Archive for 2008
India Australia Series: Is the hype real?
Of Late, India-Australia Cricket has become a huge affair. No stone remains unturned towards a memorable and saleable experience. Same goes for the current Test series. While Players are busy churning out high quality of cricket, Media is busy churning out equally sensational stuff. Let me put down a few from both print and visual media.
Why did Ganguly announce sudden retirement?
The Holy Grail! The news channel famous for its sting ops claimed to have laid its hands on the “real” truth. Whole affair was portrayed as some Watergate scandal waiting to be unearthed. The news went, “Ganguly ki beizzati ki thi tyaari. Dada ko nahin chahiye thi yeh beizzati. Dada ne kiya kinare hone ka faisla”. According to the channel, Kumble had plans to leave out Ganguly from the first test match squad. He wanted to avenge the insult that Ganguly laid on him by not playing him during the 2003 World Cup despite his constant pleads. According to the “well placed” sources it would not be possible for Kumble to keep Ganguly out now.
Kumble and the 2 CD’s
The same channel claimed that Kumble-the captain have played 2 VCD’s to the team. First one contained clippings from the farcical Sydney test, Australia claiming dropped catches and the Monkeygate scandal. The second one relived Kolkata 2001. It got players pumped up. CD may or may not have pumped up the players but this news would for sure have left viewers boiling and hungry for revenge against the Australians.
Oz media slam Ganguly for delaying tactics in ‘farcical draw’
This was a heading from the PTI. I searched online for related articles by the Australian media. I checked Sydney Morning Herald, The Age and others but couldn’t find any such report. What I found was a single article titled “Farcical draw like kissing mother-in-law” by some Andrew McKinlay. PTI claimed as if the entire Oz media was after Ganguly.
Recently, according to a report BCCI advised a sports channel not to advertise this as revenge and hatred filled series. Whatever be the case, sometimes such reporting do help in keeping up the popularity of the sport. I for one enjoyed run-in’s between Zaheer and Haddin, Shane Watson’s antics and Brett Lee’s glare a lot among other things. In fact I might not have enjoyed the match so much but for the media backed controversies.
Media: right or WRONG
Last week a leading news channel was seen patting its back. It carried out an operation in Delhi. A female reporter walked on the road alone during the night to catch the person/persons who tried to take advantage of her.
One must say that this was a clear master stoke. However there seems to be a flaw. It served no positive purpose other than to add to the TRP of the news channel. On the hindsight it did some harm.
Firstly, let me go into as to why nothing positive came out of it. “Are the women safe at night?” is one such question as, “Is cigarette smoking not injurious to health”. Come’ on all of us know that answer to both the questions is a stern NO. What the channel tried to do by proving a well known fact, is far from my understanding. In fact a few days ago, even the Delhi CM agreed that roads are not safe for the females at night. Had the issue been “how this should be resolved”, channel should have been patted. It would have helped creating a better environment. But I guess, it’s easier to be a part of the problem than to be of the solution.
Secondly, why it did some harm? Consider the scenario that the car of a lady broke down at night. Now would anyone stop to help her? I think not. He would be more worried that if the lady turns out to be a reporter in disguise, he would be shown on television as a beast trying to take advantage of a stranded girl. This number would be much higher than the number of real criminals who would turn away due to the fear of being exposed. So in effect it would do more harm than good.
Indian Economy Strong: Funda-mentally
Last few days have witnessed regular assurances from finance ministry, RBI governor, CEO of leading Indian banks as to how India would weather the global financial storm. All the assurances had one thing in common, “The fundamentals of our economy are very strong”. What these financial fundamentals really are? How to understand them? Well, I have one approach ready for you. As they say “Cinema reflects the Society”, let’s start our search for the economic fundamentals via the fundamentals of Indian cinema.
“Thakur, jaan pyaari hai toh Tijori ki chabiyaan nikaal”. Who doesn’t remember this legendary line? Immortalized by Thakurs ranging from Kanhaiyyalal to Madanlal and Dacoits cum Robinhoods ranging from Raj Kumar to Sunil Dutt. Another such scene is where the greedy Thakur opens his Tijori to lend money to the poor Kisaan at high interest rate. Here the most important fundamental is Tijori. Our society too cherished this personal Tijori. Down the years, the Tijori got replaced by a bank locker for quite a few. Barring the recent trends, we are not known to be ardent investors. We do save money but most of us do not invest in other than the popular LIC policies. We all have such Tijori’s which keep our money safe and sound if not reap returns. Before you point out the decreasing worth owing to inflation, keep in mind that we usually keep our savings as gold, silver etc. But the Tijori persists.
“Kaam ho jaiyega Seth. Paisa mere Swiss bank account mein pahunch jaana chaiye”. This corruption and surplus black money has helped avert the mortgage crisis in India. Consider a house with market value of 1crore. Usually one pays 50lac in cash and 50lac via cheque. This ratio may vary from 40:60 to 45:55 or vice versa. The cash is what is usually called number 2 ka paisa. For the rest 50lac, we apply for a loan. Even if the property rates fall to say 80lac (from 1cr initially), unlike Americans we don’t forego our property to the bank. After all the current market rate is still greater than the loan due. So the black money in property business has not let mortgage crises come to India in the way it has rattled US. (for more read http://www.swaminomics.org/articles/20080330.htm)
“Madam hum ICUC bank se aaye hain. Aap loan chuka dijiye warna hum bahut kameeney log hain”. This dialogue delivered with pure sincerity in the movie “One Two Three”, gives us clear insight as to the low default rate in India. The loan is distributed via agents and settled via another set of agents, while the bank sits pretty. Should the leading banks go the legal way, it would take them at least 20 years to settle. Agree or not, this so called extortion has kept the so called fundamentals of our economy sound.
“Bhaisahab yeh Mangal-Sutra girvi rakh leejiye”. Nirupa Roy in need of money for the treatment of her sick son. Here mangalsutra is the key. Most of the Indian families have household jewellery. Ask your mother for confirmation. Regardless of the bank balance, there have to be sufficient diamond/gold/silver ornaments to be worn at various ceremonies. This domestic wealth is the one which has helped many a family sail through the dark times.
Jetlite: Love it or hate it, you can’t cancel it
Recently, I booked a Jetlite fight online, from Katmandu to Delhi, for my CFA exam. A couple of days later a friend of mine found the same ticket cheaper by 1500 bucks. I checked and found it to be true. As a middle class baniya, first thought that came to my mind was to cancel the ticket and book it again. I mean, if “x” be the cancellation charge, it would still leave me with “1500-x”.
I typed in the url www.jetlite.com . I couldn’t find the link to reschedule or cancel. I was like stunned. I called up my friend. At first he thought I had made a mistake, “Come ‘on, how could there be no rescheduling or cancellation link. It would be there only. Check again”. I spent another 15-20 minutes going through each and every link on the webpage, but to no avail.
Not knowing what to do, I dialed up the help line number given on the website. After initial IVR reply, I was routed to the operator (after a substantial waiting, I must add). My worst fears came true when the lady replied, “No sir, you can’t reschedule or cancel the flight online. It can only be done telephonically”. Okay, the crude oil prices are all time high and aviation industry is reeling under heavy loss, but is this the way to avenge it?
Cancellation charges were 500 bucks. I asked them to cancel my ticket. They have informed me that my account would be credited in about 15 days. However when I booked again, the money was debited instantaneously.
For all those, who like me, have been left wondering, how to cancel the ticket, here are the numbers to Jetlite call centre, 1800 22 3020 / 3989 3333. For further inquiry click here . Happy Journey!
Various categories of PJ’s
Name: Poor Joke (PJ)
Age: Unknown
Effect: Deadly, Suicidal, Make you cringe, Trigger a sudden pulse down the spinal chord
Know As: Khatta (sour), Maaru (deadly)
Having spent some considerable time devouring each and every PJ that came by, I have tried to divide them into certain categories based on their characteristics.
- Story Time: Lengthy ones
Seriously long!. Come with a narration. An old house, the old lady, one untimely accident, a sudden death. After a grueling half n hour or so, either we have to answer a simple question or suggest a moral to the story. Believe you me; if you tried as much to think, you would definitely commit suicide.
Q There was a bus conductor. He was very rude. Due to his fault a lot of people used to get killed. Each time he was arrested-produced before the court-sent to the electric chair. Each time he survived. Realizing his mistake, he became a good man. Once when he tried to help somebody, he was again arrested-produced before the court-sent to the electric chair. This time he died instantaneously. The question is why?
A Earlier he was a Bad Conductor so electricity couldn’t pass through. Later he became a Good Conductor, electricity passed through. He died. (based on http://www.dctorrent.com/f204/deadly-pj-23733/)
- Stand on the shoulder of Giants: Remember the Titans
A PJ is told. We are subjected to another four-five PJ’s. The last PJ is a Q n A type. The answer to it lies in the very first PJ. It leaves you wondering, “I knew the answer all along”. One classical example is the “Elephant in the fridge”.
Q How will you put a camel in the fridge?
A Open the door. Put the camel in. Close the door.
Q How will you put an elephant in the fridge?
A Open the door. Take the camel out. Put the elephant in. Close the door.
..…
…. 4-5 questions
….
Q You are in a plane moving out from one city to another with all your belongings. Suddenly the plane starts losing height. Pilot asks each passenger to throw out the heavy items. What would you do?
A Of course. Open the fridge and throw out the elephant.
..…
….Another 4-5 questions
….
Q Two guys are standing by the side of a swimming pool. One of them jumps in. The other one didn’t know how to swim, so he remain outside. The one standing by the pool dies. Why?
A Easy. The elephant you threw out fell on him. Arrrggghhh!!! (based on: http://www.akhilesh.in/life/fun/jokes/pj0041TestYourCommonSenseRevisited.php)
- What is the meaning?
These are the smaller ones. You just have to find the meaning of some simple statement.
Santa meets his friend Bunta
Santa: A and B, A and B, A and B, A and B, A and B…!
Bunta: Oye, Iska Matlab ?
Santa: Kuch Nahin Yaar, I Mean Long Time No C..!
(Source: http://www.killerpj.com/index.php?sbjoke_id=290)
- Singing Daisy
Answer lies in some famous song. I am sure all of you might have read the following two.
Q Ganesh ko Anesh kisne banaya
A Kailash Kher ne. Tere naam se G loon. Tere naam se mar jaoon.
Q How will you light a cigarette in a boat without a matchstick?
A Take some water in your hand. Let it pass drop by drop. Tip Tip barsa paani, paani ne aag lagayi. Use it to light the cigarette. (based on: http://www.akhilesh.in/life/fun/jokes/pj0062LightACigarette.php)
- Antonym: The opposite
We have to guess the antonym of a particular word. We can solve them if we try and break the word into various Hindi/English sub-words.
Dominoes <—> Domi doesn’t know.
Nag Panchami <—> Nag did not punch me.
- Can’t help it: Main aisa hi hoon
They don’t come with any answer. They are the wackiest ones
Q 3+3=8 How?
A By mistake (Galti se).
Q A hen and three chickens cross a busy road. On reaching the other side, one of the chicks said, “Thank God all 5 of us are safe”. Why did it say “all 5 of us”?
A Come on! It is just a small chick. Small children usually make mistake while counting. (based on: http://www.crazyengineers.com/forum/chillax-chit-chat/30-ridiculous-jokes.html)
- Tag-the-line
The answer lies in a catchy tag line of some ad campaign.
Q A person used to live a normal life. Once he got a call on his idea mobile. It was from a girl. A wrong number, perhaps! Still he talked to her. They fell in love. Got married. One night, when they were sleeping, the wife got murdered. He was implicated in the murder. He cried that he has not killed his wife but to no avail. He was sent to jail. He lived there for 5 years. He broke out of the jail. He ran away from the city. He started living in the forest. He did Tapasya for 5 years. God became happy. He was granted a wish and was made the Prime Minister of the country. What is the moral of the story?
A An idea can change your life!
- Anekta mein Ekta: Regional ones
They are based on Sardars, Madrasis, Bengalis or for that matter Blondes.
The list is not extensive. Perhaps you could categorize them further. Till then I would leave you with this. Why was Indian Cricket team not able to drink Pepsi during their ODI series, Sri Lanka ’08?
Munna ki Shaadi
Everyone has some childhood memory which tend to bring smiles. For me it would be “childhood rhymes”. One which I sang the most, enjoyed the most is the, “Munna ki Shaadi”. Try singing it fast, would enjoy better. Also if you can couple it with claps, pleasure would be supreme.
Bigg Boss: The Truman Show
For those who have watched Jim Carrey’s, “The Truman Show”, the Bigg Boss house too symbolizes the real world. Let’s see how.
Bigg Boss: He is the God, the almighty, the supreme. Members consider the decision of Bigg Boss their fate. They pray to their God to give them more food (budget) the coming week. They ask his forgiveness for any fault of theirs. They cry in the confession room. They get angry with him at times and as his children want him to be loving and caring.
Housemates: In this world we play various roles. Similarly the house mates take over different roles. Rahul becomes the toilet cleaner. Ketaki becomes the cook. Elina becomes the maid. Raja becomes the king. These roles are not allotted but are assumed.
Tasks: We all work to earn money, to get food. In the house too members perform a particular task to earn food for the coming week. If they fail, they don’t get paid that well and have to live with limited resources. This creates friction. ‘Coz scarcity of resources is the root cause of discontent and disruption. The work may not be what they wish to do. Still need to do it for living anyway.
Nominations: In real world we have friends and foes. We wish well for some and not so well for others. The nomination brings out the dark side. They want a person not be a part of their life anymore. They want the person they don’t like to leave the world. Simply they wish him to die. They pray to the God (Bigg Boss) to take their enemies away. They conspire to get rid of them.
Eliminations: The soul leaves the house. Bigg Boss decides to take a member away. A member goes out and only his memories remain. He is dead. The recurring elimination symbolizes that nothing is imperishable. Everyone has to die. Nature has to take its own course. The life continues.
सायोनारा: अलविदा सैंट पीटर्स
My farewell speech 12 Std, St. Peters College Agra, 2003.
कुछ बीती बातों का छोड़ रहा हूँ फव्वारा,
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दिल कि डायरी का है यह सार सारा,
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इस कविता में अपनी पहचान ख़ुद से है करारा यह बेचारा,
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सुबह घंटी बजने के ५ मिनट बाद नियमपूर्वक क्लास में है आरा,
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बिना पास के साइकिल स्टैंड वाले को दस रुपये का किया इशारा,
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बिन पॉलिश के जूतों और लंबे बालों को लिए क्लास में है घुसा जारा,
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डायरी न लाने पर एक दोस्त के कवर व बाकी से पन्ने लेकर असेम्बली में जाने की जुगाड़ है बिठारा,
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एडवर्ड सर की नजरों से बचने के लिए गंदे जूते पैंट से है घिसे जारा,
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छोटे कद का होकर भी असेम्बली की लाइन में सबसे पीछे है लगा जारा,
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प्रयेर के टाइम पे गर्लफ्रैंड के किस्से है सुनारा,
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नेशनल ऐनथम के दौरान अटेंशन में नहीं खड़ा हुआ जारा,
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‘गुड मोर्निंग टीचर’ को के.एल. सहगल के गीत की तरह है सुनारा,
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पहले ही पिरिएड में टिफिन का लिया चटकारा,
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चुपके से दूसरे कि बोतल से पानी है पिया जारा,
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लीव ऐप्लीकेशन न लाने पर जल्दी से मम्मी-पापा का साइन है किया जारा,
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बिना सिलेबस कि किताबों के भी नोविल्स के बोझ से बैग है फटा जारा,
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बोरिंग लेक्चर के बीच नींद में डूबा जारा और पकड़े जाने पर घिसा पिटा राग सुनारा,
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मॉरल साइंस के पिरिएड में फादर के संग ठहाके है लगारा,
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इंगलिश के पिरिएड में में मैथ का काम है किया जारा,
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मैथ का पिरिएड आने पर सिस्टर ऑफिस भागा जारा,
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एग्जाम से पहले बैठकर महनत से फर्रे है बनारा,
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टीचर के सिर को एरोप्लेन की लैंडिंग प्लेस है बनारा,
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चुन-चुन कर दूसरों पे रबड़ में फंसाकर बुलेट है बर्सारा,
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पंखे, ट्यूबलाईट और, बल्ब को चॉक का निशाना है बनारा,
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तबियत ख़राब होने का बहाना बनाकर घर को भगा जारा,
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फ़ुटबाल मैच में सामने वाले को धक्का देकर गिरारा और ख़ुद गिरने पर बाहर मिलने का न्योता देकर आरा,
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जूनियर साइड में नल की लाइन पर जाकर छोटे बच्चों को है हड़कारा,
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इंटरवल की घंटी बजने पर खिड़की से है कूदा जारा,
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कैंटीन में ५ रुपये में दो पैटी लेकर अपनी बुद्धि को है इतरारा,
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औरों की बर्थडे की ट्रीट खाकर अपनी बर्थडे के दिन स्कूल में न दिया नज़ारा,
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एब्सेंट होने पर रोज नया बहाना बनरा,
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कैंटीन की भीड़ में अपनी शक्ति का पूरा जोर दिखारा,
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दूसरे के बर्गर के चिथड़े कर फूले नहीं समारा,
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दो दोस्तों के बीच डब्लू.डब्लू.एफ करवाकर मंद-मंद मुस्करारा,
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क्लास से बंक मारकर पूरे स्कूल में गश्त है लगारा,
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पीछे बैठकर दोस्तों से गप्पें है लडारा,
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एग्जाम में आगे वाले को आन्सर बताने के लिए पटारा और न बताने पर उसे भूखे शेर कि तरह है घूरे जारा,
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केमिस्ट्री लैब में नाइट्रिक एसिड से घर की टकसाल के सारे सिक्के है चमकारा,
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विभिन्न रसायनों को मिला सतरंगी चित्र है बनारा,
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५ टी.टी और दो बीकर तोड़ने की गाथा गर्व से पूरी क्लास को है सुनारा,
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फिजिक्स लैब में मरकरी कि गोलियाँ है बनरा,
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वहाँ के इन्सटरूमंट्स तोड़कर, उनके पहले से टूटे होने कि ख़बर सच्चाई से टीचर को है सुनारा,
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प्रोजक्ट टाइप करने के बहाने पूरा दिन कमप्यूटर लैब में ऐ.सी. के मजे है उड़ारा,
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मक्खन लगाकर सब टीचर्स का बनना चाह रहा दुलारा और दूसरों के मक्खन लगाने को सहन नहीं कर पारा,
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स्पोर्ट्स डे की शाम कॉरिडोर में बम्ब है छुड़ारा,
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और भड़ाम की आवाज आने पर सीना फूलकर दुगना हुआ जारा,
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एग्जाम टाइम में सब टीचर्स के पैर छूकर जारा,
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सेकंड क्लास की सीड़ियों से “ग्रेट वाल पार आफ चाइना” के उस पार है झाँका जारा,
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स्कूल के अन्दर आने के रास्ते में बड़ा गेट आते ही स्पीड धीमी कर मुंडी है घुमारा,
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कम्बाइंड स्कूल सैलिब्रैशन के लिए १५ अगस्त का इंतज़ार है किया जारा,
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इन सब को याद कर बड़ी मुश्किल से हूँ में अश्रुधारा को रोक पारा,
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सैंट पीटर्स के गलियारों में दिल मेरा हारा,
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यहाँ है सब टीचर्स का स्नेह और फादर मैथ्यू का प्यार बहुत सारा,
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यहाँ है मानवता का फव्वारा,
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यह है मार्गदर्शक हमारा,
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येह है प्यार का गुलिस्तां हमारा,
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आज इन सब चीजों को कर रहा हूँ में सायोनारा
सायोनारा, सायोनारा, सायोनारा…
…अलविदा सैंट पीटर्स…
Can you dare? Long Hair
Finally I decided to go through with it. I don’t know about others but I don’t do it that often. However once in a while I do ignore my inner inhibitions and heed to the demand of this material world. We often hear “inner self is supreme”, “What you are within matters most”. If that’s so, why does every other guy in the town need to point “it” out to me? I usually don’t accede to the constant queries like, “Why are you not getting it done?” or suggestions such as, “I think you should get it done already”. For those who are wondering, I am talking about my poor hairs. I don’t understand why does the society go all out to bring them under the guillotine? I mean, “Why Why Why???”
Any sign of hairs outgrowing my ears and they would all gather into a pack of hounds that has find its new prey. It would start with the usual, “Poor chap seems busy, so much of office work, doesn’t get time for even a haircut” Brick by brick it would lead to, “Want to keep long hair, hmm…going fashionable?” Even before you can react to that, you are being called by names ranging from Zulfi to Hairdo to Girly. I remember one of my favorites. It was when Tera Naam released and my hairs were around five months old. One of my colleague started calling me Aashiq or something similar; and soon every other guy followed suit.
When the near and dear ditch you, why to lament of the strangers. It might be bitter but the truth is that the strongest resistance comes from the family. Leave aside parents who were supposed to react so, even the Bua’s, Mami’s and Mausi’s make your life miserable. At first you try to laugh it off, later you try to dish out witty excuses. After some time you start dreading the family functions, where a bunch of deadly faces, salivating to the full, is waiting to devour you. One may reason that our society is a closed knit family…blah blah blah. I agree but why my poor hairs!!!
Recently when I was at home, fresh from college, all hell broke loose. It took some time for my parents to recognize me at station (or so they said). I don’t remember even a single relative who had not pricked me. High point came when I finally decided to go under the hammer. I was standing at paan bhandar near my ancestral house. The shopkeeper asked, “You seem like Shiv Bhaiyya’s son”. I nodded, “Yes, why?” His reply struck me really hard. “Nothing, I saw you last week. Wondered, what is Shiv Bhaiyya’s son doing roaming in a ponytail?” Earlier they were after me to get a cut. Now they have a new weapon ready, “Now that you have heeded to the advice, you look like a man”.
Lehman will be back
The speculations were going on since about a month. There were talks of possible stake sellout to complete buyout. People were quite optimistic though. It has been two months since I joined Lehman Brothers (India office) and four months since I received my B.Tech degree. I won’t say that the situation here is the first for me alone; it is the first for almost all of us here. When we saw Bear Stearns go down, it was like, “Oh! It’s not good. But we will sail through”. When it has come down to us, I know now how it feels like. It’s not that I am too much worried about a job or anything. A bit alright, but not much. After all, I am a recent college pass-out and that too from Computer Science. I hope to get a new job sooner or later. But still there is a sinking feeling deep down. After all guys, I might not come back to the job tomorrow.
I have seen anxious faces over the last few weeks amidst rumors of people being laid off in London and New York almost every other day. Nevertheless the professionalism here has been supreme. My managers, my seniors were trying to hold the forte, working 24×7 undeterred by the speculations. Even this past weekend, a lot of my colleagues worked 24×7 trying to sail past the inevitable. When the news of the failed talks started trickling in, anxious faces turned into “wtf!” to “what next?” Pagers and phones kept buzzing all through the day. The friends, family and old mates kept enquiring the Holy Grail. “What went wrong?” “Come’ on yaar!!! Even Richard Fuld would be wondering about that”. Having come to him, I must say that people here hold him in very high regard. Till the recent news, people were dead sure that Richard Fuld would pull it off. And even today, we all are sure; he had done what all he could do. We still believe that Lehman will be back sooner or later. Richard Fuld is not the one to go down so easily. The faith people have in him here is just next to what I had seen during my college days, when the whole college used to have such blind faith in our director GB Sir, IITG. The feeling of such solidarity must be felt to believe in.
I want to admit today that I have been a bit laid off although my life. Or at least last few years at college. I have let life take its own course putting in just the effort which was required of me. I and my friends who have joined Lehman recently are taking it as a blessing in disguise. We have faced such as scenario so early in our career. It would help us remain prepared for the future. Working with Lehman has been a nice ride. I have learnt a lot here. The employee base here is among the best what you can get.
I have just talked to my colleague in London who was calling it off for the day probably heading for the nearest pub. Well, we deserve at least a mug of Beer. After all it has been a hell of a day.
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