ArpitGarg's Weblog

An opinion of the world around me

Posts Tagged ‘girls

8 Things Every Guy must Learn from Pyar Ka Punchnama 2

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pyaar-ka-punchnama-2-firstlook

1. Whenever the girl cites parental pressure for not marrying the boyfriend, she never would marry a 50K earning man which her father finds, if her boyfriend earns 2lac. No, she would wait till her father finds a 2lac or more earning groom for her. So much for parental pressure.

2. When you say Sorry, the girl is not content. “Do you know why you are Sorry”, “You don’t even know why you are Sorry” are her next statements. Come ‘on, I am saying Sorry for the thing we were just fighting about. How hard can it be?

3. “Where do you find such guys who are best friends with a girl, who is in relationship with another guy? Who makes such best friends?” Everything is platonic with them. Kiss, Hug, probably even s*x. At the end of the movie it is aptly shown that such best friends are nothing but a backup.

4. “I always split bills. It is non-negotiable for me”. Every time you pay, she would say, “Remind me to pay you back”. But she would never pay back. Her only issues will be about the money you spend when you are with your friends. “Your friends, they take advantage of you”. Irony is the girl is the one taking the utmost advantage.

5. A hint of financial instability, and she would be through the roof. If you want to do anything of your own, you can expect next to nil support from her. “Don’t I have any say?”, If you say Yes, then she would ask you to shelve your dreams and continue with the job, that you don’t want to. If you say No, then she would get a reason to make your life miserable.

6. She would spare no time to throw, “Lets Break up” on your face. Just for the fun of it and playing with your emotions. Something like, “to teach you a lesson”. So that you go crawling on your feet, begging and apologizing.

7. She would never agree with anything you try and explain. Same thing, if her friends and colleagues would explain, she would get it in an instant. You would always be the wrong one.

8. She knew she never would marry you against her parent’s wishes and her parents would never agree. Still for years she would use you for fun, shopping and time pass. She also needs some enjoyment till she gets married. “I know I don’t have entire life with you, have only few months. I would like you spend those few months with you. I want to”. She would not spare a moment, telling the police that you drugged her and molested her. Under parental pressure of course.

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Written by arpitgarg

October 21, 2015 at 3:06 pm

Posted in Cinema/Tele

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भक् साला

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जब दिखी कोई सुन्दर कन्या,
मन मचला सा क्यों जाता है,
जैसे बिन चाबी का ताला,
दिल करे कि बोलूं भक् साला।

उस दिन तो यारों हद हो गयी,
घर का रास्ता ही भटक गया,
कोई वशी-इत्र उसने डाला,
दिल करे कि बोलूं भक् साला।

सब्जी लेने को गया था मैं,
वहां किलो-२ भर तोल रही,
धनिया भी मुफ्त में न डाला,
दिल करे कि बोलूं भक् साला।

सोचा चलो जांच मैं करवा लूँ,
आँखें हैं ठीक, बोली डॉक्टर,
पर चरित्र है तेरा कुछ काला,
दिल करे कि बोलूं भक् साला।

फूलों की टोकरी, रख सर पर,
बेच रही वो, लगा पुकार,
मेरे मन ने बना ली वरमाला,
दिल करे कि बोलूं भक् साला।

सोचा कई बार, त्याग दूँ सब,
आखिर कब तक करूंगा मैं,
मस्ती तफरी, और मधुशाला,
चल हट दिल नौटंकी साला।।

Written by arpitgarg

September 15, 2014 at 3:01 am

Posted in Funny, Hindi, Poetry

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Top 5 Tips for Girls to Gain Weight

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Of late size zero has become a phenomenon. Humanity has never lost so much weight in history as today. What girls tend to forget is that guys like curves. Slim figure is welcome but zero is not. Most thin girls have a phobia that by gaining weight they will look fat. First of all they should shed this inhibition. A little bit of chubbiness adds to the beauty anytime.

For all those single girls whom I have been able to brainwash into gaining weight by my above appeal, here are certain easy tips. Follow them and you will thrive and men will hover around like a beehive.

Tip No 1 – Find a Guy who lives alone
It’s quite easy to find a guy in metro cities who is working there and lives away from family alone. Such guys tend to eat out most of the times rather than cooking. You will start eating out too. Eating out regularly will add that missing kilos in no time.

Tip No 2 – Hit the bed long
Getting lots of sleep is one of the easiest ways to gain weight. A minimum of 8 hours sleep is necessary. Anything above is a bonus. This way weight gain would be like a dream come true.

Tip No 3 – Beer it
Over the centuries ‘Beer belly’ has been one of the most controversial phrase. But it works and how. Drink beer regularly for a month and you wouldn’t believe how lovely you look with those plum cheeks.

Tip No 4 – Don’t flunk the junk
Go junkie! Those Big Macs, fries, pizzas, pastas are a sure shot path towards glory. Never be scared of the food. Eat as much and as junk as you can.

Tip No 5 – Get married
Easiest of them all! Scientists have been wondering over the years as to why Indian women gain weight so quickly as soon as they get married. Regardless of the reason behind, it works. The only flip side is that you are married now.

Bonus Tip: Call me!

Written by arpitgarg

July 21, 2011 at 8:39 pm

Secret Talks

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Personal Secret is described as something that is known to the person alone and not to any of his acquaintances. Lie is defined as an intentional false statement. They both are related as one leads to another.

Everyone keep secrets. To keep them hidden, they lie. There are various reasons behind. Most common are shame, loss of money, property, love desertion, to brag etc.

I have come across people who kept some weird secrets, told wonderful lies. Some of substance, some just for fun.

1. Kyunki…shhh
A college mate leads the pack. You know how it’s common to deride the ‘Saas-Bahu’ soaps. Well this friend of mine just loved them. The situation was precarious; he couldn’t dare to them watch openly, lest he became butt of all jokes. So he used to download and watch them all alone quietly. As fate would have it, he shared the folder by mistake across the network and the skeletons came tumbling out.

2. Categorically denied
Our society has been divided into class and caste and so is the college admission process. However in some a stigma of being a category student creeps in. Treatment meted out to them could be a reason. There was a guy in our batch, who lied about the same. I won’t go further into the reasons, as the discussion is complex. But when it came out in the open, it left everyone wondering.

3. Had a boyfriend
Most common of them all! Don’t tell about having boyfriend/girlfriend and keep yourself in the market. It’s okay for causal flirting but when done to take advantage, it becomes tasteless. A girl fooled around with a friend to get him to do the academic work allotted to her, while keeping the existence of her boyfriend hidden. Here’s a fact: ‘Guys only help Single Girls’. She knew this well. I can’t say that my friend really cared or so he said later on.

4. From Upstate
We often find people hiding their birth place. Across Europe, I have found people from Pakistan calling them Indians. In Mumbai, few people from UP, Bihar fake their origin to be Delhi. Sometimes out of being scared, sometimes otherwise. A friend of mine introduced himself in the first year as a Delhite. It was only in the final year that we came to know he was from Ghaziabad. He tried to justify by citing NCR. Well reasons can be aplenty. We do still poke him for the same.

5. Opener
A senior at college related to me a funny story. During their first year, a guy told everyone that he was the highest JEE ranked student of their batch. He was called Kholu (common term for rank opener). He enjoyed the limelight for a semester, at the end of which people came to know the truth. They started calling him nakli kholu. Why he lied is still a secret as he maintained his innocence all through.

6. Open the Closet
A serious issue with our society as far as homo-sexuality goes. I have known at least two people who kept it a secret, for obvious reasons though. Hopefully, in future the social stigma attached o it will wither away and people would not have to hide in the closet.

7. Uncle Sam
A first year student who was a localitie was being ragged. He dared the seniors, “My uncle is in ULFA, stay away from me or else don’t tell me I didn’t warn you”. Needless to say, he got away. The fun was, everyone knew he was lying but no one dared to call otherwise.

An Ode to Girls: Eat Pao not Bhao

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Nahin yaar kal time nahin hai. Some other time”, she would say over the phone. And then giggle away to her friend. “Thoda bhaav khana zaroori hai. Dekh ab kaise peeche peeche aata hai”.

This is the fundamental problems with girls that I never have been comfortable with. This might work with the vella guys who have no work and are just fishing around. With guys who have a professional life and that to a busy one, such tactics are bound to backfire.

There have to be an equal participation in a relationship even to start it off. Working guys have very less time during weekdays and sometimes weekends are busy too. So if you squander away the meeting just for the fun of it, to entice him, to tease him. There might not be a second one. Life moves on and so would he.

If you feel interested in him, there is no point squandering the meeting. If you want to play ‘hard to get’, there are other tactics to apply. Make him wait at the dinner. Guys have no problem in waiting, even for hours. They would never complain; you would find them sipping coffee and happy when you finally arrive. You can take calls a number of times when with him. You can seem disinterested in all the crap that he is shooting off. That’s all fine.

The bottom line is you have to be there. For most of the guys, out of sight is out of mind. The phone calls, the messages, are fine up to some time. After that it gives a feeling that you are too hard to get and if the guy has his work too in mind, he will wither away. Chase how much you might then, it would be of no help.

So if you find a guy for whom you feel positive vibes and butterflies. It’s better not to play too hard. Spend time together. Be there in sight. Coz obviously if you think he is not up to, you can any day break it off.

Written by arpitgarg

March 24, 2011 at 1:01 pm

शादी मुबारक हो दोस्त!

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बात उन दिनों की है,
जब बेफिक्री का आलम था,
फ़ालतू थे, वक़्त नहीं कम था,
संग में छड़ी थी वो सीड़ियाँ,
संग में लिया था पहला कदम|
 
वो पहला कश, वो पहला जाम,
वो चुराया हुआ पल, वो अधूरा काम,
संग में छेड़ी थी कुडियां,
संग में डाला था दाना,
वो देना सफायियाँ, नया बहाना|
 
हर दिन नयी कसम,
बस आज से पढ़ेंगे,
नया अध्याय, शुरू करेंगे,
और वही हर बार का काम,
दिन को लुक्खागिरी, रात को जाम|
 
वो संपादकीय लेख,
वो अपनी धौंस जमाना,
देख लेंगे साले को, अगला लेख उस पे,
पता नहीं है पंगा लिया है किस से,
साथ-साथ थे, इसलिए सब कर गए,
वरना यही कहते कि, ‘… लग गए’|
 
वो पालतू बिल्ली जो थी,
आज भी याद आती है,
बिलोंटा देखते ही,
उसकी चीख निकल जाती थी|
 
संग में मिलकर दुनिया को गालियाँ दी,
अलग-अलग शहर चले गए,
नज़र लग गयी उसी ज़माने की|
 
तू अब नयी ज़िन्दगी शुरू करने जा रहा है,
बहुत खुश हूँ दोस्त तेरे लिए,
तू सलामत रहे यही दुआ करूंगा,
क्यूंकि करता हूँ में खुद से भी बहुत प्यार, 
मेरी उम्र तुझे लग जाए, यह नहीं कहूँगा|
 
तेरी होनी वाली जीवन साथी से,
तुझे मिले अपार प्रेम,
जब कभी तेरे घर आऊँ,
वैसे तो दोस्तों से कम ही मिल पाते हैं,
एक कप चाय पिला दे भाभी बस,
यह ना कहे, “कैसे-कैसे दोस्त आ जाते हैं”?

Racism: Reverse and Progressive

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A lot has kept us busy as a nation last couple of weeks. CWG, Mohali win and most recently some serious allegations of racism against a few officials from down under.

If I am right, Ministry of External Affairs, India summoned High Commissioners of respective countries and lodged protests. Last I heard the said individuals either resigned or were ousted and rightly so. Such behavior has no place in civilized societies.

Okay, tell me one thing. Has racism sprung up all of a sudden during recent times? The answer would be a no. Racism is a perception which a society or a race developes about contemporary society or race overtime. It’s just that with the advent of Globalization, these days we get to know of it real time. Earlier Lord Ganesha on Chappals was mere fashion for a society that doesn’t know anything about him, Today it is offensive.

Tell me frankly, how many of us think Bhajji did indeed utter “Maa Ki” and not the racist slur. Why then were we as a nation hell bent on seeing Bhajji free of the allegations? Now come ‘on, it had nothing to do with lack of evidence or anything thereof. If such had been the case then all our politicians were saints.

To be frank it’s about who is leveling the allegations. Had the opposite team been Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, West Indies or for that matter South Africa, we as a nation might not have backed our player to that extent. Why? Coz we have seen long periods of unabashed Aussie sledging as a reminder of the days of the Raj perhaps.

When a society which has perception of being shamelessly racist, throws up allegations of such sort, it seems rubbing salt in the wound. You gotta handle what you dish out. Right?

But what worries me more is a developing phenomenon, Reverse Racism. In our part of world racism is generally related to prejudice that developed white nations have against us about them being superior. The aspect of racism under which emerging societies like us berate, taunt or create a certain perception about developed nations is what I call Reverse Racism.

When white girls are considered nothing but free meat. Whole society is said to lack values. If it’s not racism, what is it? I was shocked to see in a recent episode of Bigg Boss, a dozen white models in skimpy dresses made to dance with the ousted contestant. Just as his inaam. When the whole crowd enjoys it, it’s not just racism, it’s sadness.

Equally frightening is Progressive Racism. Progressive racism is when slightly more developed race is prejudiced against slightly lesser developed race.

When an African student in Delhi University is called Kaalu. A person from the same region is called Habshi on national TV. When CWG teams from African countries are given step motherly treatment. On daily basis do we see jokes being made on color of skin on TV. “Abey door hat, tu rang chodta hai”. Sab log fair and lovely lagate hain, yeh cherry blossom lagata hai. Abe langoor ke bhai.

I am not trying to be apologetic here, I hate that frankly. But if such progressive and reverse racism continues in our society, we too would lose our moral right to complain. We would just be another hypocrite in the bunch. Do we really want that? It’s bit scary to answer, isn’t it?

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