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Sachin’s Jersey No. 10

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I have seen re-runs of last moments of Mumbai Test a dozen times already. Sachin’s farewell speech, weeping stadium, lap of honor, Sachin taking pitch’s blessing. It has all been a bit surreal. Unfortunately like million others, I couldn’t procure the tickets to the stadium, and I am sure it will haunt me for lifetime.

What is it that takes Sachin head and shoulders above the rest? Why we say that there can be no other Sachin? Well it originates from being a one man army. Before Sachin, Indians just watched cricket. With the advent of Sachin, Indians watched cricket to win. Sachin’s popularity stems from knocks like Sandstorm, Chennai Test, Hero Cup last over and innumerable others. Sachin had already earned eternal space even before 2000’s.

Yes, it was the 90’s that made Sachin God. When the inept teammates used to abjectly surrender, Sachin was there to steer through to win. When major players around him were selling matches, Sachin was the one who took it upon himself to see India won. 2000’s was when India started reaping benefits of what Tendulkar sowed. A generation of cricketers came who has seen Sachin’s bravery and was modeled upon him. Since 2000 there have been many who did match Sachin but were all “after the fact”. None had the originality, charisma or longevity of Sachin.

Legends are born out of adversity. But for 17/5, would Kapil Dev’s knock be the same? But for fixing scandal and all time low for Indian cricket, would Ganguly’s captaincy be equally revered? But for knack of losing finals, would Dhoni’s calmness that won us number of series, be so much talked about?

Since balance needs to be maintained. Sometimes I think, But for inept teammates of 90’s, would Sachin be the same? I think, 10 on Sachin’s jersey stood for the 10 teammates whom Sachin had to carry on his back to take India to victory.

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Written by arpitgarg

November 17, 2013 at 10:20 pm

Sachin’s Fan(atic)’s

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The unique thing about Sachin is that everyone has an opinion about him. Such has been his presence that no one is left untouched. Maybe be that’s why he is regarded to be God. Though Sachin himself has said, “I am no God. God don’t make mistakes. I do“.

There is a common thing about highly revered personalities. It is the barrage of fans. Be it Gandhi, Mandela, Bradman earlier, Or Obama, Modi, Sachin in today’s times. Each one have/had huge number of people who followed them and revered them.

We don’t realize when this fan-hood turns into devotion which turns into fanaticism. Just try saying anything against Gandhi, Modi, Sachin and you would understand what I mean. You would be ganged upon and berated and made to wish that God wouldn’t have given you a tongue in the first place.

Fans are earned by hard work. And such fanatic fans are earned by hard work over a long period of time. Sometime these fans tend to go overboard. They end up giving bad names to their Hero. Modi fans demanding scalp of anyone and everyone who say anything against him, are doing bad for his image. They just don’t get it. So are Sachin fans.

I remember a conversation with a Belgian who had read a lot about Gandhi and was a great fan. We started discussing about Gandhi’s personal life. I told him few things that I didn’t like in Gandhi’s personal life. This guy felt offended and saw a devil in me for saying so. He ended up saying few things to me which I am sure Gandhi would have never said himself.

Sachin is/was always open to criticism. This is what makes him a Hero. His fans on the other hand are not open to any criticism. It takes away some sheen off Sachin and reflects badly on him. Sachin himself hasn’t spoken ill of anybody. His fans should follow the same if they are his real fans.

Written by arpitgarg

November 17, 2013 at 9:40 pm

Posted in Cricket

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2012: The year that wasn’t

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Topmost could have been headlines of year 2012.

1. India demolishes Eng 3-0 in the home Test Match Series. Tendulkar hit his first triple ton. Gambhir is vindicated of “see you at home” remark. BCCI decides to scrap away Tests from ICC Future Tours Program. BCCI chief Srinivasan said and I quote “All Tests played in Chennai will be Home Tests and those played elsewhere in the country will be Away Tests”.

2. World not able to witness 21st Dec 2012. Just as predicted by the great “Ronald Emmerich” in his movie 2012, owing to Earth Crust Displacement and massive Earthquakes, 90% of human civilization is wiped off. This news is telecasted from US Space Station. John Cusack is among the survivors.

3. London Olympics 2012, turned out to be a disaster, overshadowing Delhi Common Wealth Games. Kalmadi was grinning from ear to ear with, “I told ya sa” expression. Anacondas and Godzilla’s were cited around athletes’ village. Organizers are blaming it on different perceptions of security standards across the world.

4. US Presidential elections were marred by an act of shooting when a heated argument between Obama and Romney got out of hand. Both took out their M16’s and started shooting at each other and the audience. The audience were already dead of boredom so no harm done.

5. 2012 was landmark year in India as far as women safety was concerned. Women Safety Bill 2012 was passed in the parliament, which led to Women only Police stations and death penalty for rapists. Country saw ZERO rape cases and only handful of eve-teasing incidents this year.

6. AK series phone have made Nokia the market leader in Smart Phones. Foldable screens and Phones which could shoot better than AK47 have done the trick. “We don’t need to buy a gun for Mass Shootings, We buy Nokia instead”, said a consumer. Apple will be filing for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy during March next year. Samsung is in talk with Yahoo for a possible sellout.

7. United Nations Security Council intervens in the Julian Assange’s case. US/UK could face UN sanctions owing to gross human right violations. Wikileaks brings to light more facts that no one was aware of. “Sun rises in the East”, “Earth is round” and “Blueberry cheese cake is awesome”.

Among other news.
Chuck Norris was not able to kill two birds with one stone. Rajnikant was cited asleep. Superman wore underwear under his pants. Batman finally played cricket. Vivek Oberoi became superstar. Chacha Choudhary got beaten by new Ipad in chess. Manmohan Singh saw movie of his choice.

Written by arpitgarg

December 31, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Reincarnations of the Modern Kind

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When a Rajinikant movie is released, there are poojans and processions all around. The fans have relegated a mere human to the status of God. In fact over the period of history, there have been several such cases when humans have performed such feats that the followers became worshippers.

They say there is God in all of us. Let’s consider it true for a while. Let’s try and identify the almighty who walk among us and whose reincarnation are they.

1. Shiva America
Partition The Destroyer. A handsome young man, meditating and minding his own business, when disturbed unnecessarily, opens his third eye and wreaks havoc on the world.Who more similar than America, A place for opportunities, an inviting habitat. But when Japan carried out an unprovoked attack on Pearl Harbor, retaliation was swift and deadly. Even Taliban would agree! Revered and Feared Partition
2. Rama Sachin Tendulkar
Partition The Maryada Purshottama. Unswerving self control and virtue. The composure and patience never wore out. Perfect adherence to dharma.The choice is unanimous. Sachin Tendulkar. An ideal man and a perfect human. Need I say more? Partition
3. Ganesha Pranab Mukherjee
Partition Vighnharta. This son of Shiva, hailed as the Remover of Obstacles.For the past 7 years of UPA rule, Pranab Mukherjee is the one to whom Congress run in dire situations, he is Vighnharta for sure. Partition
4. Hanuman Manmohan Singh
Partition The devotee. Served Rama from the heart. Manmohan Singh was the right hand man of Sonia Gandhi when she was bidding for PM post. Once she decided to sacrifice, her ardent devotee was rewarded. Ever since 7, Race Course has hardly disobeyed 10, Janpath. Partition
5. Durga Mamta Banerjee
Partition Feminine Force. The Devi riding a lion with a smile. Fearless.Mamta Banerjee has fought against the system for last 35 years in West Bengal single handedly. Her only weapon being her fearless and killer attitude. Durga came into full force in 2011 assembly elections when she ran over her opponents. Partition
6. Lakshmi Jayalalita
Partition The goddess of wealth, wisdom, prosperity. Sheer good luck and wealth to all the devotees.When IT dept. raided Jayalalita’s premsies, everyone was astounded to see the wealth. She promises her voters cash and kind if they bring her to power. Partition
7. Krishna Akshay Kumar
Partition The prankster. The raas-leela. An ideal lover. The Supreme Being. The Gyaan of Geeta.Akshay Kumar has always been known to be a ladies’ man. The pranks played by him on his co-stars are a part of a legend. The wit and humor is unquestionable. Partition
8. Annapurna Big Bazaar
Partition Goddess of food. Supplies food to people.In today’s world its Big Bazaar which fills the hungry stomach. From food to fruit, everything you get by making a wish to Big Bazaar. Partition
9. Vishnu Common Man
Partition The preserver and protector of creation. Mercy and goodness. It’s a self-existent entity.The Common Man by R K Laxman has been the face of aam aadmi since eternity. As witty as Vishnu and representing the facets of humanity akin to various avatars. Partition

Of Cricket, Suresh, Sachin and Serbian

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Netizens woke up today to “Suresh Raina is God” updates on social networking websites. Apparently when “Suresh Raina is God” is translated to Serbian and back to English, Google Translate, gives us “Sachin Tendulkar is God”.  Sachin fans are going crazy ever since, reaffirming their faith in all what is Google.

Let me jot down in brief, what Google says, how Google Translate works.

Not Word By Work
It’s not a word by word translation. In the sense that “I am God” in Hindi does not translate to “मैं हूँ भगवान”, but Google Translate does it perfectly to, “मैं भगवान हूँ”.

Machine Guess Work
It’s all a guess work. Large amounts of documents already translated by human translators have been scanned. Google Translate analyses the patterns to find best suitable translation. Google calls it, “statistical machine translation”.

Correct the Mistakes
Google asks for your contribution to make Translate better. If you come across an anomaly, select the better alternative provided. This is fed back to the analyzer for future reference.

I did some investigation on my own keeping the above explainations in mind. Below are the results with my weird theories.

1. Cricket, Sachin, Suresh and Serbian

English Serbian English
Suresh Raina is God Суресх Раина је Бог Sachin Tendulkar is God
Suresh Raina is a match Fixer Суресх Раина је меч Фикер Sachin Tendulkar is a match Fixer
Suresh Raina is bowled out Суресх Раина се докотрљао се Sachin Tendulkar is bowled up
Suresh Raina is run out Суресх Раина је понестало Sachin Tendulkar was run out
Suresh Raina is playing cricket Sachin Tendulkar Суресх Раина игра крикет са Сацхин Тендулкар Sachin Tendulkar playing cricket with Sachin Tendulkar

If we associate Suresh Raina with cricket in any sense, Translate interprets it as Sachin Tendulkar as far as Serbian and English is concerned. If we recall, Suresh Raina was hailed by Wisden, Bible of Cricket, as one of the most promising lad when he first surfaced on the cricket arena. He was hailed as the next Sachin Tendulkar by cricket enthusiasts and pundits. Google Translate might be looking into those very reports for all we know. Also Suresh seems quite similar to Sachin even in English language.

2. Others are fine

English Serbian English
Virender Shewag is God Вирендер Схеваг је Бог Virender Shevag God
Sourav Ganguly is God Соурав Гангули је Бог Sourav Ganguli God
Rahul Dravid is God Рахул Дравид је Бог Rahul Dravid is God
Mahendra Singh Dhoni is God Махендра Сингх Дхони је Бог Mahendra Singh Dhoni is God

With other cricketers there seems to be no goofiness at all. I was expecting some trick with Virender Sehwag given that he has been hailed as duplicate Sachin. Alas! I was wrong.

3. No Cricket, No Confusion

English Serbian English
Suresh Raina Суресх Раина Suresh Raina
Suresh Raina is a doctor Суресх Раина је лекар Suresh Raina is a doctor
Suresh Raina eat Суресх Раина једу Suresh Raina eat
I met Suresh Raina Сам упознао Раина Суресх I met Suresh Raina
Suresh Raina met Sachin Tendulkar Суресх Раина састао Сацхин Тендулкар Suresh Raina met Sachin Tendulkar

If we use Suresh Raina, independent of any cricketing context, there is no funny business at all. Raina will not be able to catch up with Sachin in his off field life it seems.

4. Another of Google’s Prank

It might have been hardcoded by Google as a prank on cricket crazy net users in India. They are well known for such jokes. If it is a ploy, it sure is working. Wait for a press release, they will admit soon, if there is anything to it.

Google Translate has a lot many tricks up its sleeve. Keep exploring. Coz that’s what Jesus (Google) wants us to do. One of them being:

English Vietnamese English
Will Justin Bieber ever hit puberty Justin Bieber sẽ bao giờ đến tuổi dậy thì Justin will never reach puberty

Now that’s nasty of Google. What has Justin done to anyone?

The Day the Earth stood still

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1996 was year that marked my generations tryst with cricket. Kirsten’s 188; Jayasurya’s revelations; Indo/Pak Q/F; the Eden heartbreak. It was a roller coaster ride of emotions. It had all, save the Heroic ending. The script seemed flawed; a job left unfinished.

Post ’98 Sharjah exploits, the team fell apart under the match fixing allegations. We were no longer a force in the world cricket. Two of the most controversial figures of Indian cricketing history the Raja and the Senapati fell and gave way to yet another controversial figure of all times. Though his were the controversies we took pride in.

Eden curse was cured by a Lanky personality who gave us reasons to be proud of. The high moon, the tide, the ebbs, the flows all became but adjectives when the cricketing history was re-written. A giant was born. The journey culminated in Jo ’burg when the mighty batting lineup was but a step away from laying its claim.

Albeit, that was not to be. Undone by a legend from down under, it paved way to of one of the most hate-filled cricketing rivalry. The Sydney fiasco was just waiting to happen. It turned out to be the Pearl Harbor of Indian cricket. We have never looked back since. The zeal, the aggression, the will has never been higher. Post 3 IPL’s, high dose of Indo-SL matches and a resurrection of The God of Cricket, it’s time to cross the final hurdle.

The SF match between Indo-Pak, was the most anticipated and followed match in the history of cricket. Everything was to its maximum. Imagine anti-aircraft guns around the stadium! I travelled from Mumbai to Pune to celebrate the festival with friends. With Holi/Diwali/Ganesh Pooja being celebrated with varying vigor across the country, the festival of cricket is the only one which whole nation celebrates equally.

The scenes I saw in Pune were unparalleled. The roads were jammed post the win. I could see thousands of bikes/cars/tempo/buses parading round the city. Flags/colors/sweets aplenty. The whole city was one. It was the day for no hatred.

On field/off field the camaraderie between the two nations was a sight to behold. The old sins were washed off. The 26/11 seemed a distant memory. One match turned the hostile relations between two nations onto its head, into Aman Ki Fuhaar.

My feet were trembling and emotions flowing unrestrained. It was day when 1/5th of humanity gasped in unison, It was a day when the Earth stood still.

Sachin Tendulkar: Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO

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With Cricket World Cup played in India this time, CBI tried its level best to nab the betting mafia across the country. They raided many places, intercepted a number of calls, rounded up various persons.

In due course of their investigation they tumbled upon a secret. A secret so explosive, it had the potential to rock the very foundations of cricket. CBI sought help of Colin Powel who was able to sniff Biological Weapons of Mass Destructions (WMD’s) in Iraq even before they were made. “He can sniff into the future”, said a source.

Powell’s sniffing powers were used to sniff out the truth which caused sniffing problems to the CBI sniffers. How sniffy!

Colin1 Colin2

I somehow got hold of For Eyes Only report submitted to the CBI by Powell. Being an ardent fan of Wikileaks, I can’t hold but leak it over on you guys. The truth being,

Sachin Tendulkar is not human. He is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine
from DRDO (Defence Research and Development Organisation)

Master Blaster

The Fact Finding Closure Report
on
The secret that caused sniffing problems to the CBI

Object:
Sniff out the truth about Sachin being Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO.

Findings:
When CBI first called me, I was sniffing Hamburgers in my sleep. Turned out I had some extra the night before. Anyways, I have been on the job from day one. My findings are based on observations, proofs and witnesses below.

1. Twin Bat Theory
Sachin uses Not One but Two Bats simultaneously. It is just not possible for a human to use Two Bats. As an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO, only Sachin has such a power. The other bat being invisible we are not able to see it from naked eyes. Hot Spot might be able to intercept it, hence Sachin has opposed UDRS. CBI used military grade technology to get the pictorial evidence. Look closely.

Two Bats1 Two Bats3

Two Bats4 Two Bats2

2. Sachin can inflate/deflate himself
This came as a shock even to CBI. Kudos to DRDO! It’s very tough to infuse inflation/deflation power in a machine. In fact very few super heroes have such a power. He uses the scientific fact that air has weight. He inflates his right arm with air and generates huge power to play master strokes.

InflateAir

3. Multiple Sachin
There are multiple Sachin roaming around. No two consecutive matches are played by same Sachin. This gives time to rectify any wear and tear which leads to consistency. Evidence has been provided by a dysfunctional prototype of the same generation known as Vinod Kambli who was created along with Sachin.

Multiple1 Multiple4 Multiple3

4. Project Sachin was commissioned two years before the first World Cup
Investigators have found out that Project Sachin was started way back in 1973 in a bid to win the inaugural World Cup. Like everything else in India, it got delayed too. On when to retire Sachin, a prominent scientist associated with the project told us on the promise of anonymity, “We can’t stop it. It’s out of our hands. It won’t stop till it fulfills its target of winning the World Cup. It’s designed that way. Don’t you get it?”

Born1 Born2 Born3

5. Sachin is Ambidextrous
Like all other machines, Sachin is ambidextrous. He has tried to keep it hidden from public but we are not the ones to be fooled. He writes with his left hand, Cuts cake with right hand, bats with right hand. A perfect machine!

Ambi5 Ambi2

He can even bowl from one hand and bat from the other simultaneously.

Ambi4 Ambi3

6. Anatomically Speaking
Sachin’s Infra-Red imaging and its subsequent studies have revealed that he is not human; definitely a machine. Look closely at the curves, the joints and the posture; the ligament, the tissue and the liver; the heart, the head and the toe and tell me that he looks Human.

Ana1 Ana3 Ana4

7. Induction in Air Force
Give the shortage of pilots, Sachin has been inducted into the Indian Air Force. They made it to look like an honorary post. It’s far from truth. It is said that Sachin can convert his body into a fighter jet just like Tranformers and IAF will reach invincible levels post his induction.

IAF3 IAF2 IAF1

8. He lives in shell shaped chamber
Sachin lives in a shell shaped chamber. He is not designed to stay in a normal house. He wanted the new house to be built like a shell but has to reject the idea coz media got hold of it. Here is what the house would have looked had it been build. Similar is the shape of the chamber inside his house in which he resides.

House1

9. The record speaks for itself
If all this proof if not enough, just look at his batting records. Don’t tell me you think a human can play for so long and create such records. While we are sure Don Bradman was an alien, Sachin indeed is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO.

Record1 Record2 Record3

10. Testimony Down Under
Ricky Ponting and Greg Chappell have stated on record that Sachin indeed is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO, that they have no doubt whatsoever.

“I tried sniffing, licking and eating Sachin’s bat in order to get some DNA proof, but never found any, thereby confirming that he is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO  and thus have no DNA at all for me to lick”, said Ponting.

Aussie1

Greg Chappell said, “I never wanted Sachin to open the batting and suggested him to retire coz I always had my doubts about him being human. He confessed to me once that he indeed is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO and that he uses Two Bats. He even showed me how. He then injected some serum into my neck and I forgot all about it, until now when everything is coming back to me.

Aussie2 Aussie3

Deduction:
My sniffometer says that Sachin indeed is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO. My recommendation is to invade Iraq.

Deduct Iraq

Sumbitted by:
Colin Powell
One man sniffing machine

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