ArpitGarg's Weblog

An opinion of the world around me

Posts Tagged ‘secret

Secret Talks

with 2 comments

Personal Secret is described as something that is known to the person alone and not to any of his acquaintances. Lie is defined as an intentional false statement. They both are related as one leads to another.

Everyone keep secrets. To keep them hidden, they lie. There are various reasons behind. Most common are shame, loss of money, property, love desertion, to brag etc.

I have come across people who kept some weird secrets, told wonderful lies. Some of substance, some just for fun.

1. Kyunki…shhh
A college mate leads the pack. You know how it’s common to deride the ‘Saas-Bahu’ soaps. Well this friend of mine just loved them. The situation was precarious; he couldn’t dare to them watch openly, lest he became butt of all jokes. So he used to download and watch them all alone quietly. As fate would have it, he shared the folder by mistake across the network and the skeletons came tumbling out.

2. Categorically denied
Our society has been divided into class and caste and so is the college admission process. However in some a stigma of being a category student creeps in. Treatment meted out to them could be a reason. There was a guy in our batch, who lied about the same. I won’t go further into the reasons, as the discussion is complex. But when it came out in the open, it left everyone wondering.

3. Had a boyfriend
Most common of them all! Don’t tell about having boyfriend/girlfriend and keep yourself in the market. It’s okay for causal flirting but when done to take advantage, it becomes tasteless. A girl fooled around with a friend to get him to do the academic work allotted to her, while keeping the existence of her boyfriend hidden. Here’s a fact: ‘Guys only help Single Girls’. She knew this well. I can’t say that my friend really cared or so he said later on.

4. From Upstate
We often find people hiding their birth place. Across Europe, I have found people from Pakistan calling them Indians. In Mumbai, few people from UP, Bihar fake their origin to be Delhi. Sometimes out of being scared, sometimes otherwise. A friend of mine introduced himself in the first year as a Delhite. It was only in the final year that we came to know he was from Ghaziabad. He tried to justify by citing NCR. Well reasons can be aplenty. We do still poke him for the same.

5. Opener
A senior at college related to me a funny story. During their first year, a guy told everyone that he was the highest JEE ranked student of their batch. He was called Kholu (common term for rank opener). He enjoyed the limelight for a semester, at the end of which people came to know the truth. They started calling him nakli kholu. Why he lied is still a secret as he maintained his innocence all through.

6. Open the Closet
A serious issue with our society as far as homo-sexuality goes. I have known at least two people who kept it a secret, for obvious reasons though. Hopefully, in future the social stigma attached o it will wither away and people would not have to hide in the closet.

7. Uncle Sam
A first year student who was a localitie was being ragged. He dared the seniors, “My uncle is in ULFA, stay away from me or else don’t tell me I didn’t warn you”. Needless to say, he got away. The fun was, everyone knew he was lying but no one dared to call otherwise.

Sachin Tendulkar: Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO

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With Cricket World Cup played in India this time, CBI tried its level best to nab the betting mafia across the country. They raided many places, intercepted a number of calls, rounded up various persons.

In due course of their investigation they tumbled upon a secret. A secret so explosive, it had the potential to rock the very foundations of cricket. CBI sought help of Colin Powel who was able to sniff Biological Weapons of Mass Destructions (WMD’s) in Iraq even before they were made. “He can sniff into the future”, said a source.

Powell’s sniffing powers were used to sniff out the truth which caused sniffing problems to the CBI sniffers. How sniffy!

Colin1 Colin2

I somehow got hold of For Eyes Only report submitted to the CBI by Powell. Being an ardent fan of Wikileaks, I can’t hold but leak it over on you guys. The truth being,

Sachin Tendulkar is not human. He is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine
from DRDO (Defence Research and Development Organisation)

Master Blaster

The Fact Finding Closure Report
on
The secret that caused sniffing problems to the CBI

Object:
Sniff out the truth about Sachin being Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO.

Findings:
When CBI first called me, I was sniffing Hamburgers in my sleep. Turned out I had some extra the night before. Anyways, I have been on the job from day one. My findings are based on observations, proofs and witnesses below.

1. Twin Bat Theory
Sachin uses Not One but Two Bats simultaneously. It is just not possible for a human to use Two Bats. As an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO, only Sachin has such a power. The other bat being invisible we are not able to see it from naked eyes. Hot Spot might be able to intercept it, hence Sachin has opposed UDRS. CBI used military grade technology to get the pictorial evidence. Look closely.

Two Bats1 Two Bats3

Two Bats4 Two Bats2

2. Sachin can inflate/deflate himself
This came as a shock even to CBI. Kudos to DRDO! It’s very tough to infuse inflation/deflation power in a machine. In fact very few super heroes have such a power. He uses the scientific fact that air has weight. He inflates his right arm with air and generates huge power to play master strokes.

InflateAir

3. Multiple Sachin
There are multiple Sachin roaming around. No two consecutive matches are played by same Sachin. This gives time to rectify any wear and tear which leads to consistency. Evidence has been provided by a dysfunctional prototype of the same generation known as Vinod Kambli who was created along with Sachin.

Multiple1 Multiple4 Multiple3

4. Project Sachin was commissioned two years before the first World Cup
Investigators have found out that Project Sachin was started way back in 1973 in a bid to win the inaugural World Cup. Like everything else in India, it got delayed too. On when to retire Sachin, a prominent scientist associated with the project told us on the promise of anonymity, “We can’t stop it. It’s out of our hands. It won’t stop till it fulfills its target of winning the World Cup. It’s designed that way. Don’t you get it?”

Born1 Born2 Born3

5. Sachin is Ambidextrous
Like all other machines, Sachin is ambidextrous. He has tried to keep it hidden from public but we are not the ones to be fooled. He writes with his left hand, Cuts cake with right hand, bats with right hand. A perfect machine!

Ambi5 Ambi2

He can even bowl from one hand and bat from the other simultaneously.

Ambi4 Ambi3

6. Anatomically Speaking
Sachin’s Infra-Red imaging and its subsequent studies have revealed that he is not human; definitely a machine. Look closely at the curves, the joints and the posture; the ligament, the tissue and the liver; the heart, the head and the toe and tell me that he looks Human.

Ana1 Ana3 Ana4

7. Induction in Air Force
Give the shortage of pilots, Sachin has been inducted into the Indian Air Force. They made it to look like an honorary post. It’s far from truth. It is said that Sachin can convert his body into a fighter jet just like Tranformers and IAF will reach invincible levels post his induction.

IAF3 IAF2 IAF1

8. He lives in shell shaped chamber
Sachin lives in a shell shaped chamber. He is not designed to stay in a normal house. He wanted the new house to be built like a shell but has to reject the idea coz media got hold of it. Here is what the house would have looked had it been build. Similar is the shape of the chamber inside his house in which he resides.

House1

9. The record speaks for itself
If all this proof if not enough, just look at his batting records. Don’t tell me you think a human can play for so long and create such records. While we are sure Don Bradman was an alien, Sachin indeed is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO.

Record1 Record2 Record3

10. Testimony Down Under
Ricky Ponting and Greg Chappell have stated on record that Sachin indeed is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO, that they have no doubt whatsoever.

“I tried sniffing, licking and eating Sachin’s bat in order to get some DNA proof, but never found any, thereby confirming that he is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO  and thus have no DNA at all for me to lick”, said Ponting.

Aussie1

Greg Chappell said, “I never wanted Sachin to open the batting and suggested him to retire coz I always had my doubts about him being human. He confessed to me once that he indeed is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO and that he uses Two Bats. He even showed me how. He then injected some serum into my neck and I forgot all about it, until now when everything is coming back to me.

Aussie2 Aussie3

Deduction:
My sniffometer says that Sachin indeed is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO. My recommendation is to invade Iraq.

Deduct Iraq

Sumbitted by:
Colin Powell
One man sniffing machine

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