ArpitGarg's Weblog

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Posts Tagged ‘pradesh

Walking Genius

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There are times in life when we end up making fool of ourselves. One such incident happened to me lately. Made an a** of myself. I realized I am not alone. People like me walk among us. I would like to pay my respects to some such pals of mine.

PSO Padam Singh
Personal Security Officer of UP CM Mayawati, Padam Singh, bent down and wiped her dusty shoes. “I just noticed the dust on her shoes. I follow Clean India Green India campaign and wiped of the dust. What wrong have I done?”

Padam Singh

Muammar Gaddafi
“They love me. All my people are with me. They love me all. They would die to protect me”, Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi gloated, laughing off international pressure to step down. When questioned as to how can he laugh it of, while he is slaughtering his own people, Gaddafi said, “I am just a happy person. I laugh all the time. More so since I started watching FRIENDS. Long live America!”.

Gaddafi

S M Krishna
External Affairs Minister SM Krishna accidentally read out the Portuguese Foreign Minister’s speech at the UN.
“There was nothing wrong in it, I was just trying to learn some Portuguese”, clarified Krishna. A headline read, “Dear Krishna, all is forgiven. Don’t catch the wrong flight.”

Krishna

Ratnakar Shetty
When asked whether it was unfair that only 4000 tickets would be sold to public for a game as important as the World Cup final, Shetty said the members of the clubs are also part of the “public” and so he disagrees that public is not getting any tickets.

Speechless! Well species like these are found in trio’s, lest they hurt themselves.

Shetty

Haroon Lorgat
Some miscreants stoned WI team bus after Bangladesh’s shameful defeat. ICC CEO Haroon Lorgat played down the incident, calling it ‘minor’, pointing out that few individuals had thrown pebbles at the bus. This left WI team manager furious.

Bangladesh’s Cricket Board left the world further puzzled when it added that people mistook WI team bus to be Bangladesh team bus. They walk among us!

Haroon

Hillary Clinton/Obama
US President Barack Obama pressurized Pakistan to treat Raymond Davis, who allegedly shot dead two men in Lahore, as a diplomat and release him. US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton reportedly “forced” Pakistan to confirm the diplomatic immunity for Davis while threatening to withdraw the $1.5 billion aid.

“Life of a US citizen with per capita $48000 is way more than that of two Pakistanis with per capita $1000. It’s pure statistics”, asserted Hilary while greeting Davis back home.

Obama

Manoj Tiwari BB
Fuming over his eviction from the ‘Bigg Boss’ house, Bhojpuri star Manoj Tiwari hit back at Salman Khan and his brother Arbaaz Khan for ‘scripting’ his eviction from the controversial reality show as a part of larger ‘conspiracy’ against Bhojpuri actors

Manoj Tiwari Fan Club president Manish Kumar, along with a bunch of followers protested against Tiwari’s eviction, claiming that ‘Bigg Boss’ ‘insulted’ the 26-crore Bhojpuri community.

Tiwari

Your’s Truly
Incident With-hold

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The Sex called Fairer

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Have you ever wondered why females are called the fairer sex? What is the origin and meaning of the word fairer here? I have always wondered but given the attraction towards women, I never had any problem in calling them fairer. Never had inkling to doubt it for a second, lest I should earn their wrath. Well that’s fine for me given that I once surrendered the whole of Arunachal Pradesh to a Chinese girl. But I know you sons of the soil would not sit still, till you have un-earthed the reason. So here’s it for you.

There are numerous explanations floating around, given that the phrase is quite old and with time people tend to make their own theories.

First Men found women more attractive as compared to other men. They were more pleasant to look at. Fairer here was used as a tool for flattery. The croaking of the frogs! Simply put, women are prettier than men. I agree.

Second Wealthy European women used to remain indoors, avoid sun and thus remained pale. Their skin color was of a light hue and not dark. The fair color, over the working females, showed their wealth and prosperity.

Third It is a sexist term. With the division of sexes between male and female, various properties came to be associated with each. When men were considered “the better” and “the sterner” sex; women were “the fairer”, “the gentler” and “the softener” sex. Thus fairer differentiated women from hard-working, rugged, tough, dirty, hairy men.

Given this explanation it’s rather surprising how the sexist words of the old have found respectable places into our modern and rather tolerant society. There’s a contention here too. According to a research, women were far more involved in the atrocities committed during the Holocaust than previously thought. A doubt has been raised about them being really fair.

Fourth There’s an interesting anthropological angle to this. Girls are fairer haired after puberty than boys, hence the usage. Though I am not too sure about it personally.

Fifth Girls are better than men in taking ethical decisions given that they are “fairer” in their choices. Well, I will let the readers decide on this one!

The IPL Team that wasn’t

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IPL auctions, held recently grabbed everyone’s attention. With millions of dollars floating around, it turned out to be a landmark event. Not everyone seemed happy though. Some politicians were enraged by the amount of wealth at display. “It’s pathetic”, said one. Its gross” said another.  “Why were we left out from earning the moolah. It’s wrong”. “Let’s form a team and enter the IPL. Let’s rename it the Indian Political League”, came one suggestion. “Yes, let’s do it”, they gave a Spartan cry. We will show who the real boss is when it comes to earning monies.

“From next time on Mr. A. Raja will be the auctioneer given his huge experience with 2G auctions”, they passed a resolution. “All those who want to bid for someone at a cheaper cost, pay me 20%, I will bring down the hammer. I am the 1st, 2nd and the third umpire”, Raja promised. Point well taken!

The team was called, “Indian Commoners”, given the “aam aadmi” thing is in vogue. The team is as below.

1. Suresh Kalmadi: The way he accumulates money, he can accumulate lots of runs. His tendency to generate money out of nowhere is seen as his ability to get wickets out of nowhere. He is a genuine all rounder. He can even keep the umpires happy, if you know what I mean. He never hogs the limelight. Always owes it to teamwork.

Kalmadi 1 Kalmadi 2

Kalmadi 3 Kalmadi 4

2. Sharad Pawar: The Maratha pride. He is a bit lethargic in field. Takes time to move; needs a little push sometimes. But with him on the side, the team can make records, given his habit to make records of prices of onion and sugar. He does not care much about win or a loss. Cool as a cucumber. After all he is not a jyotishi.

Pawar 1 Pawar 2

Pawar 3 Pawar 4

3. RR Patil: A master planner. Sometimes caught off guard, when the opposite team strikes. To him even a huge loss does not matter. After all such small things happen. He is like a phoenix, rise from the ashes. The only thing that goes against him is his evident dislike for cheer leaders.

Patil 1 Patil 2

Patil 5 Patil 3 Patil 4

4. Mamata Banerjee: Bound to appeal a lot on the ground. Ei No Cholbe, Ei no Cholbe. Will sit on hunger strike if umpire does no give favorable decisions. Batting and Bowling will be on track with her in the team, well almost.

Mamta 1 Mamta 2

Mamta 4 Mamta 3

5. Sheila Dixit: Hell of a worker. Can make 200 in just 2 over’s when time comes. Though old age affects her memory a bit and she keeps forgetting things, considered a long innings player. Is well regarded for her mystic youth.

Sheila 1 Sheila 2 Sheila 3

6. B. S. Yeddyurappa: With him, we will have our grounds to practice and play on. Whatever pitch/land/conditions we want to practice on, he will grab it and will make it available for us. Also he will cry when caught, so umpire will not give him out. He likes to keep himself in shape too. He respects the coach a lot.

Yed 1 Yed 2

Yed 3 Yed 4

7. M. K Alagiri (Karunanidhi’s son): He will hardly be present during the match but during the pre and post ceremonies, he will be there to complain that he is never given a chance to perform. Such spirit!

Ala 1 Ala 2 Ala 3

8. Nitin Gadkari: Will sit on the opposition and kill them. He is dealer and so is easy to deal with. Will keep asking for a wicket from the umpire. He will not let the match go on and may do a walkout, till his request is acceded to. His motto is “Eat and let Eat”, and eats up the wickets of the opposite team.

Gad 1 Gad 2

Gad 3 Gad 4

9. Narendra Modi: Tried his hand at umpiring. Took no decision and the two teams came to blows. Want to enter this time round as the player. The team is bound to win, err…only the home matches perhaps.

Modi 1 Modi 2

Modi 3 Modi 4

10. Rahul Gandhi: Likes to play test matches, slow and in whites. So that might be show-stopper. But has a fan following among elite youths (where the money is), so might be able to bring in sponsors. Also is young. Invest in future.

Rahul 1 Rahul 2

Rahul 3 Rahul 4

11. Manish Tiwari: His team is the reigning champion and he never misses a chance to be smug about it. He will murder anyone who says anything against his team. Such is his loyalty. Don’t need to know the context. All he knows is defense. He is the Wall. He can take on one, two or even three bowlers at the same time.

Manish 1 Manish 2

Manish 3 Manish 4

12. Jagan Reddy (12th man): He is a good fielder and practices a lot. Be it ‘Odarpu Yatra’. He has a lot of female fan following too. Charming! The flip side is that he will not play unless made the Captain. He will make a new team from the breakaway players if he is refused the Captain cap.

Jagan 1 Jagan 2 Jagan 3

13. Sourav Ganguly: Pissed at his exclusion in the IPL, he gave his name for Indian Commoners. Unsold here too. Left has told they will find a role for him and no team in India is possible without him.

Sourav 1 Sourav 2 Sourav 3

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