Posts Tagged ‘family’
The power of NO
During my early childhood, in the absence of mobile phones, there were very few means to communicate real-time. I remember we waited, all dressed up for my father to come from office and take us market/movie or whatever that was promised. It often happened so; he came back late caught up in some work with no communication.
Now my father is what you can call a Community Character. He will go the extra mile to help people who come to him with problems. He would take charge of marriage arrangements to help out families that he knows of. When we were waiting for him he might get busy helping out some old aunt, uncle or someone who asked his help.
We used to get angry with him then, but today we can understand he was just helping his fellow men. People used to ask him for money, for medicines, child’s school fees and what not. He used to help out and mostly never got his money back.
It’s just that he didn’t know how to say NO. We can look at it both ways. Good or Bad. As I grew up and started discussing things more openly with my father, I realized that over the years he too came to understand the need to say NO. More so, when the people whom he helped, never helped back.
Life has changed a lot in last 10-15 years and time has become a scarcity now. Living in metros, fast paced life and hectic work in private firms has left very less time for an individual. It’s ever more necessary to prioritize and filter out things. People would love to let you do their work. Take for example office, do help out others but always complete your own work first. If you have to stay late helping others, it’s your family with whom you are spending less time.
When you say No, do it in a polite manner. Explain the other person that you would like to help out once you complete your own work, time permitting. It would help you in the long term. No point if your own work/family suffers. It’s very frustrating to say the least.
The Loneliness
I am finally settled in my apartment in the new city. Packers have moved, taps are working and food is cooking. Last two weeks went by at such a frentic pace, I didn’t have any time to stop and think. Now that I have, the realization strikes slowly. I am all alone.
Loneliness is a very wierd thing. Sometimes you have no one around and still you won’t feel it. Sometimes there are lots of people around and you would still feel lonely. Mysterious!
Coming back to situation at hand, I have come to realize the importance of family. With time it’s not as easy to make new friends. Work becomes priority which does not give you time enough to socialize. It’s not that you can’t, it’s just that the chances and the instances and the zeal decreases.
Here is where family comes in. If you shift to a new place with your family, I guess it’s not as strange a feeling. You don’t have to form social/friends circle on urgent basis just to pass the evenings. You don’t have to go shoppings alone. You don’t feel that pang of strandedness.
Moving to a new city, to a new job is teaching me new lessons daily. I think next time I make my move, I’ll try and have my family with me.
No Country for Emotional Men
“Real Men do cry”. This has almost become a modern cliché. Of the past, men were considered to be this hunk, who were strong physically and emotionally. They seldom broke down, could take right decisions even in traversity and could carry the family on their shoulders. Of late this perception has changed. Emotional sides of men have come to the fore. They do cry, they do break, they do are humans.
How does our society behave with these mortal beings? How does the emotional men treated? Well not quite well to be frank.
What I have observed is, however we may evolve, however we say its fine for men to be emotional, the truth is ‘emotions’ and ‘show of it’ is considered by and large a weakness. On your face nobody would say anything, but you would be mocked behind your backs and the worst part is, at the next opportune moment, you would be ripped off and your emotions en-cashed.
Not only people who don’t matter to you, but also the people who matter to you a lot, your friends and family, will chance upon. Might not be music to your ears but it’s true.
How many times have we seen parents trying ‘emotional blackmail’ just because they know their ward is an emotional fool? How many times did your girl fake cried just because she knows you will break? How many time a colleague told an emotional story just to get some money out of you? It’s all a big hoax.
The thing is, there is no place for emotions in this cruel-cruel world. None outside, None inside. Especially, if you are men. My tip would be to keep to yourself, not let anyone in your emotional side. Not unless you want to be short changed.
People will try to make a fool out of you, just because they can. No other reason.
Just say it
It’s been around 10-12 years, but the importance of what my Dad told me that day, presents itself time and again.
Our family was having dinner together. Out of nowhere Dad said, “Today the food is great”. I found the food no different. It was the same. I was perplexed. Dad understood what I was thinking and told me, “It’s important once in a while to compliment your partner even if you don’t mean it. She puts in a lot of effort everyday for this usual food. A single word of praise goes a long way to ease the tiredness of the daily routine. It’s refreshing and a lovely thing”.
The Man was indeed right. My Mom passed a blushing smile and the tension of hard work was gone. It was replaced by satisfaction. Had my Dad not said anything to Mom, it would have been fine. But just fine and nothing else.
To feel is not enough. What’s important is to express those feelings time and again. With our monotonous routine, we fail to keep track of these things and life starts drifting. To keep the fun alive, timely intervention is needed.
When you love someone, be it your parents, your siblings, your friends, your partner, it’s necessary to remind them verbally of that love time and again. They know that you love them, but little reassurance is always nice. Next time you meet your Mom, tell her that you love her. You would be amazed to see the smile on her face.
Courtesy: A Lovely Cat
Same Same but Different
Last night I had this amazing dream. I woke up at night with lights flashing all over. A man with big mustache and vintage golden dress was standing tall, over me, and laughing loud. “Wake up, you lazy bugger, Wake up”. Sleepy and startled, my first reaction was to blame it on the overdose of Vodka that night. But soon the gravity of the situation or can I say the lack of it dawned on me. Aaj toh lag gayi Mamu!
He told me I was dead. Died of a certain Gastropathic attack. Gas! Couldn’t it have been something legendary? Like being attacked by flying dragons while jumping of a plane which collided with a UFO. Leave it. I died of Gas alright.
Here I was, one moment trying to realize my dreams, my future and the very next facing the shock of my demise. My whole life flashed before my eyes. Family, Friends, Future. What now? I begged, pleaded with my soul transporter. Let me live to make things work, make things right.
It’s hard to say that it was my lucky day, given that I just died. But he took pity to me which clearly didn’t seem to match his M.O. “There’s one condition though”, said he. “Here it comes” “Give me a reason to let You live. Hey it’s easy, “I have so much left to do in my life. Get married. Make a career. Have kids”. He gave me a smile. “You don’t seem to get my question. Why should I let You and not some other person, live”
I was just an answer away. Given that I have been writing exams all my life, it shouldn’t have been that difficult. But believe you me, however hard I tried, I couldn’t get an answer.
Have you ever thought? Trying to make a mark in life, a place for ourselves, we have ended up being clones of each other. Lost that very individuality that we have been craving for, fighting for. When I look outside my apartment all I see is blinking stars. Only they are not stars, they are other apartments. We are all boxed up. All flats look same. All work looks same. All roads look same. All blokes look same. How is my life any different to my fellow men?
Well, it only seems logical that we all be same. The funda of evolution revolves around learning and surviving. We learn from others, grab the best of all and apply to our lives. Thereby becoming a hybrid.
With the advent of cut throat competition, this cloning process has only hastened. Don’t you remember your mother/wife saying, “Pados waale Sharma ji jo TV laaye hain humein bhi wohi chaiye” Or a kid crying that he wants the new Play station which his friends have. You covet other mans wife, car, house, life.
If we look at it the other way round, “What’s the problem in being clones” After all we are all born humans. Same at birth. Same creator. Same creation. Why is the need to be different? Just that it doesn’t seem all that right to be part of a monotonous system. It just seem what can I say, unnatural.
The similarity doesn’t end with the lives we tread; it follows us to our grave. However hard we have tried to make our post-death ceremonies different, the truth is, after a certain point, nothing but dust remains.
Anyhow, I was not able to answer the question of the big mustached guy. Good that it was just a dream. Am not sure what I had done for real. Not even sure I really do care to be all that distinctive. I might try now and then, something out of the blue to be different. Might also be successful at that for a while. Till someone decides to catch up and steal my thunder of course.
Deja vu: Life a universal struggle
An American resident and an Indian taxi-driver in US.
American: Where are you from?
Indian: India.
American: Oh! India, I have heard a lot about it.
Indian: Really, what?
American: It has a great cultural heritage and history.
Indian: Yes, true.
American: I have also heard there is rampant poverty there.
Indian: Well, it’s not exactly so.
American: You are saying there is no poverty?
Indian: It’s not what I said. The things have improved.
American: Why were you forced to move out of your country to work here?
Indian: I was not forced. There are greater opportunities here.
American: You lack opportunities in your country?
Indian: A lot new opportunities have come up now.
American: What is the reason for poor state of affairs in India?
Indian: Oh it’s all because of corrupt politicians.
American: Why do you guys vote for such leaders?
Indian: People are illiterate and are duped on the basis of caste and religion.
American: It sounds too bad.
Indian: Not so, as I said the things have improved a lot.
American: Tell me.
Indian: Our economy is improving day by day. We have multi-stories, malls, discos and per capita has improved a lot.
American: I heard that you guys have very high crime rate and officials too corrupt.
Indian: No it’s not so. As I said, its improving as country is developing.
American: You guys work for cheap here, don’t you think you are exploited?
Indian: I save enough to send back home. It is enough for my family there.
American: Don’t you miss your family?
Indian: I miss them dearly.
American: Why don’t you bring them here then?
Indian: I won’t be able to afford it. I go and meet them once a year.
American: It all made me sad but I really like your spirit. Bye
Indian: Good Bye Sir.
Just change American by someone from say Mumbai/Delhi and Indian by someone say from UP/Bihar and the question/answers remains the same. Is struggle the essence of life? I fail to find an answer. All I can do is vow to work harder than ever to erase the need for such questions, the need for such answers and the existence of such differences.
फिर वो पुरानी याद आई
क्यों रह रह कर आते सपने,
उन पीर परायी रातों के,
क्यों होती है दिल में हलचल,
उन नई पुरानी बातों से,
क्यों जहन में अटकी हैं यादें,
जब गलियों की कच्ची सड़कें,
सावन में पक्की लगती थीं,
जब टूटी सायिकल की गद्दी,
मोटर से मुलायम लगती थी,
जब आंच पे पकती रोटी भी,
जायके में अव्वल लगती थी,
क्या दौर था वो, कुछ और था वो,
सुख चैन का बस सिरमौर था जो,
वो समां पुराना चला गया,
कुछ और देर तक रहता फिर,
मिल बैठ के बातें करते हम,
कोई रीत पुरानी गाता में,
कुछ गम मिल जुलकर करते कम|
मैदान में वो गिरना पड़ना,
हर बात पे बालक हठ करना,
जो हवा बनाई डींगे हांक,
सब अव्वल बैटिंग देते थे,
जो आड़े आया कोई सो,
अपने सुदबुध में ऐंठे थे,
जो पेड़ सुनहरा गुलमोहरी,
दिनभर हरिया बरसाता था,
वोह बेल हवा में टूट टूट,
और नीम का मस्ती लहराना,
क्या दौर था वो, कुछ और था वो,
सुख चैन का बस सिरमौर था जो,
वो समां पुराना चला गया,
कुछ और देर तक रहता फिर,
मिल बैठ के बातें करते हम,
कोई रीत पुरानी गाता में,
कुछ गम मिल जुलकर करते कम|
शादी का मौसम सुनते ही,
मुहँ में पानी का आ जाना,
ख्वाब में भी खुरचन लड्डू की,
आपस में कुश्ती करवाना,
और कचौड़ी पूड़ी से,
घी का टप टप रिसते जाना,
और नहीं, बस और नहीं,
एक और तो लो, तुम्हें मेरी कसम,
भाभी देवर का टकराना,
क्या दौर था वो, कुछ और था वो,
सुख चैन का बस सिरमौर था जो,
वो समां पुराना चला गया,
कुछ और देर तक रहता फिर,
मिल बैठ के बातें करते हम,
कोई रीत पुरानी गाता में,
कुछ गम मिल जुलकर करते कम|
बीमार था जब, सब याद है अब,
दादी ने नजर उतारी थी,
अलाएँ बालाएं सब टल जाएँ,
इस बात की दुआ पुकारी थी,
दीवाली में पूरे कुनबे का,
मिल जुलकर बाड़ा चमकाना,
कुछ दीपक से, कुछ बत्ती से,
सब ओर प्रकाश का टिम टाना,
सब बच्चों को नगदी मिलना,
बड़ों का आशीर्वाद कहलाता था,
एक सुई, एक धागे में,
सारा संसार पिर जाता था,
क्या दौर था वो, कुछ और था वो,
सुख चैन का बस सिरमौर था जो,
वो समां पुराना चला गया,
कुछ और देर तक रहता फिर,
मिल बैठ के बातें करते हम,
कोई रीत पुरानी गाता में,
कुछ गम मिल जुलकर करते कम|
हो गई पुरानी सब बातें,
यादें भी धुंधली हो हैं चली,
पर मन जाने क्यों अटका है,
कभी ना जाना, उसी गली,
कभी कभी एक आस जगे,
क्यों ना कल जब सो के उठें,
तो सुबह उन्हीं गलियों में हो,
रात उन्हीं अठखलियों से हो,
पर बीत चुका कब आया है,
बीते की याद ही आई है,
क्या दौर था वो, कुछ और था वो,
सुख चैन का बस सिरमौर था जो,
वो समां पुराना चला गया,
कुछ और देर तक रहता फिर,
मिल बैठ के बातें करते हम,
कोई रीत पुरानी गाता में,
कुछ गम मिल जुलकर करते कम|
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