Posts Tagged ‘train’
Pending Amount 10/-
I am travelling to Mumbai in train. Got stuck in traffic and was able to catch the train just in time, that too owing to the magnanimity of Indian Railways; train got late.
Anyways, I somehow caught the train huffing and puffing and soon was fast asleep. TT came, I woke up and got my ticket checked. Went back to sleep. Sometime later, he came back; asked for 10/- pending amount. I thought, what the hell!
I asked him to explain me what he meant by pending amount. Matlab bhada hua kiraya, he explained. I was perplexed. As an avid news follower, I didn’t read about any fare increase. Poor chap himself didn’t knew much. I asked him for a reciept. He told that he is collecting now and will create receipt for everyone in the coach together and will give it. I thought for a second and then gave him 10/- pending amount. I want to sleep some more, hence it wouldn’t matter if he gave
reciept or not.
I also don’t know what this increased fare is all about. I only remember the smugness on face of Finance Minister, Mr. Jaitley when he said, Middle class should take care of themselves. So I took care of myself. Going by such clandestine increase in fares, and no acche din on the anvil, dont worry Mr. FM, come elections, middle class will take care of you and your party too.
PS: As I suspected, No one was given any receipt.
Samosa and Chai
Train journey is synonymous with samosa and chai. The harmonical calls of chai-chai and boasting of garma-garam samosa.
Nothing to kill time and getting totally bored. Let me describe my fellow passengers. Should keep me busy for sometime.
1. Mokey-man: He is sitting next to the door donning a monkey-cap. Wide eyed and dark skinned. Nothing standout. He keeps peeping over the shoulder to gaze at the lady sitting a few seats away. He makes gestures as if he is doing neck exercise. Whatta…playya!
2. Laugh Alone: He has earplugs and laptop is on. Some sitcom probably. He keeps laughing intermittently. Oblivious of his surroundings. Kinda Funny.
3. The Foodie: A middle aged man. With his wife. His wife keeps passing him food like every 10 mins and he seems more than happy to chew down every last bit of it.
4. Bollywood’s own man: Just listen to him. “Dutt sahab ke bete ne naam kamaya. Aur Kapoor sahab ke bacchon ne. Dharam paaji ke bacche okay hain. Ab Sunny ka time gaya. Danny ka ladka toh bekaar lagta hai.” Sajid bhai ke mamu…se lekar Daud bhai tak. All are like his pals the way he speaks. Awesome.
4. The sleeper: This guy has been asleep all through. Not sure if he is on something.
5. The beauty: The lone good looking girl in specs. Everyone keeps looking at her making her a bit uncomfortable. Alas! when will we change.
12 rupaye ki Roti
Good heavens! 140/- for dinner in train. Looking at it from the point of view of when we eat out it’s penny. But looking at it from a public owned organisation, it doesn’t sound nice. Before you start berating me for being a communist, let me explain.
When poverty figures came out. There was a huge uproar. 12/- was the figure that was dicussed endlesslessly. A lot of our esteemed leaders who were part of Govt of the day, supported that figure. They went even further and justified it by saying, “Meal at 12/- is available aplenty in our country”.
No point naming individual leaders but that sounded like a collective voice of the Govt. The point is when on one side you say 12/- is the price per meal in India and on the other you charge people 140/- for a meal on wheels. Where is the disconnect?
When I see the same leaders trying to find the reasons why they lost, I can only laugh. This arrogance was why you lost. Insulting justifications to make point on TV debates, was why you lost. People can bear with hunger, but if someone try to justify that hunger, it’s intolerable. This is why you lost.
Had they been humble enough to admit the failure. Had they sympathized with 12 bucks junta, things might have been different.
The sad part is all those leaders are affluent even in loss. And 12 rupaye ki roti is still soiled in blood.
Thoda adjust karo
Journey back to Mumbai. Just as I boarded the train, first voice in my ear, Bhaisaab adjust kar lo thoda.
I found my seat occupied. Couple of guys sat there relaxed. Mine was the coveted window seat which everyone desire but only few get. Sometimes I wonder how the lack of ample trains in India is a blessing in disguise. The one who gets the seat jumps with joy. If there would be ample trains, this joy would never be.
Anyways, “Bhaisaab can you please sit there”, said the duo pointing to a middle seat. Over the years as I have stopped arguing, I have somehow learned the trick to handle this. With glib and humor.
“Oh! Itni si baat. For you, I am ready to sit on the floor Sir”, I said with a smile. Everyone nearby laughed as I parked myself in my designated seat.
I am a bit tired. It’s nap time now.
Poor man’s fight
Not 5 mins back two people in my coach were having a shouting match. Topic “Whose space was it to put the luggage?” Let me call them passenger A and B.
B came and found luggage space under his seat occupied. He asked around and nobody claimed. The bags were exchanged and B settled down.
10 mins later A entered. His seat was couple of rows away. He flew into rage seeing his luggage on the ground. And the slinging match started. Clearly A was in wrong here but I don’t want to go into it.
Have you observed that chances of such fights are higher in trains than in planes; higher in sleeper coaches than in AC coaches; higher in city bus than in private AC bus; higher in hot places than in cooler climates. In fact they increase with decreasing money in the pocket.
Two relatively poor people are prone to fight over such things more than two relatively rich people.
Guess everything is a fight for survival for us poor strata of people.
Fart by Heart
I am travelling via train to my hometown. Given the upcoming extra long weekend, the trains are bulging with passengers. Just as I settled in my seat and started to take a nap, I woke up with a nauseating smell.
My fellow passenger introduced us to the lunch he took earlier in the day. It was a sickening smell which left us looking for cover in true sense.
My head became heavy and heart beat a notch higher. Just as I tried to acclimatise, the next attack. I lost all my senses and the will to live.
Since all I can think now is fart, I thought to put it to creative use. How does the below things smell now?
1. Flip-fart
2. Fart-tey raho
3. Fart bina chain kaha re
4. Fart-ti utaaroon main
5. My fart will go on…
6. Fart-tiya ilaaz hai bhaisaab.
7. Deepak Chourasia Fart Tak
8. Aisa com-fart aur kahan
9. Fart se maar do isey
10. I like Fartists.
The IPL Team that wasn’t
IPL auctions, held recently grabbed everyone’s attention. With millions of dollars floating around, it turned out to be a landmark event. Not everyone seemed happy though. Some politicians were enraged by the amount of wealth at display. “It’s pathetic”, said one. Its gross” said another. “Why were we left out from earning the moolah. It’s wrong”. “Let’s form a team and enter the IPL. Let’s rename it the Indian Political League”, came one suggestion. “Yes, let’s do it”, they gave a Spartan cry. We will show who the real boss is when it comes to earning monies.
“From next time on Mr. A. Raja will be the auctioneer given his huge experience with 2G auctions”, they passed a resolution. “All those who want to bid for someone at a cheaper cost, pay me 20%, I will bring down the hammer. I am the 1st, 2nd and the third umpire”, Raja promised. Point well taken!
The team was called, “Indian Commoners”, given the “aam aadmi” thing is in vogue. The team is as below.
1. Suresh Kalmadi: The way he accumulates money, he can accumulate lots of runs. His tendency to generate money out of nowhere is seen as his ability to get wickets out of nowhere. He is a genuine all rounder. He can even keep the umpires happy, if you know what I mean. He never hogs the limelight. Always owes it to teamwork.
2. Sharad Pawar: The Maratha pride. He is a bit lethargic in field. Takes time to move; needs a little push sometimes. But with him on the side, the team can make records, given his habit to make records of prices of onion and sugar. He does not care much about win or a loss. Cool as a cucumber. After all he is not a jyotishi.
3. RR Patil: A master planner. Sometimes caught off guard, when the opposite team strikes. To him even a huge loss does not matter. After all such small things happen. He is like a phoenix, rise from the ashes. The only thing that goes against him is his evident dislike for cheer leaders.
4. Mamata Banerjee: Bound to appeal a lot on the ground. Ei No Cholbe, Ei no Cholbe. Will sit on hunger strike if umpire does no give favorable decisions. Batting and Bowling will be on track with her in the team, well almost.
5. Sheila Dixit: Hell of a worker. Can make 200 in just 2 over’s when time comes. Though old age affects her memory a bit and she keeps forgetting things, considered a long innings player. Is well regarded for her mystic youth.
6. B. S. Yeddyurappa: With him, we will have our grounds to practice and play on. Whatever pitch/land/conditions we want to practice on, he will grab it and will make it available for us. Also he will cry when caught, so umpire will not give him out. He likes to keep himself in shape too. He respects the coach a lot.
7. M. K Alagiri (Karunanidhi’s son): He will hardly be present during the match but during the pre and post ceremonies, he will be there to complain that he is never given a chance to perform. Such spirit!
8. Nitin Gadkari: Will sit on the opposition and kill them. He is dealer and so is easy to deal with. Will keep asking for a wicket from the umpire. He will not let the match go on and may do a walkout, till his request is acceded to. His motto is “Eat and let Eat”, and eats up the wickets of the opposite team.
9. Narendra Modi: Tried his hand at umpiring. Took no decision and the two teams came to blows. Want to enter this time round as the player. The team is bound to win, err…only the home matches perhaps.
10. Rahul Gandhi: Likes to play test matches, slow and in whites. So that might be show-stopper. But has a fan following among elite youths (where the money is), so might be able to bring in sponsors. Also is young. Invest in future.
11. Manish Tiwari: His team is the reigning champion and he never misses a chance to be smug about it. He will murder anyone who says anything against his team. Such is his loyalty. Don’t need to know the context. All he knows is defense. He is the Wall. He can take on one, two or even three bowlers at the same time.
12. Jagan Reddy (12th man): He is a good fielder and practices a lot. Be it ‘Odarpu Yatra’. He has a lot of female fan following too. Charming! The flip side is that he will not play unless made the Captain. He will make a new team from the breakaway players if he is refused the Captain cap.
13. Sourav Ganguly: Pissed at his exclusion in the IPL, he gave his name for Indian Commoners. Unsold here too. Left has told they will find a role for him and no team in India is possible without him.
