which caused sniffing problems to the CBI sniffers. How sniffy!
I somehow got hold of For Eyes Only report submitted to the CBI by Powell. Being an ardent fan of Wikileaks, I can’t hold but leak it over on you guys. The truth being,
Sachin Tendulkar is not human. He is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine
from DRDO (Defence Research and Development Organisation)
The Fact Finding Closure Report
on
The secret that caused sniffing problems to the CBI
Object:
Sniff out the truth about Sachin being Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO.
Findings:
When CBI first called me, I was sniffing Hamburgers in my sleep. Turned out I had some extra the night before. Anyways, I have been on the job from day one. My findings are based on observations, proofs and witnesses below.
1. Twin Bat Theory
Sachin uses Not One but Two Bats simultaneously. It is just not possible for a human to use Two Bats. As an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO, only Sachin has such a power. The other bat being invisible we are not able to see it from naked eyes. Hot Spot might be able to intercept it, hence Sachin has opposed UDRS. CBI used military grade technology to get the pictorial evidence. Look closely.
2. Sachin can inflate/deflate himself
This came as a shock even to CBI. Kudos to DRDO! It’s very tough to infuse inflation/deflation power in a machine. In fact very few super heroes have such a power. He uses the scientific fact that air has weight. He inflates his right arm with air and generates huge power to play master strokes.
3. Multiple Sachin
There are multiple Sachin roaming around. No two consecutive matches are played by same Sachin. This gives time to rectify any wear and tear which leads to consistency. Evidence has been provided by a dysfunctional prototype of the same generation known as Vinod Kambli who was created along with Sachin.
4. Project Sachin was commissioned two years before the first World Cup
Investigators have found out that Project Sachin was started way back in 1973 in a bid to win the inaugural World Cup. Like everything else in India, it got delayed too. On when to retire Sachin, a prominent scientist associated with the project told us on the promise of anonymity, “We can’t stop it. It’s out of our hands. It won’t stop till it fulfills its target of winning the World Cup. It’s designed that way. Don’t you get it?”
5. Sachin is Ambidextrous
Like all other machines, Sachin is ambidextrous. He has tried to keep it hidden from public but we are not the ones to be fooled. He writes with his left hand, Cuts cake with right hand, bats with right hand. A perfect machine!
He can even bowl from one hand and bat from the other simultaneously.
6. Anatomically Speaking
Sachin’s Infra-Red imaging and its subsequent studies have revealed that he is not human; definitely a machine. Look closely at the curves, the joints and the posture; the ligament, the tissue and the liver; the heart, the head and the toe and tell me that he looks Human.
7. Induction in Air Force
Give the shortage of pilots, Sachin has been inducted into the Indian Air Force. They made it to look like an honorary post. It’s far from truth. It is said that Sachin can convert his body into a fighter jet just like Tranformers and IAF will reach invincible levels post his induction.
8. He lives in shell shaped chamber
Sachin lives in a shell shaped chamber. He is not designed to stay in a normal house. He wanted the new house to be built like a shell but has to reject the idea coz media got hold of it. Here is what the house would have looked had it been build. Similar is the shape of the chamber inside his house in which he resides.
9. The record speaks for itself
If all this proof if not enough, just look at his batting records. Don’t tell me you think a human can play for so long and create such records. While we are sure Don Bradman was an alien, Sachin indeed is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO.
10. Testimony Down Under
Ricky Ponting and Greg Chappell have stated on record that Sachin indeed is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO, that they have no doubt whatsoever.
“I tried sniffing, licking and eating Sachin’s bat in order to get some DNA proof, but never found any, thereby confirming that he is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO and thus have no DNA at all for me to lick”, said Ponting.
Greg Chappell said, “I never wanted Sachin to open the batting and suggested him to retire coz I always had my doubts about him being human. He confessed to me once that he indeed is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO and that he uses Two Bats. He even showed me how. He then injected some serum into my neck and I forgot all about it, until now when everything is coming back to me.
Deduction:
My sniffometer says that Sachin indeed is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO. My recommendation is to invade Iraq.
Sumbitted by:
Colin Powell
One man sniffing machine
Indian National Congress Hand: The Origin
Listening to the interim budget on television, my mind diverted from Pranab Mukherjee to Congress to its election symbol, the Hand. 15 minutes or so of googling and a coke later, I was still not able to find any definite story behind the Indian national congress election symbol. This led me to use my brain and come out with truth. Here it is. As transparent as it could be.
Hand covering the tri colours stood then for the coming unassuming reign of INC, in that sense Indira after the split of Congress.
Where have you seen this hand so prominently? What else could you relate with this? Guessed right. Budhha.
So is the INC hand, Buddha’s hand. Was Congress after the split based on the principles of Buddha. Was Buddha in any way the originator of the idea of Congress. Did Indira anticipated that like Buddha left the palace, Congress would have to leave Delhi, ousted by Janta Party in near future.
See the composure of the hand. It seems relaxed. It seems preaching. It seems, yes, in Aashirwaad (blessing) mode.
Is a father blessing his son. Or is it motherly compassion.
Or is it the divine blessing via Congress to the people of India? Probably.
Is it the bribing hand. Given the rampant corruption, it might be a message from the future, hinting at the coming corruption and an era of bribes.
During the emergency, was this a slap on the face of the voters. The public.
And Junta was left to do nothing but slap its own head with its hand.
During election campaign 2004-05, this was projected as a helping hand to the poor people.
Now whether the public felt it later as a pickpocket hand is a question to reckon.
I read that during the last general elections, the palm lines were changes in accordance with a palmist. So it may be a palm which carries future of the country concealed in the palm lines. Hope it be the truth.
Stranger on Train: The Handwriting Expert
With the advent of discount airlines in India, frequency of my train travel had become lesser and lesser. I must admit that train travel is an experience of its own. More often than not you meet people who are far from ordinary. You find yourself in situations which you would never find during the normal course of life. Also with each train travel you find more grey hairs on your head, such is the learning you get.
Now that the air fare has sky-rocketed, train travel has once again come back to the fore. This Diwali, we boarded Goa Express from Pune to Agra. Now why didn’t I have confirmed seats and why were we standing through half the journey is a different story altogether and I will cover it up separately. For now I want to tell you about a stranger I met on the train.
Let’s start. I was lying on the upper berth when I heard someone spreading “Gyan”. Don’t ask me how and why, I just know it when some one is giving Gyan. There was this Guy Gyaaning a fellow passenger how to stop eating Gutkha through self control and self motivation. He was a middle aged lean person, whose bald head was shining in my eyes helped by the sunlight from the window. It was a hot day. Apparently, this person was able to study another person by his handwriting. Quite a few passengers were taken aback by his observations about their past and future.
A couple was sitting beside him. The husband in a bid to impress his newly wedded wife; took it upon him to bare the bald con man naked. He jotted down six different signatures of his and threw the challenge to now study him. I could see the wife was really impressed by his hubby’s brilliant stroke as she leaned closer against him. I couldn’t hear what the bald man’s observation were but I could clearly make out the brimming with confidence face of the husband getting paler and paler until he retreated behind his wife, who seemed not much amused now.
I called from above. “Chacha whats up! Whats this art all about”. According to him, this was a quite old American art revived in India by his Guru in Mumbai. He named a number of famous personalities including Sachin Tendulkar who have sought his Gurujis help. According to him Sachin has a certain flaw in his signature which reflects uncertain health issues thus causing frequent elbow injuries. Hmm…Impressive. So the guy knew his art well. I and my friend climbed down to test for ourselves. First me. I wrote down. “My name is Arpit Garg. Tell me something.” It was followed by my signature. He made me write down “dog”, “cat” and couple more of such short words. I was expecting some loose vague remarks, when the very first line he uttered left me shell shocked. I won’t go into detail of the remark as it was something personal about my family. I can only reveal that it was about a relative of ours who has wronged us. Had it been a remark about a vague relative, I would have understood. Instead he pinpointed who the relative was, i.e Chacha, Mama, Foofa, Tau etc. He made certain remarks about my laborious and sharp mind and such other things. By then I wanted to listen no more. When he was about to embark upon my future, I asked him to discontinue. In fact I don’t like predictions about my future in general. But his very first observation about me still lingers in my mind.
I can tell from the faces of people in my compartment that they were quite curious. Many wanted to know about their job prospects, success/failure in business, family, health etc. The usual. Was he a con artist, was he real, was he fake, was he a messenger, was he the Oracle or just a bug.
I have decided to travel by train as much as possible. Come with me. Just one thing. It should be the sleeper compartment. Coz therein lays the true mystic and majestic journey through India.
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