ArpitGarg's Weblog

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Posts Tagged ‘ministry

The IPL Team that wasn’t

with 5 comments

IPL auctions, held recently grabbed everyone’s attention. With millions of dollars floating around, it turned out to be a landmark event. Not everyone seemed happy though. Some politicians were enraged by the amount of wealth at display. “It’s pathetic”, said one. Its gross” said another.  “Why were we left out from earning the moolah. It’s wrong”. “Let’s form a team and enter the IPL. Let’s rename it the Indian Political League”, came one suggestion. “Yes, let’s do it”, they gave a Spartan cry. We will show who the real boss is when it comes to earning monies.

“From next time on Mr. A. Raja will be the auctioneer given his huge experience with 2G auctions”, they passed a resolution. “All those who want to bid for someone at a cheaper cost, pay me 20%, I will bring down the hammer. I am the 1st, 2nd and the third umpire”, Raja promised. Point well taken!

The team was called, “Indian Commoners”, given the “aam aadmi” thing is in vogue. The team is as below.

1. Suresh Kalmadi: The way he accumulates money, he can accumulate lots of runs. His tendency to generate money out of nowhere is seen as his ability to get wickets out of nowhere. He is a genuine all rounder. He can even keep the umpires happy, if you know what I mean. He never hogs the limelight. Always owes it to teamwork.

Kalmadi 1 Kalmadi 2

Kalmadi 3 Kalmadi 4

2. Sharad Pawar: The Maratha pride. He is a bit lethargic in field. Takes time to move; needs a little push sometimes. But with him on the side, the team can make records, given his habit to make records of prices of onion and sugar. He does not care much about win or a loss. Cool as a cucumber. After all he is not a jyotishi.

Pawar 1 Pawar 2

Pawar 3 Pawar 4

3. RR Patil: A master planner. Sometimes caught off guard, when the opposite team strikes. To him even a huge loss does not matter. After all such small things happen. He is like a phoenix, rise from the ashes. The only thing that goes against him is his evident dislike for cheer leaders.

Patil 1 Patil 2

Patil 5 Patil 3 Patil 4

4. Mamata Banerjee: Bound to appeal a lot on the ground. Ei No Cholbe, Ei no Cholbe. Will sit on hunger strike if umpire does no give favorable decisions. Batting and Bowling will be on track with her in the team, well almost.

Mamta 1 Mamta 2

Mamta 4 Mamta 3

5. Sheila Dixit: Hell of a worker. Can make 200 in just 2 over’s when time comes. Though old age affects her memory a bit and she keeps forgetting things, considered a long innings player. Is well regarded for her mystic youth.

Sheila 1 Sheila 2 Sheila 3

6. B. S. Yeddyurappa: With him, we will have our grounds to practice and play on. Whatever pitch/land/conditions we want to practice on, he will grab it and will make it available for us. Also he will cry when caught, so umpire will not give him out. He likes to keep himself in shape too. He respects the coach a lot.

Yed 1 Yed 2

Yed 3 Yed 4

7. M. K Alagiri (Karunanidhi’s son): He will hardly be present during the match but during the pre and post ceremonies, he will be there to complain that he is never given a chance to perform. Such spirit!

Ala 1 Ala 2 Ala 3

8. Nitin Gadkari: Will sit on the opposition and kill them. He is dealer and so is easy to deal with. Will keep asking for a wicket from the umpire. He will not let the match go on and may do a walkout, till his request is acceded to. His motto is “Eat and let Eat”, and eats up the wickets of the opposite team.

Gad 1 Gad 2

Gad 3 Gad 4

9. Narendra Modi: Tried his hand at umpiring. Took no decision and the two teams came to blows. Want to enter this time round as the player. The team is bound to win, err…only the home matches perhaps.

Modi 1 Modi 2

Modi 3 Modi 4

10. Rahul Gandhi: Likes to play test matches, slow and in whites. So that might be show-stopper. But has a fan following among elite youths (where the money is), so might be able to bring in sponsors. Also is young. Invest in future.

Rahul 1 Rahul 2

Rahul 3 Rahul 4

11. Manish Tiwari: His team is the reigning champion and he never misses a chance to be smug about it. He will murder anyone who says anything against his team. Such is his loyalty. Don’t need to know the context. All he knows is defense. He is the Wall. He can take on one, two or even three bowlers at the same time.

Manish 1 Manish 2

Manish 3 Manish 4

12. Jagan Reddy (12th man): He is a good fielder and practices a lot. Be it ‘Odarpu Yatra’. He has a lot of female fan following too. Charming! The flip side is that he will not play unless made the Captain. He will make a new team from the breakaway players if he is refused the Captain cap.

Jagan 1 Jagan 2 Jagan 3

13. Sourav Ganguly: Pissed at his exclusion in the IPL, he gave his name for Indian Commoners. Unsold here too. Left has told they will find a role for him and no team in India is possible without him.

Sourav 1 Sourav 2 Sourav 3

Racism: Reverse and Progressive

with 2 comments

A lot has kept us busy as a nation last couple of weeks. CWG, Mohali win and most recently some serious allegations of racism against a few officials from down under.

If I am right, Ministry of External Affairs, India summoned High Commissioners of respective countries and lodged protests. Last I heard the said individuals either resigned or were ousted and rightly so. Such behavior has no place in civilized societies.

Okay, tell me one thing. Has racism sprung up all of a sudden during recent times? The answer would be a no. Racism is a perception which a society or a race developes about contemporary society or race overtime. It’s just that with the advent of Globalization, these days we get to know of it real time. Earlier Lord Ganesha on Chappals was mere fashion for a society that doesn’t know anything about him, Today it is offensive.

Tell me frankly, how many of us think Bhajji did indeed utter “Maa Ki” and not the racist slur. Why then were we as a nation hell bent on seeing Bhajji free of the allegations? Now come ‘on, it had nothing to do with lack of evidence or anything thereof. If such had been the case then all our politicians were saints.

To be frank it’s about who is leveling the allegations. Had the opposite team been Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, West Indies or for that matter South Africa, we as a nation might not have backed our player to that extent. Why? Coz we have seen long periods of unabashed Aussie sledging as a reminder of the days of the Raj perhaps.

When a society which has perception of being shamelessly racist, throws up allegations of such sort, it seems rubbing salt in the wound. You gotta handle what you dish out. Right?

But what worries me more is a developing phenomenon, Reverse Racism. In our part of world racism is generally related to prejudice that developed white nations have against us about them being superior. The aspect of racism under which emerging societies like us berate, taunt or create a certain perception about developed nations is what I call Reverse Racism.

When white girls are considered nothing but free meat. Whole society is said to lack values. If it’s not racism, what is it? I was shocked to see in a recent episode of Bigg Boss, a dozen white models in skimpy dresses made to dance with the ousted contestant. Just as his inaam. When the whole crowd enjoys it, it’s not just racism, it’s sadness.

Equally frightening is Progressive Racism. Progressive racism is when slightly more developed race is prejudiced against slightly lesser developed race.

When an African student in Delhi University is called Kaalu. A person from the same region is called Habshi on national TV. When CWG teams from African countries are given step motherly treatment. On daily basis do we see jokes being made on color of skin on TV. “Abey door hat, tu rang chodta hai”. Sab log fair and lovely lagate hain, yeh cherry blossom lagata hai. Abe langoor ke bhai.

I am not trying to be apologetic here, I hate that frankly. But if such progressive and reverse racism continues in our society, we too would lose our moral right to complain. We would just be another hypocrite in the bunch. Do we really want that? It’s bit scary to answer, isn’t it?

Laluisms and Indian Railways

with one comment

Lalu Prasad Yadav’s railway budgets used to be special. He started a trend of sorts with rhymes in his speech. It takes an orator in command for the words to take effect. Not everyone would have had the same effect. The rhymes themselves were not a random phenomenon. They reflected the state of affairs of Railways. The Mood. I try to put together few such rhymes in accordance with the changing Railways each year. Could be easily divided into three phases.

1. Phase I: The Beginning
When Lalu got hold of ministry, it was in shambles and Lauisms in the initial budgets reflected that.

There was hope of building a new future. Hard labor was needed to fulfill the dream.
                “मैंने देखे हैं सारे ख्वाब नए,
                  लिख रहा हूँ मैं इंक़लाब नए”
                “मेरे जुनूं का नतीजा ज़रूर निकलेगा,
                  इसी सियाह समंदर से नूर निकलेगा”

There was a tough path ahead. Help of every individual was needed to overcome the hurdles.
                “जीवन के हर पथ पर माली पुष्प नहीं बिखराता है,
                  प्रगति का पथ अक्सर पथरीला ही होता है”
                “एक कदम  हम  बढे, एक कदम तुम,
                  आओ  मिलकर नाप दे, फासले चाँद तक”

Overall it laid expectations from the future.

2. Phase II: The Delivery
During his later budgets he stood on solid performance and growth. Hope gave way to conviction.

We have come so far by a collective effort. We have redefined success.
                “नवाजिश है सबकी, कर्म है सभी का,
                  बड़े  फ़ख्र से हम बुलंदी पर आये|
                  तरक्की के सारे मयारों  से आगे,
                  नए ढंग लाये, नयी सोच लाये”

Charges were not increased amidst the inflation. We came good on our promises. Wait for more.
                “दौर-ऐ-महंगाई में भी रेल सस्ती रखी,
                  पर कमाई में कोई कमी न रखी”
                “जितना अब तक देख चुके हो, ये तो बस शुरुआत है,
                  खेल तमाशा आगे देखो, दरियादिल सौदागर का”

Overall mood migrated from hope to conviction of delivery.

3. Phase III: The Continuance
His last budgets were more of a commentary of his achievements. Election budget!

                “गोल पर गोल दाग रहे हैं, हम हर मैच में,
                  देश का बच्चा बच्चा बोले, चक दे रेलवे”

He summed up his achievements. What had been done in his tenure will help reap benefits in the long term. We have just planted a tree. Everyone will grow with it. Commitment to duty.
                “सब कह रहे हैं हमने गज़ब काम किया है,
                  करोड़ों का मुनाफा हर एक शाम दिया है,
                  फल सालों यह अब देगा, पौधा जो लगाया है,
                  सेवा का, समर्पण का, हर फ़र्ज़ निभाया है”

Overall mood was of letting people know of what was delivered. Of coming good on the promises. One more chance, perhaps!

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