Archive for the ‘General/Society’ Category
IPL: Who said what, The truth
PC: Our Government is too afraid to give go ahead to IPL. Internal security, well it’s a thing of the past. Terrorist attack during IPL can cost us elections. I have been playing this cat and mouse to irritate the organizers. But these guys are too good for that and have been coming up with one schedule after another. Like I care.
Jaitley: Had we been at the Centre, we too would have done the same. But why let this opportunity to nail Congress go away.
Shashank Manohar: We have long been the pawn between the Centre and the State. We know that Govt won’t give the permission. We don’t want to waste any more time. We have a task in hand to make money. Let us concentrate on that.
Lalit Modi: I haven’t slept for over a month now. My hair look scary. My eyes look scary. My only wish was to be the strongest man in Cricket. That I am. Now to sustain that I want IPL to happen. I just wish it happens in India coz here the costs are low and I can make more money.
Security Forces: We don’t have modern equipments. We don’t have necessary man power. We don’t have guns. We don’t have ammunition. We haven’t received any credible intelligence report for long. We know we would be blamed if anything happens. Yet we are ready to give it our best. Last time when we went to save Taj, we were surprised the Durbaan didn’t stop us at the gate. I remember once going there with my family. The Durbaan didn’t let us in, sensing that we don’t have enough money. When would we be paid well, to be able to dine at Taj not die at Taj.
CPI-CPM: Blame govt, blame BJP, blame media, blame USA, blame pakistan, blame blame blame…blam blam blam…bla bla bla.
Rahul Gandhi: IPL should happen in India. It is a matter of national prestige.
Sonia Gandhi: Hush…hush. When will this child grow up. I am just fed up of him.
Manmohan Singh: I am coming straight from the operation theatre. I haven’t asked Soniyaji what to speak. Soniaji, Soniaji. Where is Soniaji?
Narendra Modi: Make me PM if you want IPL in India. If there would be no Indian Premier League (IPL), I promise you we won’t let Pakistan Premier League (PPL) to take place ever. I have decided to launch my own IPL team, Rama: The Saviours.
Pakistan: Welcome to the family. After such a long time, we stand united.
Common Man: Wow what a month. News channels kept me entertained.
Deja vu: Life a universal struggle
An American resident and an Indian taxi-driver in US.
American: Where are you from?
Indian: India.
American: Oh! India, I have heard a lot about it.
Indian: Really, what?
American: It has a great cultural heritage and history.
Indian: Yes, true.
American: I have also heard there is rampant poverty there.
Indian: Well, it’s not exactly so.
American: You are saying there is no poverty?
Indian: It’s not what I said. The things have improved.
American: Why were you forced to move out of your country to work here?
Indian: I was not forced. There are greater opportunities here.
American: You lack opportunities in your country?
Indian: A lot new opportunities have come up now.
American: What is the reason for poor state of affairs in India?
Indian: Oh it’s all because of corrupt politicians.
American: Why do you guys vote for such leaders?
Indian: People are illiterate and are duped on the basis of caste and religion.
American: It sounds too bad.
Indian: Not so, as I said the things have improved a lot.
American: Tell me.
Indian: Our economy is improving day by day. We have multi-stories, malls, discos and per capita has improved a lot.
American: I heard that you guys have very high crime rate and officials too corrupt.
Indian: No it’s not so. As I said, its improving as country is developing.
American: You guys work for cheap here, don’t you think you are exploited?
Indian: I save enough to send back home. It is enough for my family there.
American: Don’t you miss your family?
Indian: I miss them dearly.
American: Why don’t you bring them here then?
Indian: I won’t be able to afford it. I go and meet them once a year.
American: It all made me sad but I really like your spirit. Bye
Indian: Good Bye Sir.
Just change American by someone from say Mumbai/Delhi and Indian by someone say from UP/Bihar and the question/answers remains the same. Is struggle the essence of life? I fail to find an answer. All I can do is vow to work harder than ever to erase the need for such questions, the need for such answers and the existence of such differences.
चुनावी दंगल
आया है फिर से महाकुम्भ
चिंघाड़ उठी, लो भरा दंभ
सारे मिलकर जिसे खेले हैं
इसे चुनाव प्रक्रिया बोले हैं|
चुनाव आयोग है इसका अंपायर
फुस्स है एकदम, जैसे फटा टायर
घुड़की देने में उस्तादी है
पर गरजने वाले बरसे हैं कभी|
कई दल इस दंगल में खेले हैं
सब इसी दल-दल के मैले हैं
सब बजाते अपनी शहनाई हैं
पांच साल बाद आम आदमी की रौनक छायी है|
पैसे, कपडे, साईकल, टीवी
सब बटते हैं इस हुज्जुम में
एक-एक वोट पे न्योछावर
सौ- सौ के नोट की गड्डी है|
सभी प्रकार के अपराधी
अभी जेल से छूटे हैं
सब वोट मांगने निकले हैं
पर जो खुद ही है कंगाल
वो वोट के सिवा देगा भी क्या|
चोर-उच्चके, खूनी-कातिल
बस इनकी ही सुनवाई है
यह बन जो गए अपने नेता
बस राम तेरी ही दुहाई है|
एक तरफ है कठपुतली
एक तरफ खड़ा बुजुर्ग सिपाही है
दोनों में से किसको चुनू
यह असमंजस होता तो अच्छा था
पर हाय रे में तो सोचूँ हूँ
इसको भी नहीं, उसको भी नहीं|
इसी बात की आस है बस
कि कुछ ऐसा हो, जो सच्चा हो
और पांच साल के बाद नहीं
आम आदमी का हर दिन अच्छा हो|
IPL: Behind the Doors
Due to the rising security concern, Indian government decided not to hold IPL in India. BCCI decided to take IPL abroad. The franchise owners became apprehensive of this move and decided to pull out. According to them IPL outside India was not a profitable venture. Franchise owners Shahrukh, Preity, Mallya, Nita, Shilpa met Lalit Modi to get back the money they had already invested in IPL.
SRK: Let me speak first since I am number 1. I feel cheated, now that IPL is not taking place in India. You have fooled us all, Modi. Give me back my goddam money. And it should all be in 1 rupee coins, coz I am number 1.
Shilpa: Yes and I should be the one to get it first. I have no work. I am ageing and everybody wants me to shut up and bounce. I am fed up of all this. Even my boyfriend has this accent that everyone teases me about.
Preity: Oh! you greedy lady. I should get back the money first. Even I have no work. At least you have a boyfriend who bought the team for you. I am not even sure if I have a boyfriend anymore. I tried hitting on Yuvi but his father won’t let me anywhere near him.
Mallya: What about me, I lost in F1, I bought Gandhi belongings. I am broke. I even lost my pride having been thrashed in IPL1. I should get the money first. My yacht needs repair. Situation is so bad that I can’t even afford a drink.
Nita: Hey what about us? You know we purchased this new dining table for our new 10000 crore home and would you believe, 2 diamonds went missing. The dealer said that dining table had exactly 78 embedded diamonds when he dispatched it. Mukesh counted twice and found only 76. We should get the money first. We are in a bad shape.
Modi: Welcome you all, I haven’t slept for 20 days, haven’t eaten for 12 days, haven’t bathed for 10 days. I have become a football between State and Centre, Centre and State. I have made enough time tables to qualify as the principal of any college. Deal with Sony broke off. Govt withdrew permission to hold matches. Wife needs new jewellery. Kids want to holiday abroad. I have enough problems of my own. And you Guys come here asking for money. Paisa Paisa Paisa. Kya bas paisa hi sab kuch hai? Insaaniyat kuch nahin, pyaar kuch nahin, zameer kuch nahin… (he went on rambling for next 15 minutes)
SRK: I think he has gone mad.
Shilpa: What about my money? You shouldn’t have been so greedy Preity. It’s all because of you that he has gone mad.
Preity: So now it’s me? Why don’t you just shut up and bounce. What about Nita? Her diamonds have to go missing now only?
Nita: Mukesh is always the one with progressive thinking. We always look forward in life. What is past is past. I don’t want to talk about Anil and the spat. Its not to be discussed in public. Mukesh is always…
Mallya: She forgot again when to say what. I have asked Muskesh a lot of times not to send his wife where money is involved. Or at least ask her not to mix the lines. She think she is on TV.
SRK: Hush…hush, looks like Modi is coming back to senses. So when are we getting back our money, Mr Modi? I never wanted my captain. My captain never wanted my wicketkeeper. My wicketkeeper got injured. I myself am injured. Give me back my money.
Modi: Paisa Paisa Paisa. Kya bas paisa hi sab kuch hai, insaaniyat kuch nahin, pyaar kuch nahin, zameer kuch nahin… (he went on rambling for another 15 minutes)
Everybody: Seems like he is making a fool of us. He won’t give our money easily.
SRK: Let me show him my six pack. Isko iska rab yaad aa jaayega.
Shilpa: I will not shut up any more. Don’t let me call Raj to make you bounce Modi.
Preity: I have not forgotten the slap on my player SreeSanth. Don’t make me revenge it on you.
Mallya (took a drink): F1 asked me to leave Force India, India asked me to leave IPL, now you are asking me to leave the money. Hic! I object. Give me my money. Hic! I object.
Nita: If you don’t give me back my money, Anil will become richer than us. If he gets richer toh do baatein ho sakti hain. And since I don’t remember any of the two, give me back my money so that Anil doesn’t get richer than us.
Modi: I am fed up of you guys. I love the money. I will not give it back. I think I’ll run away to South Africa.
Everybody: Let’s follow him till we get our money back.
And they all left for South Africa.
Disclaimer: This is an art of fiction. Nothing written here should be taken seriously. It has no relation to anyone living or dead.
That movie is bad. Why? The reviewer said so.
A: Which movie did you watch this weekend?
B: Singh is King.
A: Why did you watch such a bad movie?
B: Who told you it was bad? I found it entertaining.
A: Come on. It’s a silly movie. Waste of time and money.
B: And how you know all this. Have you seen this movie?
A: Oh no, I haven’t, but I read the review. The movie is going down.
B: How many reviews have you read?
A: I read a couple of reviews. They say the movie sucks.
B: So you only go see the movie if these 2-3 people like it.
A: Uh huh! These are not just people. These are the reviewers.
B: I was in the theatre. People were laughing all over.
A: Hey, you are just one of the people who like the silly movies which critics pan.
B: Do you know how much money the movie made?
A: Oh it would have been a flop.
B: My friend it was a super hit.
A: There are lot of stupid people like you who like such stupid Masala movies.
B: Tell me one thing. Since the movie was a hit, means a lot of people would have liked it, right?
A: Uh huh, most of the common people are stupid.
B: And the reviewer who has panned the movie is not stupid?
A: Not at all. He doesn’t like masala movies at all. He gives good reviews to off beat movies.
B: So you enjoy the off beat movies.
A: Uh huh, I don’t enjoy them if you be so specific. But they are good movies.
B: And what is a good movie for you, the ones that the reviewer says is good?
A: Oh no, its not so. You make it sound bad.
B: Ok, tell me what do we look for in the movie when we go watch?
A: It must be entertaining, for one.
B: Okay aren’t the so called masala movies entertaining?
A: Oh okay, if you put it that way.
B: So your reviewer gives bad review to the movie which is entertaining?
A: Not exactly. He let me know the good cinema from bad cinema.
B: But he panned the movie which everyone liked. You missed it just coz your reviewer said so.
A: Oh no, the movie would have been bad.
B: Let me put is this way. Your reviewer said movie is bad but most people enjoyed it, right?
A: Okay, yes. But people are stupid.
B: So these reviews are not for the common stupid people, right?
A: Uh huh, yes. Good cinema is understood only by people who know art and cinema.
B: So your reviewer writes for people who knows cinema?
A: Perhaps yes.
B: So common stupid people like me should not read such reviews when I go see the movie?
A: Oh, yes there would be no use. You are stupid.
B: And your reviewer is not?
A: Exactly!
B: But he is useless to most of the movie going junta?
A: Most of the junta is stupid.
B: And your reviewer is not.
A: Exactly!
Slumdog: An air of million criticism
A lot has been written and discussed about Slumdog Millionaire. Much like the Obama wave it seems engulfing us all.
From the day it was nominated for the Golden Globe there have been extreme views. So much so that a war seems waged between the for and the against. The criticism more or less seems to follow two schools of thought discussed below.
First one rues the exploitation of poor India for money by the west. More like the East India Company reloaded. Westerners have been accused to revel at the mockery of Indian poverty. As Arindam Chaudhary writes, “Slumdog is a phony poseur that has been made only to mock India for the viewing pleasure of the First World”. The naked poverty of India might be self pleasing to the people of the West, given the time of depression. According to Amitabh Bacchan such underbellies do exist even in the developed nations. This is just a Western production and hence the recognition. These people have launched an offense against the team of the movie, western media and finally the whole of the western world.
The other school of thought is pretty much the same as far as the murky portrayal of Mumbai is concerned. The difference lies in how they are affected. People are worried about the answers they would need to give and ridicule they would be subjected to when they travel abroad the next time. As Preity Zinta says, “Now for the next 10 years of my life every time I travel abroad, I will be told, Oh, you live in Mumbai…where they gouge out eyes in the slums.”
One point missing here is, Does anybody care about the poverty and feel for the slum dwellers? Or it’s just the poverty in limelight which is itching the eyes. At first the movie was applauded. Then the criticism followed. Then there was criticism of the people criticizing the movie. “Isn’t that (poverty and slums) a reality”, says Shahrukh Khan. It would not be long when there would be people who would criticize the people criticizing who criticized the movie. Now, how much of criticism would that be!
Confusingly Chaotic
During the college farewell, a batch mate of mine asked, “So, where do you see yourself, 10 years from now?” I did what I do best, excuse myself with the sheepish smile. I never had to answer myself this question before. I mean I did schooling coz everybody do. There was no vision or so called planning that went into it. I went for JEE coz that’s what was “the hottest” at the given time. I opted for Computers for no other reason.
I remember a discussion with friends over dinner, “Why they opted for the particular engineering stream?” For most of them the criteria was Rank. I mean come ‘on, if 80 out of top 100 rankers (and more) are opting for Computer Science, that doesn’t mean all of them have such deep interest in it that they would have perished without it Or that the ones who didn’t get it were never interested in it. So let’s get one thing into perspective. What your interests are doesn’t matter during the cut throat competition in a developing world.
I took the job hoping to rise up the ladder along the normal path. As it was about to happen, the elastic snapped. The economic bubble burst and the condition of uncertainty in jobs might have led to the current thought process. Did I really want to be a software developer when I grew up? Was that my dream? If no then am I doing what I never wanted to, 5 days a week 9 hours a day, just to enjoy the weekends of my life. Has my life contracted to mere weekends?
This takes me back to the concept of civilized living. When was the concept of “work” proposed? Who proposed it? Why we followed it? We live on a spherical ball, don’t know where are we coming from, don’t know what’s inside the sphere, what’s outside the view. Just going on working through the week to enjoy the weekends. Working through our youth to enjoy the old age. Something doesn’t seem right. The concept seems flawed. It’s too mechanic, too un-human.
Maybe it’s this mechanics in our life that lead us to a peaceful timely death. Or the chaos would have had us much before.
Why fear when Obama is here
Obama! Obama! Obama! This man has been all over for a good two years now. Be it television, news papers or just the talk round the corner. It seems as if no one has anything better to do. Obama keeps a Hanuman with him, Obama lived in Pakistan, Obama has a brother in Africa. Obama this, Obama that. I am simply fed up.
Our national news channels have portrayed Obama as the savior of mankind. As if he is not just the President of United States but of the entire world. Everyone loves Obama talk, his vision, his speech and his charisma. Obama is being seen as once and for all solution to the problems of one and all. So much so that a kid in my locality is quite sure of getting good marks in exams this year now that Obama is the President of US. My colleagues at office, who till now were weary of the financial depression, are looking up. Its like, “Why fear when Obama is here”.
A news channel went as far as comparing Dhoni with Obama. Apparently they both share a desire to win, flamboyancy and a never say die attitude. It went further to comment that both Dhoni and Obama looked similar when in white clothes. It looks as if everyone is enjoying his own bit of Obama. There was a discussion that the “New Leader”, predicted by Nostradamus, has arrived in the name of Obama. I have had it from this Nostradamus guy. Every year the book fattens. Can somebody please decipher what he predicted earlier than when it actually happens?
I sincerely hope, now that he has become the President, he would be busier in running the nation and we would be spared, him all the time on television. I read his book, “The Audacity of Hope”. Regardless of my being fed up with his face, I really liked the guy. I mean it really require some guts to joke about the rhyming of one’s name with Osama. He himself writes that people considered his political career all but over when the two planes crashed into the twin towers. Let me add something to all the hoopla surrounding Obama. I really admired the honesty in his writings, just like the one which was found in My Experiments with Truth and one which seemed missing in the recent writings from senior political leaders.
Satyam, Rice, Hayden and me
Last few days have been quite eventful. Satyam went bust, UNSC voted for ceasefire in Gaza strip, Hayden retired and I lost a kilo or something. All events, huge on their own.
Satyam Fiasco
It might sound a bit harsh but frankly speaking I could never have imagined in my wildest dreams that a person from down South could pull off such a scam. Admit it; South Indians are considered quiet naïve by us North Indians. We think they lack the shrewdness needed for such an occasion. For us from the North such things are nothing new, as one of my gujju friend rightly exclaimed, “This will go down as one of the few financial frauds in which no gujju is involved.” Going by the examples of Ketan Parekh and Harshad Mehta, this didn’t come to me as news. Let me admit it, People from South, I have been wrong till now. You guys are not so naïve after all and have full capabilities of performing such a scam and can take us guys from UP, Bihar or the Gujju stronghold, head on. Also there is a need for a personal apology to all my South Indian friends for my considering them naïve and at times un-sansarik. Sorry Manda, Vamsee, Ajay and company. I have been so very wrong.
UNSC vote on Israel
This was another case of male chauvinism post the master and slave poster of Singh is King in which Katrina was sitting on the floor with Akshay as King on the throne. Poor Condoleezza prepared and arranged this whole resolution and Bush, the master made just a call and she had to abstain from voting, being left thoroughly embarrassed. We can be quite sure such an embarrassment would not have been meted out to a male Secretary of State. Die Die feminism, long live male supremacy.
Hayden retired
At last God you granted my wish. I so love you God that I can even give you my dear cell phone, if you ask me right now. Finally someone, other that an Indian player, got not so great a farewell and had to be thrown out of the squad before retiring into oblivion. It used to pain me lot, seeing Kapil Dev, Azharuddin, Ganguly, Kumble etc carrying on painfully, admist calls for their retirement. Whereas Gilchrist, McGrath, Warne chose to retire at their peak. Damn you Australia, now.
I lost a kilo
This has been the story of my life. Losing few, Gaining lot. Still these are one of the few losses, I love to enjoy.
Terrorism Apologist: What does it really mean?
Recently I was having a discussion with my friends over Mumbai terror attacks. It started from Taj, moved over to the usual Pak bashing to Jehadi terrorism to the sensitive topic of role of Indian Muslims. One suggestion was a stern action against the terrorists wiping out each and every sleeper cell in the country. It supported a free hand to security agencies to do what needs to be done. It was countered by equally deft argumnet that not all Muslims are terrorists and that terrorism has no religion. No sooner was this statement made than there was an off-cut remark about us being terrorism-apologists. I was very much intrigued with the term terrorism-apologist. I tried to Google it out but it seemed to be a relatively new term and not much could be found. I found few articles in which this term was used. No exact definition was found though.
From the articles and reports in which it was used, lets try and find the real meaning of the term terrorism-apologist.
During war on Iraq too, this term “terrorism-apologist” was much in circulation in US. There was a professor at UT-San Antonio who was termed a “terrorism-apologist” in an article. My understanding of the term goes something like this, terrorism-apologists don’t try and justify the terror attacks as the term might suggest. It’s clearly not their intention. What they do is raise some social issues in the support of the terrorists. According to them, it’s we who have made them terrorists (coz agar hum naa hote, toh yeh terrorist bhi naa hote waala funda), so it’s we who are to apologize for making a terrorist out of them. Let’s be fair, they don’t defend and justify the work of terrorists, they try and defend the terrorists instead. They invoke the cause and effect theory as an argument.
To quote the professor from the said article, “It is rejection of U.S. and British policies in the Middle East, not Islam, that has promoted terrorism against America…95 percent of Middle Easterners are Muslims…it is only natural that those opposing the United States and Britain in the region would be Muslims. In India, they would have been Hindu; in Latin America or Northern Ireland, they would have been Catholic.”
Their arguments that, “Islam does not preach terrorism” and “Not all Muslims are terrorists” is well respected and not much disputed, but usually they tend to overdo themselves, create a ruckus thereby posing as a hindrance to the security forces.
I found once such example in India recently. A leading lady from Bollywood tried to connect terrorism with the poor and illiterate state of Muslims, “Injustice to Muslims is the foundation of terrorism”, she commented. To quote her further, “Do you know what percent of Islamic population is living below the poverty line? It’s 40%…There are certain segments of the society which have not got its due, whether you agree or not…When people are poor and have no where to go, they have no choice but to turn into radicals…”.
Ideally her views should have created mixed feelings. However given the backdrop of Mumbai attacks, there was an outrage against her comments and she needed to tender an apology. One may find her to be a terrorism-apologist. After all, Naxalism and Terrorism are two different phenomenons. Let’s not try and mix them. Those who mix them may be termed terrorism apologists.
Some say that this whole idea is nothing but a figment of imagination of the right wing people. But again the issue is open for contention. Maybe next up for discussion should be Naxalism v/s Terrosim for us to get a clear answer to our Holy Grail.
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