That movie is bad. Why? The reviewer said so.
A: Which movie did you watch this weekend?
B: Singh is King.
A: Why did you watch such a bad movie?
B: Who told you it was bad? I found it entertaining.
A: Come on. It’s a silly movie. Waste of time and money.
B: And how you know all this. Have you seen this movie?
A: Oh no, I haven’t, but I read the review. The movie is going down.
B: How many reviews have you read?
A: I read a couple of reviews. They say the movie sucks.
B: So you only go see the movie if these 2-3 people like it.
A: Uh huh! These are not just people. These are the reviewers.
B: I was in the theatre. People were laughing all over.
A: Hey, you are just one of the people who like the silly movies which critics pan.
B: Do you know how much money the movie made?
A: Oh it would have been a flop.
B: My friend it was a super hit.
A: There are lot of stupid people like you who like such stupid Masala movies.
B: Tell me one thing. Since the movie was a hit, means a lot of people would have liked it, right?
A: Uh huh, most of the common people are stupid.
B: And the reviewer who has panned the movie is not stupid?
A: Not at all. He doesn’t like masala movies at all. He gives good reviews to off beat movies.
B: So you enjoy the off beat movies.
A: Uh huh, I don’t enjoy them if you be so specific. But they are good movies.
B: And what is a good movie for you, the ones that the reviewer says is good?
A: Oh no, its not so. You make it sound bad.
B: Ok, tell me what do we look for in the movie when we go watch?
A: It must be entertaining, for one.
B: Okay aren’t the so called masala movies entertaining?
A: Oh okay, if you put it that way.
B: So your reviewer gives bad review to the movie which is entertaining?
A: Not exactly. He let me know the good cinema from bad cinema.
B: But he panned the movie which everyone liked. You missed it just coz your reviewer said so.
A: Oh no, the movie would have been bad.
B: Let me put is this way. Your reviewer said movie is bad but most people enjoyed it, right?
A: Okay, yes. But people are stupid.
B: So these reviews are not for the common stupid people, right?
A: Uh huh, yes. Good cinema is understood only by people who know art and cinema.
B: So your reviewer writes for people who knows cinema?
A: Perhaps yes.
B: So common stupid people like me should not read such reviews when I go see the movie?
A: Oh, yes there would be no use. You are stupid.
B: And your reviewer is not?
A: Exactly!
B: But he is useless to most of the movie going junta?
A: Most of the junta is stupid.
B: And your reviewer is not.
A: Exactly!
फिर वो पुरानी याद आई
क्यों रह रह कर आते सपने,
उन पीर परायी रातों के,
क्यों होती है दिल में हलचल,
उन नई पुरानी बातों से,
क्यों जहन में अटकी हैं यादें,
जब गलियों की कच्ची सड़कें,
सावन में पक्की लगती थीं,
जब टूटी सायिकल की गद्दी,
मोटर से मुलायम लगती थी,
जब आंच पे पकती रोटी भी,
जायके में अव्वल लगती थी,
क्या दौर था वो, कुछ और था वो,
सुख चैन का बस सिरमौर था जो,
वो समां पुराना चला गया,
कुछ और देर तक रहता फिर,
मिल बैठ के बातें करते हम,
कोई रीत पुरानी गाता में,
कुछ गम मिल जुलकर करते कम|
मैदान में वो गिरना पड़ना,
हर बात पे बालक हठ करना,
जो हवा बनाई डींगे हांक,
सब अव्वल बैटिंग देते थे,
जो आड़े आया कोई सो,
अपने सुदबुध में ऐंठे थे,
जो पेड़ सुनहरा गुलमोहरी,
दिनभर हरिया बरसाता था,
वोह बेल हवा में टूट टूट,
और नीम का मस्ती लहराना,
क्या दौर था वो, कुछ और था वो,
सुख चैन का बस सिरमौर था जो,
वो समां पुराना चला गया,
कुछ और देर तक रहता फिर,
मिल बैठ के बातें करते हम,
कोई रीत पुरानी गाता में,
कुछ गम मिल जुलकर करते कम|
शादी का मौसम सुनते ही,
मुहँ में पानी का आ जाना,
ख्वाब में भी खुरचन लड्डू की,
आपस में कुश्ती करवाना,
और कचौड़ी पूड़ी से,
घी का टप टप रिसते जाना,
और नहीं, बस और नहीं,
एक और तो लो, तुम्हें मेरी कसम,
भाभी देवर का टकराना,
क्या दौर था वो, कुछ और था वो,
सुख चैन का बस सिरमौर था जो,
वो समां पुराना चला गया,
कुछ और देर तक रहता फिर,
मिल बैठ के बातें करते हम,
कोई रीत पुरानी गाता में,
कुछ गम मिल जुलकर करते कम|
बीमार था जब, सब याद है अब,
दादी ने नजर उतारी थी,
अलाएँ बालाएं सब टल जाएँ,
इस बात की दुआ पुकारी थी,
दीवाली में पूरे कुनबे का,
मिल जुलकर बाड़ा चमकाना,
कुछ दीपक से, कुछ बत्ती से,
सब ओर प्रकाश का टिम टाना,
सब बच्चों को नगदी मिलना,
बड़ों का आशीर्वाद कहलाता था,
एक सुई, एक धागे में,
सारा संसार पिर जाता था,
क्या दौर था वो, कुछ और था वो,
सुख चैन का बस सिरमौर था जो,
वो समां पुराना चला गया,
कुछ और देर तक रहता फिर,
मिल बैठ के बातें करते हम,
कोई रीत पुरानी गाता में,
कुछ गम मिल जुलकर करते कम|
हो गई पुरानी सब बातें,
यादें भी धुंधली हो हैं चली,
पर मन जाने क्यों अटका है,
कभी ना जाना, उसी गली,
कभी कभी एक आस जगे,
क्यों ना कल जब सो के उठें,
तो सुबह उन्हीं गलियों में हो,
रात उन्हीं अठखलियों से हो,
पर बीत चुका कब आया है,
बीते की याद ही आई है,
क्या दौर था वो, कुछ और था वो,
सुख चैन का बस सिरमौर था जो,
वो समां पुराना चला गया,
कुछ और देर तक रहता फिर,
मिल बैठ के बातें करते हम,
कोई रीत पुरानी गाता में,
कुछ गम मिल जुलकर करते कम|
Cult Movies: Down the memory lane
Cult movies is an altogether different phenomenon. Once in a while there comes a movie which is followed widely across the college campuses. You could see everyone humming the songs, enacting the dialogues and discussing it all over. They are not bound by the movie being a hit or a flop, good or bad. They are there on the merit of clicking with the youngistan, so to say. During my college days I came across a number of such cult movies, which were watched repeatedly, each time with as much excitement.
1. Rehna Hai Tere Dil Mein: It was released during my school days. I remember everyone going, “Maddy..Maddy” The tiffs between Saif and Madhavan were legendary. The ever cute Reena Malhotra and the innocent and lovable Madhav Shastri were a treat to watch. When the car stopped in the middle of the night and Madhavan tried to explain to Dia, what was really on his mind. Superb. I came to know more about its cult status when I came to college. Regardless of it not being a hit, it was loved by one and all. At least across the colleges.
2. Haasil: Another of such movie which made a huge impact on an entire generation. One which made Irfan Khan a household name when he went like, “Kya Bhaiyya…pehchante ho na humein?” It went on to become a dialogue which replaced the hi’s n hello’s The arrogance of Ranvijay Singh, the politics of Gauri Shanker and the innocence of Aniruddha. A Gem. I don’t remember how many times have I watched this movie with my friends. What I remember is lip-synching each and every dialogue, having learned it by heart. “Vaayu ko ulta karte ho to kya banta hai? Yuva”, “Bolo Jai Bharat” and million of such superb dialogues is what made Haasil. A realistic account of college politics which struck the cord with the college Junta.
3. Gunda: This movie followed the theory that number line is circular, –∞ and +∞ do meet, just as -1 and +1 meet at 0. This movie was so bad that it became a favorite of millions. Every dialogue was like a short poetry and Kanti Shah knew how to make them lewd. “Mera naam hai bulla, main rakhta hoon kullaaa”, became an introductory dialogue. There were blog sites dedicated to Gunda. There were discussions as to the sequence of various scenes in the movie. The blogs that were initially started as satire helped in propelling the movie to the cult status. Did Shankar worked as a Coolie at the airport still remains one of the very many unanswered questions. There was even a bid to make it the highest ranked movie on imdb. It still has a respectable 8.4 rating despite an effort of sabotage. Thanks to the Gunda fans.
4. Dev. D: This recent take on Devdas, is what made me write this article. Will it become a cult movie? Now that I am no longer in college, I would never really know. But it seems to have all the ingredients. First of all the songs are bound to become the theme of every daaru party. The dialogues are superb too. “Jaa ke chad apne buddhe pe”, “Tumhein tumhari aukaat bata rahi hoon” and other such dialogues would easily find their place in the life of college going junta. Also there is no dearth of Dev’s and Paro’s. Going by the superb story, acting and direction, I have no doubt that it would be the next cult movie. I so miss to be in college right now!
Indian National Congress Hand: The Origin
Listening to the interim budget on television, my mind diverted from Pranab Mukherjee to Congress to its election symbol, the Hand. 15 minutes or so of googling and a coke later, I was still not able to find any definite story behind the Indian national congress election symbol. This led me to use my brain and come out with truth. Here it is. As transparent as it could be.
Hand covering the tri colours stood then for the coming unassuming reign of INC, in that sense Indira after the split of Congress.
Where have you seen this hand so prominently? What else could you relate with this? Guessed right. Budhha.
So is the INC hand, Buddha’s hand. Was Congress after the split based on the principles of Buddha. Was Buddha in any way the originator of the idea of Congress. Did Indira anticipated that like Buddha left the palace, Congress would have to leave Delhi, ousted by Janta Party in near future.
See the composure of the hand. It seems relaxed. It seems preaching. It seems, yes, in Aashirwaad (blessing) mode.
Is a father blessing his son. Or is it motherly compassion.
Or is it the divine blessing via Congress to the people of India? Probably.
Is it the bribing hand. Given the rampant corruption, it might be a message from the future, hinting at the coming corruption and an era of bribes.
During the emergency, was this a slap on the face of the voters. The public.
And Junta was left to do nothing but slap its own head with its hand.
During election campaign 2004-05, this was projected as a helping hand to the poor people.
Now whether the public felt it later as a pickpocket hand is a question to reckon.
I read that during the last general elections, the palm lines were changes in accordance with a palmist. So it may be a palm which carries future of the country concealed in the palm lines. Hope it be the truth.
The journey was jinxed! Not entirely my fault.
Blank Blank Blank. Tring!!! Tring!!! A pain burst across the head. What was the time? It has been just half an hour since I slept. Who could it be?
Me: Yes?
Caller: “@#$%^!!! what day is today?”
Me: Such a stupid question! “Why, I asked?”
Caller: “Today is 2nd Feb and you @#$%^!!! booked my ticket for 2nd of March. I am stranded like a fool at the airport.”
I came back to senses. What angered him more was that I burst into laughter. Dude, your journey was jinxed, not entirely my fault. I broke into laughter yet again. Let me give you some insight as to what happened earlier to understand my point.
The friend of mine in question was supposed to travel from Pune to his hometown. And since he is my school mate, my hometown as well. He booked train ticket for Friday afternoon. On reaching the station he found the train to be late by 6 hours. Indulging himself with the usual gallivanting, he came back to the station at night. Still late! When he finally boarded the train, it was running good 7 hours late. Hardly 10 minutes and the train came to a halt. It was a station at the outer. 10-15-30-45 minutes passed. His patience was running out. He caught hold of a pantry worker. “Sahib, the train will eventually be 12-13 hrs late“. He decided to call it a day. He was on phone with me when he got off. The train started off with a whistle just as he reached the station exit. Dude you made Jab We Met 2. Having nothing to do and getting a bit frustrated, he decided to travel to Mumbai on his bike. “Are you insane, it is 11 in the night and you have to travel whole 140 kms?” I am traveling was the reply.
I want to tell you that traveling at night is not safe even for a youngster on bike. The security checks would suck your pockets dry. On top of it, if your vehicle bears an outstation number, you are on your own. Street smart that he is, he reached Mumbai in record time nevertheless. He was so exhausted that he dreaded his decision to bike to Mumbai and was at wits end, how would he return?
A friend of mine from college had joined us too. I would spare you the details of the party that night. Next day I had to attend to some urgent work at office so I left them both at the house for around 2-3 hours. They called me at office that they have planned to leave for their respective home towns and since I have net accessibility at office, if possible to book their flights. There was some confusion and I ended up booking, a return ticket for my college friend and two tickets (going and return) for my school friend. Mumbai-Delhi-Mumbai. Their flight was to depart Monday morning. 6:45. They left at 5 am. I decided to retire into sweet-sweet sleep. Blank Blank Blank. Tring!!! Tring!!!
It turned out; I had booked 2nd -7th Feb for my college friend, but 2nd March and 7th Feb for the school friend. He got the ticket canceled, booked another one and ended up paying 50% more.
To begin with, his train got delayed. No sooner had he got off the train than it started again. He biked all the way to Mumbai fully exhausted, harassed at various checks. If these weren’t the signs, what are? Paulo Coelho would have written a book on this had he not written The Alchemist, so prominent were the signs. My plea is, what I did was not a mistake but the eventuality of various signs. The journey was jinxed. Not entirely my fault!
Slumdog: An air of million criticism
A lot has been written and discussed about Slumdog Millionaire. Much like the Obama wave it seems engulfing us all.
From the day it was nominated for the Golden Globe there have been extreme views. So much so that a war seems waged between the for and the against. The criticism more or less seems to follow two schools of thought discussed below.
First one rues the exploitation of poor India for money by the west. More like the East India Company reloaded. Westerners have been accused to revel at the mockery of Indian poverty. As Arindam Chaudhary writes, “Slumdog is a phony poseur that has been made only to mock India for the viewing pleasure of the First World”. The naked poverty of India might be self pleasing to the people of the West, given the time of depression. According to Amitabh Bacchan such underbellies do exist even in the developed nations. This is just a Western production and hence the recognition. These people have launched an offense against the team of the movie, western media and finally the whole of the western world.
The other school of thought is pretty much the same as far as the murky portrayal of Mumbai is concerned. The difference lies in how they are affected. People are worried about the answers they would need to give and ridicule they would be subjected to when they travel abroad the next time. As Preity Zinta says, “Now for the next 10 years of my life every time I travel abroad, I will be told, Oh, you live in Mumbai…where they gouge out eyes in the slums.”
One point missing here is, Does anybody care about the poverty and feel for the slum dwellers? Or it’s just the poverty in limelight which is itching the eyes. At first the movie was applauded. Then the criticism followed. Then there was criticism of the people criticizing the movie. “Isn’t that (poverty and slums) a reality”, says Shahrukh Khan. It would not be long when there would be people who would criticize the people criticizing who criticized the movie. Now, how much of criticism would that be!
Confusingly Chaotic
During the college farewell, a batch mate of mine asked, “So, where do you see yourself, 10 years from now?” I did what I do best, excuse myself with the sheepish smile. I never had to answer myself this question before. I mean I did schooling coz everybody do. There was no vision or so called planning that went into it. I went for JEE coz that’s what was “the hottest” at the given time. I opted for Computers for no other reason.
I remember a discussion with friends over dinner, “Why they opted for the particular engineering stream?” For most of them the criteria was Rank. I mean come ‘on, if 80 out of top 100 rankers (and more) are opting for Computer Science, that doesn’t mean all of them have such deep interest in it that they would have perished without it Or that the ones who didn’t get it were never interested in it. So let’s get one thing into perspective. What your interests are doesn’t matter during the cut throat competition in a developing world.
I took the job hoping to rise up the ladder along the normal path. As it was about to happen, the elastic snapped. The economic bubble burst and the condition of uncertainty in jobs might have led to the current thought process. Did I really want to be a software developer when I grew up? Was that my dream? If no then am I doing what I never wanted to, 5 days a week 9 hours a day, just to enjoy the weekends of my life. Has my life contracted to mere weekends?
This takes me back to the concept of civilized living. When was the concept of “work” proposed? Who proposed it? Why we followed it? We live on a spherical ball, don’t know where are we coming from, don’t know what’s inside the sphere, what’s outside the view. Just going on working through the week to enjoy the weekends. Working through our youth to enjoy the old age. Something doesn’t seem right. The concept seems flawed. It’s too mechanic, too un-human.
Maybe it’s this mechanics in our life that lead us to a peaceful timely death. Or the chaos would have had us much before.
Hangovers!
You wake up in the morning expecting a fresh new day. Bright sunlight, marking the end of the past and a new path to the future. “Something doesn’t feel right”, you think. The head feels heavier than before followed by a flash of head ache. The nausea and the semi-vomit stage follows. You try to get the things into perspective. Where am I? Home, great! Where was I last night? Oh! Yes, I was dancing in the pub with friends. She dance real well…hmmm… A smile flashes across your face. Then the tough one! How did I get back home? No matter how hard you try, the answer doesn’t seem coming. The head spins faster. You rush to drink water. Had better done that last night after the party. Where is the lemon? Get me a Disprin. Let me try vomiting. How happy was I last night, dancing, partying, fooling around. Hangovers are really bad!
Why fear when Obama is here
Obama! Obama! Obama! This man has been all over for a good two years now. Be it television, news papers or just the talk round the corner. It seems as if no one has anything better to do. Obama keeps a Hanuman with him, Obama lived in Pakistan, Obama has a brother in Africa. Obama this, Obama that. I am simply fed up.
Our national news channels have portrayed Obama as the savior of mankind. As if he is not just the President of United States but of the entire world. Everyone loves Obama talk, his vision, his speech and his charisma. Obama is being seen as once and for all solution to the problems of one and all. So much so that a kid in my locality is quite sure of getting good marks in exams this year now that Obama is the President of US. My colleagues at office, who till now were weary of the financial depression, are looking up. Its like, “Why fear when Obama is here”.
A news channel went as far as comparing Dhoni with Obama. Apparently they both share a desire to win, flamboyancy and a never say die attitude. It went further to comment that both Dhoni and Obama looked similar when in white clothes. It looks as if everyone is enjoying his own bit of Obama. There was a discussion that the “New Leader”, predicted by Nostradamus, has arrived in the name of Obama. I have had it from this Nostradamus guy. Every year the book fattens. Can somebody please decipher what he predicted earlier than when it actually happens?
I sincerely hope, now that he has become the President, he would be busier in running the nation and we would be spared, him all the time on television. I read his book, “The Audacity of Hope”. Regardless of my being fed up with his face, I really liked the guy. I mean it really require some guts to joke about the rhyming of one’s name with Osama. He himself writes that people considered his political career all but over when the two planes crashed into the twin towers. Let me add something to all the hoopla surrounding Obama. I really admired the honesty in his writings, just like the one which was found in My Experiments with Truth and one which seemed missing in the recent writings from senior political leaders.
Botha, Who? SA captain. Again, Who?
A: Who is the guy bowling?
B: Johan Botha.
A: Johan who?
B: Captain of South Africa.
A: Again, who?
During the ongoing ODI series involving Aussies and SA, I was really confused seeing Johan Botha. Where did he come from? How did I miss him earlier? Why have I never heard about him as a player? I scanned my brain for some match winning performance, some feat. Nothing! I cricinfoed his profile to find more about him. Nothing! Tried google. Nothing!
One can easily remember the name of South African spinners, simply coz there haven’t been many. Pat Symcox, Nicky Boje, Paul Adams and the most recent Paul Harris. Where did I miss Botha. Not just the lone spinner but the captain too! A recent article in this regard presented an interesting view. Botha was chosen to bring inspiration to the team in Smith’s absence. What inspiration was the author taking about? Apparently he had been called for his bowling action in the past. The way he handled the situation and came back to the team would prove inspirational and what the players could look up to.
Great! Now players like Kallis, Gibbs, Boucher, Amla would look up to an ex-chucker for inspiration! This is not even a reason. So why was he made captain? A captain, who is not even a selection in the Test team.
Selectors might be repeating their Experiment Smith. They threw in Smith very early into captaincy and look how well he fared. Maybe that’s the thought. Again, Smith averaged 55 in whatever few Tests he had played by then. Botha’s batting avg of 18 and bowling average of 40 don’t even come close. A couple of failures and he would be running from pillar to post for his place in the team, leave aside captaincy.
There should be something more to it. Given Smith’s envious record as a captain and as a player, South African cricket board might be looking just for a stop gap arrangement. Who the captain is as the filler don’t even matter. Again, why Botha?
We might want to have a look around. Marred by power struggles within the team, cricket round the world has suffered a lot. England, West Indies, Pakistan, India. All. SA has been insulated from it for a while now, barring a few hiccups. Selectors might not want to create poles within the team by giving a senior member the captaincy, who might be reluctant to relinquish it later. Look what happened to England post Ashes ’05. Why not select a younger player who is not even sure of his place. Keep him the captain for a series or two, till Smith is back. He can even be disposed off easily, if the plan backfires. This would keep Smith the sole power center within the team. Thus, tactfully avoiding ego clashes among the senior players.
Selectors might be giving an excuse of grooming the captain for the future. Our worry is, Mr. Botha might even not have one as a player!
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