ArpitGarg's Weblog

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Posts Tagged ‘australia

Scams are good

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A leading newspaper carried a story about petition filed by a multi-millionaire 2G accused, asking for a prison cell with less dust and less heat. Apparently he had some health issues as his lawyer pointed out. There were other stories carried out in media about how 2G and CWG VIP detainees were unhappy with the conditions in the prison and have even taken it up with the authorities.

I for one support their demands. In fact in Hinduism, paap-dhona as it is called, this might just be the deed, which would absolve them of their sins. Let me explain, how.

A while ago, a friend forwarded me an e-mail. There were images of a lovely place. It looked like an awesome hotel. Plush rooms, lavish swimming pool, scenic surrounding and appealing facilities. I needed to identify it. As always, I scrolled to the answer directly; was amazed to find out that it was a state penitentiary in Australia.

It was in stark contrast with its Indian counterparts. But given the condition of our slums, when even free people are forced to live in dire conditions, how can the jailed ones be treated any better. Lobbying for better facilities for so called criminals and thugs will only attract bad publicity, given the problems free citizens face day-to-day. Hence no one has ever shown enough courage to take an initiative.

Maybe with these powerful people, our jails are in for a much needed makeover. As they say, “Every ill has its benefits”. These scams might just be the positive catalyst needed for making our prisons a better place.

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Written by arpitgarg

June 9, 2011 at 9:00 pm

The Day the Earth stood still

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1996 was year that marked my generations tryst with cricket. Kirsten’s 188; Jayasurya’s revelations; Indo/Pak Q/F; the Eden heartbreak. It was a roller coaster ride of emotions. It had all, save the Heroic ending. The script seemed flawed; a job left unfinished.

Post ’98 Sharjah exploits, the team fell apart under the match fixing allegations. We were no longer a force in the world cricket. Two of the most controversial figures of Indian cricketing history the Raja and the Senapati fell and gave way to yet another controversial figure of all times. Though his were the controversies we took pride in.

Eden curse was cured by a Lanky personality who gave us reasons to be proud of. The high moon, the tide, the ebbs, the flows all became but adjectives when the cricketing history was re-written. A giant was born. The journey culminated in Jo ’burg when the mighty batting lineup was but a step away from laying its claim.

Albeit, that was not to be. Undone by a legend from down under, it paved way to of one of the most hate-filled cricketing rivalry. The Sydney fiasco was just waiting to happen. It turned out to be the Pearl Harbor of Indian cricket. We have never looked back since. The zeal, the aggression, the will has never been higher. Post 3 IPL’s, high dose of Indo-SL matches and a resurrection of The God of Cricket, it’s time to cross the final hurdle.

The SF match between Indo-Pak, was the most anticipated and followed match in the history of cricket. Everything was to its maximum. Imagine anti-aircraft guns around the stadium! I travelled from Mumbai to Pune to celebrate the festival with friends. With Holi/Diwali/Ganesh Pooja being celebrated with varying vigor across the country, the festival of cricket is the only one which whole nation celebrates equally.

The scenes I saw in Pune were unparalleled. The roads were jammed post the win. I could see thousands of bikes/cars/tempo/buses parading round the city. Flags/colors/sweets aplenty. The whole city was one. It was the day for no hatred.

On field/off field the camaraderie between the two nations was a sight to behold. The old sins were washed off. The 26/11 seemed a distant memory. One match turned the hostile relations between two nations onto its head, into Aman Ki Fuhaar.

My feet were trembling and emotions flowing unrestrained. It was day when 1/5th of humanity gasped in unison, It was a day when the Earth stood still.

Sachin Tendulkar: Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO

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With Cricket World Cup played in India this time, CBI tried its level best to nab the betting mafia across the country. They raided many places, intercepted a number of calls, rounded up various persons.

In due course of their investigation they tumbled upon a secret. A secret so explosive, it had the potential to rock the very foundations of cricket. CBI sought help of Colin Powel who was able to sniff Biological Weapons of Mass Destructions (WMD’s) in Iraq even before they were made. “He can sniff into the future”, said a source.

Powell’s sniffing powers were used to sniff out the truth which caused sniffing problems to the CBI sniffers. How sniffy!

Colin1 Colin2

I somehow got hold of For Eyes Only report submitted to the CBI by Powell. Being an ardent fan of Wikileaks, I can’t hold but leak it over on you guys. The truth being,

Sachin Tendulkar is not human. He is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine
from DRDO (Defence Research and Development Organisation)

Master Blaster

The Fact Finding Closure Report
on
The secret that caused sniffing problems to the CBI

Object:
Sniff out the truth about Sachin being Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO.

Findings:
When CBI first called me, I was sniffing Hamburgers in my sleep. Turned out I had some extra the night before. Anyways, I have been on the job from day one. My findings are based on observations, proofs and witnesses below.

1. Twin Bat Theory
Sachin uses Not One but Two Bats simultaneously. It is just not possible for a human to use Two Bats. As an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO, only Sachin has such a power. The other bat being invisible we are not able to see it from naked eyes. Hot Spot might be able to intercept it, hence Sachin has opposed UDRS. CBI used military grade technology to get the pictorial evidence. Look closely.

Two Bats1 Two Bats3

Two Bats4 Two Bats2

2. Sachin can inflate/deflate himself
This came as a shock even to CBI. Kudos to DRDO! It’s very tough to infuse inflation/deflation power in a machine. In fact very few super heroes have such a power. He uses the scientific fact that air has weight. He inflates his right arm with air and generates huge power to play master strokes.

InflateAir

3. Multiple Sachin
There are multiple Sachin roaming around. No two consecutive matches are played by same Sachin. This gives time to rectify any wear and tear which leads to consistency. Evidence has been provided by a dysfunctional prototype of the same generation known as Vinod Kambli who was created along with Sachin.

Multiple1 Multiple4 Multiple3

4. Project Sachin was commissioned two years before the first World Cup
Investigators have found out that Project Sachin was started way back in 1973 in a bid to win the inaugural World Cup. Like everything else in India, it got delayed too. On when to retire Sachin, a prominent scientist associated with the project told us on the promise of anonymity, “We can’t stop it. It’s out of our hands. It won’t stop till it fulfills its target of winning the World Cup. It’s designed that way. Don’t you get it?”

Born1 Born2 Born3

5. Sachin is Ambidextrous
Like all other machines, Sachin is ambidextrous. He has tried to keep it hidden from public but we are not the ones to be fooled. He writes with his left hand, Cuts cake with right hand, bats with right hand. A perfect machine!

Ambi5 Ambi2

He can even bowl from one hand and bat from the other simultaneously.

Ambi4 Ambi3

6. Anatomically Speaking
Sachin’s Infra-Red imaging and its subsequent studies have revealed that he is not human; definitely a machine. Look closely at the curves, the joints and the posture; the ligament, the tissue and the liver; the heart, the head and the toe and tell me that he looks Human.

Ana1 Ana3 Ana4

7. Induction in Air Force
Give the shortage of pilots, Sachin has been inducted into the Indian Air Force. They made it to look like an honorary post. It’s far from truth. It is said that Sachin can convert his body into a fighter jet just like Tranformers and IAF will reach invincible levels post his induction.

IAF3 IAF2 IAF1

8. He lives in shell shaped chamber
Sachin lives in a shell shaped chamber. He is not designed to stay in a normal house. He wanted the new house to be built like a shell but has to reject the idea coz media got hold of it. Here is what the house would have looked had it been build. Similar is the shape of the chamber inside his house in which he resides.

House1

9. The record speaks for itself
If all this proof if not enough, just look at his batting records. Don’t tell me you think a human can play for so long and create such records. While we are sure Don Bradman was an alien, Sachin indeed is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO.

Record1 Record2 Record3

10. Testimony Down Under
Ricky Ponting and Greg Chappell have stated on record that Sachin indeed is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO, that they have no doubt whatsoever.

“I tried sniffing, licking and eating Sachin’s bat in order to get some DNA proof, but never found any, thereby confirming that he is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO  and thus have no DNA at all for me to lick”, said Ponting.

Aussie1

Greg Chappell said, “I never wanted Sachin to open the batting and suggested him to retire coz I always had my doubts about him being human. He confessed to me once that he indeed is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO and that he uses Two Bats. He even showed me how. He then injected some serum into my neck and I forgot all about it, until now when everything is coming back to me.

Aussie2 Aussie3

Deduction:
My sniffometer says that Sachin indeed is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO. My recommendation is to invade Iraq.

Deduct Iraq

Sumbitted by:
Colin Powell
One man sniffing machine

Study in US: A new Reality

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I was talking to few of my friends who are pursuing Phd from US or have applied this year. The number of calls has become less with surprising number of rejects coming in. The situation seems grim.

Let me explain a bit. Every year Indian students apply for MS (Masters)/Phd in foreign universities (prominently US). Seats are offered to select students, often with scholarships. In case of IIT students, mostly, entire tuition fees is remitted. They are also paid stipend based on TA (Teaching Assistant) and RA (Research Assistant) work they do.

Due to the recession in recent times, universities have to cope up with reduced federal and private funding. They are no longer able to support large number of scholarship students. Coupled with the new protectionist approach of US, immigrant students feel no longer welcome, the way they were some time back.

Students need to submit a SOP (Statement Of Purpose) letter along with their admission form. They explain their education, expertise, research preference and the need for scholarship. I have seen a number of SOP’s and the end paragraph is full of blatant begs. “Coming from a poor country…I don’t have means to sustain the education fees…I am from an underdeveloped part of the world”, and more such lines.

For those who might consider me a skeptic, I want to stress that its not like a one way street. Universities also get to choose brilliant students who do research work ample times more than the money invested in. There is another side to it too. A bit harsh though.

The funda of scholarships was based on uplifting the poor. India was always perceived as full of talent. “The students don’t have money but they are brilliant, let’s help them and our research will prosper in return.” During last 25 years or so we have seen some path breaking work done by Indians in the US.

Past 5-10 years or so have seen an unparalleled growth in India. A new kind of generation has arrived which takes a new sense of pride in its country. No ruing the administration but striving towards change. This generation is Globally aware. Studying in US or going to London for a holiday is no longer the ultimate dream. The quantum of this generation is less but the impact is huge. This generation has IPL, the multi billion dollar cricket league, it stands up against racism in Australia, it voices against Ganesha on Chappals.

Here comes the catch. We no longer consider ourselves inferior. We have bred an arrogance on the likes of US, UK and Aus. Still we continue with the same set of SOP’s. How long can this work?

Lets see from the point of view of US citizens. They see Mumbai. They see Indians standing up for themselves. It is difficult for their Govt to explain spending money on students from such  a rapidly growing economy. There is also a lesser moral satisfaction to this philanthropic deed. Would be logical if they moved to poorer countries of Africa. Indians are also waking up to this new reality. I have seen a lot of people now applying for MS/Phd procuring bank loans.

Growth is restrained by this logical tool. The more you grow, the lesser is the growth rate, coz the competition is higher at the top, where the charity stops.

India Australia Series: Is the hype real?

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Of Late, India-Australia Cricket has become a huge affair. No stone remains unturned towards a memorable and saleable experience. Same goes for the current Test series. While Players are busy churning out high quality of cricket, Media is busy churning out equally sensational stuff. Let me put down a few from both print and visual media.

Why did Ganguly announce sudden retirement?
The Holy Grail! The news channel famous for its sting ops claimed to have laid its hands on the “real” truth. Whole affair was portrayed as some Watergate scandal waiting to be unearthed. The news went, “Ganguly ki beizzati ki thi tyaari. Dada ko nahin chahiye thi yeh beizzati. Dada ne kiya kinare hone ka faisla”. According to the channel, Kumble had plans to leave out Ganguly from the first test match squad. He wanted to avenge the insult that Ganguly laid on him by not playing him during the 2003 World Cup despite his constant pleads. According to the “well placed” sources it would not be possible for Kumble to keep Ganguly out now.

Kumble and the 2 CD’s
The same channel claimed that Kumble-the captain have played 2 VCD’s to the team. First one contained clippings from the farcical Sydney test, Australia claiming dropped catches and the Monkeygate scandal. The second one relived Kolkata 2001. It got players pumped up. CD may or may not have pumped up the players but this news would for sure have left viewers boiling and hungry for revenge against the Australians.

Oz media slam Ganguly for delaying tactics in ‘farcical draw’
This was a heading from the PTI. I searched online for related articles by the Australian media. I checked Sydney Morning Herald, The Age and others but couldn’t find any such report. What I found was a single article titled “Farcical draw like kissing mother-in-law” by some Andrew McKinlay. PTI claimed as if the entire Oz media was after Ganguly.

Recently, according to a report BCCI advised a sports channel not to advertise this as revenge and hatred filled series. Whatever be the case, sometimes such reporting do help in keeping up the popularity of the sport. I for one enjoyed run-in’s between Zaheer and Haddin, Shane Watson’s antics and Brett Lee’s glare a lot among other things. In fact I might not have enjoyed the match so much but for the media backed controversies.

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