Posts Tagged ‘india’
All party meet (Satire)
Indian Parliament is in grave danger. The very existence of our Neta’s is under threat. I am talking about bad quality of food in Parliament canteen. How can we expect the lawmakers to function without good food?
Gauging the graveness of the issue, Venkaiah Naidu promptly called an all party meet. There was a huge ruckus. “One at a time please. One at a time”, he pleaded.
Mamta Banerjee: No gooood fooood, areeee baba. This is a conspiracy by Govt. to suppress the voice of people. Ei no cholbe. Ei no cholbe.
Sushma Swaraj: Kaisa waktavya prastutt kiya hai? We also eat here. Blaming the Govt. is like not getting the pulse of the nation.
Mayawati (gate-crashing): Idhar aa tu. You are right we are not getting pulse but in canteen. Paani jaisi dal. Yeh manuwaadi log. Yeh manuwaadi mansikta.
Rahul Gandi (facing the wall): Only one voice is being heared in the canteen. The voice of the waiter from Centrefresh (kaisi jeeb laplapaayi) advt. I feel it. My mother feels it. My chauffeur feels it. My gym instructor feels it.
Sumitra Mahajan: Dekhiye, as Tai, I want to give everyone time to speak. However big or small. Manager or waiter. I will go by set precedents on it.
Rajiv Pratap Rudy: I did not become a minister. “Papa ki toh lag gayi“, my kids are made fun of. I make jokes on Congress just to soothe some pain. Congress wont be allowed scrambled eggs given they are scrambling for LoP. They just ate a humble pie. Aren’t they full. He He. Sigh!
Jayalalita: I don’t have the pull on NDA as in the yesteryear. But if Govt. awards me the canteen contract, I will side with them while deciding on dessert. My dream of Amma Canteen in the Capital.
Derek O’Brien: How long can I survive on Bournvita. I see hands of the cook dripping with gravy as he holds them up. But when food is served we get no gravy. “Where does the gravy go?” You have 30 secs to answer that question.
Mulayam Singh: We have been hit by inflation. Earlier we used to get bulk discount. Now we are just five. No discount. Ab per head jyada aata hai. Are these the acche din?
The argument went on for couple more hours. All that was agreed upon was the date of the next meeting.
Modi was seeing it all from spy cam. With a notorious smile he chugged at this laptop as he ordered a pizza. “Simple”.
Governors Transferred: An Irony
Governors, their sacking, their transfers, their role and their political relevance is being talked about a lot these days in India. Recently one respected Governor was transferred from West to East. He resigned citing insult and inability to move. Controversy ensued.
I am not going to touch upon the usual politics but about something else.
The person mentioned has been a distinguished politician with an illustrious public life; has been a minister several times in his life. He would have his valid reasons not to move, but what I fail to understand is how the transfer was an insult? Why cry foul about the transfer?
These are the very politicians who when come to power start transferring officials at their whims and fancies. IAS/PCS officers are transferred in bulk without reason. Aren’t these officials insulted? There have been cases of honest IAS officers transferred over 50 times without reason. Now that the political class is crying foul, it should introspect about what it has done to the public servants over time.
I sympathize with the said person; it’s never easy to move. But do politicians ever think about the similar pain of honest public servants? It’s ironical to see the political class raising a hue and cry now. Are we all not equal? Is Governor more/less important than any other public servant? But I guess this is a question for another lifetime.
I would like the Governors not being transferred but not before apathy of honest public servants ends. Till then I reckon its payback!
PS: I am of opinion to make the Governors tenure synchronous with the Parliament.
मेला वोट का
देखो फिर से लगा है मेला,
तरह तरह के हैं नट-खेल,
कोई है पत्तों का जादूगर,
कोई सौदागर किस्मत का।
कोई दंगों के डर से डरा रहा,
कोई है घोटाले सुना रहा,
जात-पात की देता दुहाई,
कोई धर्म का हाथ भड़ा रहा।
एक करतबी मिला मुझे,
जो रस्सी पे चलता था,
इस ओर नहीं, उस ओर नहीं,
बीच रास्ते निकलता सा।
था एक मदारी वादों का,
बस वादों का, न इरादों का,
सब बंदर बनकर उछल रहे,
पैसे बटोर वो निकल लिया।
दाढ़ी वाला बाबा आया,
साथ अपने कुछ सपने लाया,
नयी तरक्की, दिशा नयी,
न हो बड़े व्यापारी की ढाल कहीं।
एक गोरा चिट्टा बच्चा आया,
बड़ा नाम और इतिहास लाया,
हर हाथ शक्ति की बात करी,
घोटालों का आरोप, न हुआ बरी।
हुंकार भरी एक बैरी ने,
कहता है मैं हूँ पाक साफ़,
जनता के मन में संशय है,
किस करवट ऊँठ ये बैठेगा।
सब हैं मेले की मस्ती में,
हर चीज़ बिके है सस्ती में,
जिसे भी मिले बंपर इनाम,
कर के देगा वो कुछ काम?
India likes Modi, Diaspora hates him?
A lot of has been written about Modi over the last decade or so. A decade which has been one of the most exciting of recent times! It is not just mere coincidence that Modi has grown over the Urban India over the decade which has witnessed humongous growth rate. Given the pan-India appeal that Modi enjoys, it has always been a mystery to me why he has not been able to win over Indian Americans?
Why is the Indian American lobby so strong against Modi that he is not even allowed entry to US? Given that nothing moves in US sans lobby-ism, I am forced to take this giant leap in assumption that most of (if not all), affluent American Indian diaspora is anti-Modi (Or pretends to be).
Urban India stands shoulder to shoulder with Indian Diaspora on most topics. Then why this divide? My reasoning might not cut corners with many, but let me lay it out.
Urban India is full of aspiration and high hopes. People want Modi coz he has come up as a symbol of good administration. People feel he can relieve them of corruption and inflation.
Indian Diaspora, especially Indian Americans, is already living the Great India Dream. Their life is more or less shielded from corruption and inflation in India. Thus Modi’s appeal to them is limited. The sins of Godhra seem more prominent. They might feel at loss of words when civilized world questions them about the carnage. They feel better to go with the flow and side with the other and criticize him.
They are virtually forced to go hammer and tongs after him. Who cares about India’s development? Indian Diaspora is affluent, has lots of properties across India and is full stomach.
I am no Modi fan, but have to acknowledge that Urban/Semi-urban and of-late even Rural India has taken a liking to him. They think he can put some more food on their plate. They are ready to forget his old sins for their betterment.
Both sides can be called selfish. Well maybe that’s the common ground amidst the divide!
Sachin’s Jersey No. 10
I have seen re-runs of last moments of Mumbai Test a dozen times already. Sachin’s farewell speech, weeping stadium, lap of honor, Sachin taking pitch’s blessing. It has all been a bit surreal. Unfortunately like million others, I couldn’t procure the tickets to the stadium, and I am sure it will haunt me for lifetime.
What is it that takes Sachin head and shoulders above the rest? Why we say that there can be no other Sachin? Well it originates from being a one man army. Before Sachin, Indians just watched cricket. With the advent of Sachin, Indians watched cricket to win. Sachin’s popularity stems from knocks like Sandstorm, Chennai Test, Hero Cup last over and innumerable others. Sachin had already earned eternal space even before 2000’s.
Yes, it was the 90’s that made Sachin God. When the inept teammates used to abjectly surrender, Sachin was there to steer through to win. When major players around him were selling matches, Sachin was the one who took it upon himself to see India won. 2000’s was when India started reaping benefits of what Tendulkar sowed. A generation of cricketers came who has seen Sachin’s bravery and was modeled upon him. Since 2000 there have been many who did match Sachin but were all “after the fact”. None had the originality, charisma or longevity of Sachin.
Legends are born out of adversity. But for 17/5, would Kapil Dev’s knock be the same? But for fixing scandal and all time low for Indian cricket, would Ganguly’s captaincy be equally revered? But for knack of losing finals, would Dhoni’s calmness that won us number of series, be so much talked about?
Since balance needs to be maintained. Sometimes I think, But for inept teammates of 90’s, would Sachin be the same? I think, 10 on Sachin’s jersey stood for the 10 teammates whom Sachin had to carry on his back to take India to victory.
Sachin’s Fan(atic)’s
The unique thing about Sachin is that everyone has an opinion about him. Such has been his presence that no one is left untouched. Maybe be that’s why he is regarded to be God. Though Sachin himself has said, “I am no God. God don’t make mistakes. I do“.
There is a common thing about highly revered personalities. It is the barrage of fans. Be it Gandhi, Mandela, Bradman earlier, Or Obama, Modi, Sachin in today’s times. Each one have/had huge number of people who followed them and revered them.
We don’t realize when this fan-hood turns into devotion which turns into fanaticism. Just try saying anything against Gandhi, Modi, Sachin and you would understand what I mean. You would be ganged upon and berated and made to wish that God wouldn’t have given you a tongue in the first place.
Fans are earned by hard work. And such fanatic fans are earned by hard work over a long period of time. Sometime these fans tend to go overboard. They end up giving bad names to their Hero. Modi fans demanding scalp of anyone and everyone who say anything against him, are doing bad for his image. They just don’t get it. So are Sachin fans.
I remember a conversation with a Belgian who had read a lot about Gandhi and was a great fan. We started discussing about Gandhi’s personal life. I told him few things that I didn’t like in Gandhi’s personal life. This guy felt offended and saw a devil in me for saying so. He ended up saying few things to me which I am sure Gandhi would have never said himself.
Sachin is/was always open to criticism. This is what makes him a Hero. His fans on the other hand are not open to any criticism. It takes away some sheen off Sachin and reflects badly on him. Sachin himself hasn’t spoken ill of anybody. His fans should follow the same if they are his real fans.
BCCI and SA: Friendship Gone Wrong
Media reports concerning the divide between India and South Africa cricket boards have left me to wonder a thing of two about friendship. Ever since Gandhi happened, the two countries have remained close. Be it politics or cricket. What happened? How did things go sour?
Friendship is based on mutual trust and affection. I expect my friend to stand by me through thick and thin. I don’t expect my friend to judge me and side with the world to throw bricks at me. I expect my friend to be by my side, protecting me from those bricks. If my friend betrays me, the vengefulness is extreme.
I am not justifying either BCCI or SA cricket board. I am trying to find a reason what went wrong and how? It’s a known fact that Mr. Lorgat is not very much liked by BCCI. Just as SA board has every right to appoint him as its head, BCCI has every right not to like him. Once SA board sided with BCCI’s enemy, there was no going back. Would I like if my friend sides with the one who I share mistrust with? Wouldn’t I feel hurt?
As to the reasons for the mistrust between Mr. Lorgat and BCCI, I am no insider. But what has followed is the retribution. “Now you pay my friend for choosing my enemy over me”, seems to be the tone. Personally, I am not the one to hit back. I would simply severe all relations with this so called friend and move on with my life. But with cricket boards it’s not that simple. They have to deal with each other. So the best way is to confirm to the mandatory commitments and no go overboard.
BCCI is smart enough to know that. By shortening the time period of the tour, it is inching towards the minimum requirement of FTP (Future Tours Program) of the ICC, which I read is 2 Tests and 3 ODIs. Anything above that is for a friend. SA cricket board has to bear it for now. It too can reciprocate the same mandatory commitment when time comes.
Sad part is that a friendship of 20 years is in trouble and that my friend is not good.
Back Office in the West
Somewhere during the early ‘90s, everyone realized the immense potential of outsourcing industry. With telecom/data rates on the decline, we saw call centre, KPO, BPO, captive units grow rapidly, changing the lives of a whole generation and realizing the dreams of an entire country.
With jobs, money, prosperity; a slow cultural impregnation has also taken place. We never realized when 31st Dec became the be all and end all of cyclical culmination of celebration. We never realized when Diwali holidays became a rarity and Christmas holidays became a norm. Ladoo/Barfi gave way for Cakes; Jalebis became Donuts; Lassi became too heavy to handle and Coffee light.
All this happened in India coz the jobs coming in were from countries like US, UK etc. I wonder what would have happened if the jobs would have originated from India and Indian culture would have influenced countries around the world.
The light footprint of the world would have been dazzling, the Diwali Night. The next day of Holi, people around the world would have gone schools/colleges/office having tinges of pink/green color on their faces.
A certain person in NY would have woken to Aloo Paratha with butter for breakfast. Haldiram’s would be in place of MacD/Pizza Huts all around the globe. John would have taken his family for a Kachori/Jalebi outing and VadaPao would have been blamed for Indianisation of the west.
In a Hollywood movie Tom Cruise would have a father settled in riches of Mumbai. He would have taken the son to US to get him marry a white girl. A son hell bent on marrying some Priya from Chandigarh. How the Hollywood would have sung, “Come, it’s time to go back”. No Pankaj Udaas, but a certain Snoop Dog would have sung, “A letter from my country” and the American Diaspora would have wept the Nehru Centre.
Mr. Abe would be Shree Abe, or let’s go a step ahead, would have changed his name to Abhimanyu, just to fit in. Roger would have walked into a back office in the heart of London in Kurta Pajama and HR would have coached in how to wear a Pajama with perfect crease. There would have been Chai/Lassi/Thandai machines in the breakouts with a few Charpai thrown in to relax.
The VadaPao/Chola Bhatura joints in NY/London would be decorated with diya’s on Diwali’s eve and people would be discussing, Ram and Sita and the history. People in Italy would protest forceful conversion to Hinduism funded by RSS and would deliberate enacting anti-conversion laws.
Restaurants would be designed so as people would be seated on the floor and waiters serving them food. World economy would be centered in Mumbai with New Delhi bombing countries in South America for their religious extremism and their getting close to develop Nuclear weapon.
I am already ROFL. The potential to explore on this topic is immense but I would excuse myself now lest I think some more and go berserk.
Anna you betrayed us
Amidst the chant of “Bharat Mata ki Jai”, the atmosphere was all charged up. Patriotism was in vogue again. A huge crowd had gathered at the ground while million more stuck to their TV screens. All were living a force-fed dream. A dream of corruption free India. A dream that we can make a difference. A dream that we do matter.
We saw rebirth of a frail, thin leader. A fighter without arms. Not the demand for food, but the refusal of it shook the very foundations of the legislative of the biggest democracy of the world. We all stood in unison, we did what he said, and we followed wherever led.
As the days passed. One…Two…Three, the pressure started mounting. The health started deteriorating. People were anxious, government was worried. Not for his health but for the backlash, if something happened. More so coz the ideology of party in power was based on fast-unto-death. There seemed no way out.
Some back room negotiations ensued. A tainted ex-CM from financial capital was rushed to Delhi. Anna you agreed. Having been betrayed by Govt., time and again, you still acceded to the letter and promises as if you were just waiting to pounce upon. It’s tough for me to say, but Anna it would have been better if you had withered sitting on the fast. Alas! somewhere down the line, your fast-unto-death became wolf cries.
The corrupt politicians unclothed you in front of public. The cheer-haran was painful. I ask Why? Why did you fool us into disbelief if you were not ready to go the distance? I know it’s tough to give one’s life and I for one cannot. But why did you make false promises?
Your movement is in tatters. Our belief stands shaken. You sided with the limelight hungry, self proclaimed Guru to get the zing back into your campaign, but I am scared now. Scared to be betrayed again. Scared that I will be left again in the midst to fend myself off.
It would be tough for me to believe in another Anna. So long Hazare!
6 conditions rejected by Anna Hazare
Delhi Police imposed 22 conditions for peaceful protest by Anna Hazare. Last heard 6 out of 22 were rejected by Anna and his team. What these 6 conditions were had been kept under wraps. Yours truly found it out through well placed sources at US Embassy, who tends to know more on India, than India itself.
Conditions were as below:
1. At least 50 helicopters should be present at the Anshan site (Quick evacuation in case of bee attack).
2. 50 AC’s are mandatory. No one should suffer heat stroke coz of Dilli ki Garmi.
3. All the attendees must sign an undertaking that they hereby agree for nasbandi.
4. Attendees should give an undertaking that they will not urinate for the entire duration. Anyone found otherwise will be lynched.
5. Such fasts tend to get boring. So as nobody dies of boredom, performance by Lady Gaga is must. Pending her nod fast cannot go ahead.
6. People made to sit long hours can develop severe back pains. Arrangements should be made for back massage by professional masseuses.
According to our sources, Anna and his team were bummed out specifically by Lady Gaga condition. They tried to reason with her. But once she insisted to perform, they had no option but to back out.
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