Archive for the ‘General/Society’ Category
Happiness is Strange
To be honest I have had my fair share of happiness in life. Still it remains one such emotion which I have not been able to comprehend; at least the reaction to it has been an enigma to me.
Emotions and facial expressions follow each other. Sadness make the face look gloomy; fighting hard to not let the tears out, we can see lines on the face; during anger, the tension on the forehead can be detected.
But when it comes to happiness, people deal with it in their own strange ways.
Excitement: One jumps up and down. Runs around. May be to attract attention and let others know about the happiness. Or to get exhausted with all the physical exercise so as to die the excitement down.
Mona Lisa: Simple smile. Blood rushes to the cheeks making them pink. The face is beaming.
Laugh-out-Loud: This facebook lingo is something which a lot of people actually practice. Sudden bout of happiness. A joke perhaps. Little force on a small surface creates extreme pressure. Similarly a sudden happiness may create hysterical laughter.
High Fives: Joy of victory. High fives, fists thrown up and down. This is a happiness of accomplishment. Win a war, win a game. Your face shows determination. Your face might not have a smile, but you are happy within.
Peace: The face shows relief. You are happy to achieve something after a lasting struggle. Happy that that the struggle is over. After an exhaustive soccer match ending in a tie. Soldier who has been on warfront from a long time, on hearing of the truce.
Tears: Here is where it gets murky. People cry when happy. How often we seen people crying on receiving an award? This pertains to getting our due after a huge effort. Tears of happiness. Strange. Isn’t it?
Walking Genius
There are times in life when we end up making fool of ourselves. One such incident happened to me lately. Made an a** of myself. I realized I am not alone. People like me walk among us. I would like to pay my respects to some such pals of mine.
PSO Padam Singh
Personal Security Officer of UP CM Mayawati, Padam Singh, bent down and wiped her dusty shoes. “I just noticed the dust on her shoes. I follow Clean India Green India campaign and wiped of the dust. What wrong have I done?”
Muammar Gaddafi
“They love me. All my people are with me. They love me all. They would die to protect me”, Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi gloated, laughing off international pressure to step down. When questioned as to how can he laugh it of, while he is slaughtering his own people, Gaddafi said, “I am just a happy person. I laugh all the time. More so since I started watching FRIENDS. Long live America!”.
S M Krishna
External Affairs Minister SM Krishna accidentally read out the Portuguese Foreign Minister’s speech at the UN.
“There was nothing wrong in it, I was just trying to learn some Portuguese”, clarified Krishna. A headline read, “Dear Krishna, all is forgiven. Don’t catch the wrong flight.”
Ratnakar Shetty
When asked whether it was unfair that only 4000 tickets would be sold to public for a game as important as the World Cup final, Shetty said the members of the clubs are also part of the “public” and so he disagrees that public is not getting any tickets.
Speechless! Well species like these are found in trio’s, lest they hurt themselves.
Haroon Lorgat
Some miscreants stoned WI team bus after Bangladesh’s shameful defeat. ICC CEO Haroon Lorgat played down the incident, calling it ‘minor’, pointing out that few individuals had thrown pebbles at the bus. This left WI team manager furious.
Bangladesh’s Cricket Board left the world further puzzled when it added that people mistook WI team bus to be Bangladesh team bus. They walk among us!
Hillary Clinton/Obama
US President Barack Obama pressurized Pakistan to treat Raymond Davis, who allegedly shot dead two men in Lahore, as a diplomat and release him. US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton reportedly “forced” Pakistan to confirm the diplomatic immunity for Davis while threatening to withdraw the $1.5 billion aid.
“Life of a US citizen with per capita $48000 is way more than that of two Pakistanis with per capita $1000. It’s pure statistics”, asserted Hilary while greeting Davis back home.
Manoj Tiwari BB
Fuming over his eviction from the ‘Bigg Boss’ house, Bhojpuri star Manoj Tiwari hit back at Salman Khan and his brother Arbaaz Khan for ‘scripting’ his eviction from the controversial reality show as a part of larger ‘conspiracy’ against Bhojpuri actors
Manoj Tiwari Fan Club president Manish Kumar, along with a bunch of followers protested against Tiwari’s eviction, claiming that ‘Bigg Boss’ ‘insulted’ the 26-crore Bhojpuri community.
Your’s Truly
Incident With-hold
The Day the Earth stood still
1996 was year that marked my generations tryst with cricket. Kirsten’s 188; Jayasurya’s revelations; Indo/Pak Q/F; the Eden heartbreak. It was a roller coaster ride of emotions. It had all, save the Heroic ending. The script seemed flawed; a job left unfinished.
Post ’98 Sharjah exploits, the team fell apart under the match fixing allegations. We were no longer a force in the world cricket. Two of the most controversial figures of Indian cricketing history the Raja and the Senapati fell and gave way to yet another controversial figure of all times. Though his were the controversies we took pride in.
Eden curse was cured by a Lanky personality who gave us reasons to be proud of. The high moon, the tide, the ebbs, the flows all became but adjectives when the cricketing history was re-written. A giant was born. The journey culminated in Jo ’burg when the mighty batting lineup was but a step away from laying its claim.
Albeit, that was not to be. Undone by a legend from down under, it paved way to of one of the most hate-filled cricketing rivalry. The Sydney fiasco was just waiting to happen. It turned out to be the Pearl Harbor of Indian cricket. We have never looked back since. The zeal, the aggression, the will has never been higher. Post 3 IPL’s, high dose of Indo-SL matches and a resurrection of The God of Cricket, it’s time to cross the final hurdle.
The SF match between Indo-Pak, was the most anticipated and followed match in the history of cricket. Everything was to its maximum. Imagine anti-aircraft guns around the stadium! I travelled from Mumbai to Pune to celebrate the festival with friends. With Holi/Diwali/Ganesh Pooja being celebrated with varying vigor across the country, the festival of cricket is the only one which whole nation celebrates equally.
The scenes I saw in Pune were unparalleled. The roads were jammed post the win. I could see thousands of bikes/cars/tempo/buses parading round the city. Flags/colors/sweets aplenty. The whole city was one. It was the day for no hatred.
On field/off field the camaraderie between the two nations was a sight to behold. The old sins were washed off. The 26/11 seemed a distant memory. One match turned the hostile relations between two nations onto its head, into Aman Ki Fuhaar.
My feet were trembling and emotions flowing unrestrained. It was day when 1/5th of humanity gasped in unison, It was a day when the Earth stood still.
An Ode to Girls: Eat Pao not Bhao
“Nahin yaar kal time nahin hai. Some other time”, she would say over the phone. And then giggle away to her friend. “Thoda bhaav khana zaroori hai. Dekh ab kaise peeche peeche aata hai”.
This is the fundamental problems with girls that I never have been comfortable with. This might work with the vella guys who have no work and are just fishing around. With guys who have a professional life and that to a busy one, such tactics are bound to backfire.
There have to be an equal participation in a relationship even to start it off. Working guys have very less time during weekdays and sometimes weekends are busy too. So if you squander away the meeting just for the fun of it, to entice him, to tease him. There might not be a second one. Life moves on and so would he.
If you feel interested in him, there is no point squandering the meeting. If you want to play ‘hard to get’, there are other tactics to apply. Make him wait at the dinner. Guys have no problem in waiting, even for hours. They would never complain; you would find them sipping coffee and happy when you finally arrive. You can take calls a number of times when with him. You can seem disinterested in all the crap that he is shooting off. That’s all fine.
The bottom line is you have to be there. For most of the guys, out of sight is out of mind. The phone calls, the messages, are fine up to some time. After that it gives a feeling that you are too hard to get and if the guy has his work too in mind, he will wither away. Chase how much you might then, it would be of no help.
So if you find a guy for whom you feel positive vibes and butterflies. It’s better not to play too hard. Spend time together. Be there in sight. Coz obviously if you think he is not up to, you can any day break it off.
हुआ मनुष्य लाचार क्यों आखिर
डरता हूँ मैं, डरता क्यों हूँ?
हर पल मैं आखिर मरता क्यों हूँ?
ऐसी कौन सी गली मैं मुडा,
राह सभी बे-राह हुई जो|
पीता जब हूँ, रब दिखता है,
परदे के पीछे सब दिखता है,
काल-चक्र का उल्टा चलता,
सभी सफलता, लगी विफलता|
डर-डर के जीवन, जीता हूँ में,
गम का सागर पीता हूँ में,
इस माहौल में और नहीं अब,
“एक दिन आएगा”, आएगा कब?
रो-रो के जीवन, जहन न होती,
दर-दर की ठोकर, सहन न होती,
हूँ मैं बेबस, जज्बात लदे हैं,
कुछ कर जाता, हाथ बंधे हैं|
हुआ ये कैसे, मनुष्य लाचार
मुझे पता ना, पता है तुमको?
Gang Bangers
I could not find any other title suitable to this post however coarse it may sound.
Supreme Court of India struck down the appointment of CVC PJ Thomas recently. Not just the judgment but the case in itself turned out to be a landmark one. It dealt with how to measure the integrity of a person; How the Govt. machinery can be misused to appoint personal beneficiaries to the autonomous constitutional authorities. In fact of late several murky deals from the power corridors of Delhi stood exposed bringing to light the best keep secrets of the India that is corrupt.
“28.3% MP’s have serious charges against them”, Thomas contested in court. Why was only he being unfairly targeted? I must say, I found his plea quite sound. Similar was the defense of Mr. Suresh Kalmadi. “Why don’t you question Delhi CM and Central Sports Minister? They were party to all decisions”.
Why am I alone being charged Sir, it was after all a Gang Bang.
What Thomas and Kalmadi did was a classic case of blackmailing. While Thomas pressurized legislative to support him or stand exposed, Kalmadi took his chances with Delhi CM and Central Sports Minister.
Without going into the good bad and ugly of Adarsh, CWG and 2G scam the thing that stuck me most was the collaborated loot of public money. Had this collaboration been shown in organizing CWG, it would have done some good to brand India. It’s like everyone is ganging up to plunder this country.
Having had rendezvous with functioning of bureaucracy up close, I must admit it would have been hard for Kalmadi to organize CWG without placating other authorities; difficult for Raja to remain Minister without collaborating in loot; and impossible for Chavan to survive without participating in the plunder.
In fact we are no longer averse to bribe and corruption. It’s a way of life. People teach their kids how to bribe without getting caught. “Sir, aap jaisa bolenge waisa ho jaayega”, beta aisa bolna, aadmi apne aap samajh jaayega.
It’s not just the big names which are ganging up; we too are part of the mob that is looting and plundering our nation. We are the Gang Bangers.
Sachin Tendulkar: Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO
With Cricket World Cup played in India this time, CBI tried its level best to nab the betting mafia across the country. They raided many places, intercepted a number of calls, rounded up various persons.
In due course of their investigation they tumbled upon a secret. A secret so explosive, it had the potential to rock the very foundations of cricket. CBI sought help of Colin Powel who was able to sniff Biological Weapons of Mass Destructions (WMD’s) in Iraq even before they were made. “He can sniff into the future”, said a source.
Powell’s sniffing powers were used to sniff out the truth which caused sniffing problems to the CBI sniffers. How sniffy!
I somehow got hold of For Eyes Only report submitted to the CBI by Powell. Being an ardent fan of Wikileaks, I can’t hold but leak it over on you guys. The truth being,
Sachin Tendulkar is not human. He is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine
from DRDO (Defence Research and Development Organisation)
The Fact Finding Closure Report
on
The secret that caused sniffing problems to the CBI
Object:
Sniff out the truth about Sachin being Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO.
Findings:
When CBI first called me, I was sniffing Hamburgers in my sleep. Turned out I had some extra the night before. Anyways, I have been on the job from day one. My findings are based on observations, proofs and witnesses below.
1. Twin Bat Theory
Sachin uses Not One but Two Bats simultaneously. It is just not possible for a human to use Two Bats. As an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO, only Sachin has such a power. The other bat being invisible we are not able to see it from naked eyes. Hot Spot might be able to intercept it, hence Sachin has opposed UDRS. CBI used military grade technology to get the pictorial evidence. Look closely.
2. Sachin can inflate/deflate himself
This came as a shock even to CBI. Kudos to DRDO! It’s very tough to infuse inflation/deflation power in a machine. In fact very few super heroes have such a power. He uses the scientific fact that air has weight. He inflates his right arm with air and generates huge power to play master strokes.
3. Multiple Sachin
There are multiple Sachin roaming around. No two consecutive matches are played by same Sachin. This gives time to rectify any wear and tear which leads to consistency. Evidence has been provided by a dysfunctional prototype of the same generation known as Vinod Kambli who was created along with Sachin.
4. Project Sachin was commissioned two years before the first World Cup
Investigators have found out that Project Sachin was started way back in 1973 in a bid to win the inaugural World Cup. Like everything else in India, it got delayed too. On when to retire Sachin, a prominent scientist associated with the project told us on the promise of anonymity, “We can’t stop it. It’s out of our hands. It won’t stop till it fulfills its target of winning the World Cup. It’s designed that way. Don’t you get it?”
5. Sachin is Ambidextrous
Like all other machines, Sachin is ambidextrous. He has tried to keep it hidden from public but we are not the ones to be fooled. He writes with his left hand, Cuts cake with right hand, bats with right hand. A perfect machine!
He can even bowl from one hand and bat from the other simultaneously.
6. Anatomically Speaking
Sachin’s Infra-Red imaging and its subsequent studies have revealed that he is not human; definitely a machine. Look closely at the curves, the joints and the posture; the ligament, the tissue and the liver; the heart, the head and the toe and tell me that he looks Human.
7. Induction in Air Force
Give the shortage of pilots, Sachin has been inducted into the Indian Air Force. They made it to look like an honorary post. It’s far from truth. It is said that Sachin can convert his body into a fighter jet just like Tranformers and IAF will reach invincible levels post his induction.
8. He lives in shell shaped chamber
Sachin lives in a shell shaped chamber. He is not designed to stay in a normal house. He wanted the new house to be built like a shell but has to reject the idea coz media got hold of it. Here is what the house would have looked had it been build. Similar is the shape of the chamber inside his house in which he resides.
9. The record speaks for itself
If all this proof if not enough, just look at his batting records. Don’t tell me you think a human can play for so long and create such records. While we are sure Don Bradman was an alien, Sachin indeed is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO.
10. Testimony Down Under
Ricky Ponting and Greg Chappell have stated on record that Sachin indeed is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO, that they have no doubt whatsoever.
“I tried sniffing, licking and eating Sachin’s bat in order to get some DNA proof, but never found any, thereby confirming that he is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO and thus have no DNA at all for me to lick”, said Ponting.
Greg Chappell said, “I never wanted Sachin to open the batting and suggested him to retire coz I always had my doubts about him being human. He confessed to me once that he indeed is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO and that he uses Two Bats. He even showed me how. He then injected some serum into my neck and I forgot all about it, until now when everything is coming back to me.
Deduction:
My sniffometer says that Sachin indeed is an Ultimate Experimental Thrashing Machine from DRDO. My recommendation is to invade Iraq.
Sumbitted by:
Colin Powell
One man sniffing machine
The Sex called Fairer
Have you ever wondered why females are called the fairer sex? What is the origin and meaning of the word fairer here? I have always wondered but given the attraction towards women, I never had any problem in calling them fairer. Never had inkling to doubt it for a second, lest I should earn their wrath. Well that’s fine for me given that I once surrendered the whole of Arunachal Pradesh to a Chinese girl. But I know you sons of the soil would not sit still, till you have un-earthed the reason. So here’s it for you.
There are numerous explanations floating around, given that the phrase is quite old and with time people tend to make their own theories.
First Men found women more attractive as compared to other men. They were more pleasant to look at. Fairer here was used as a tool for flattery. The croaking of the frogs! Simply put, women are prettier than men. I agree.
Second Wealthy European women used to remain indoors, avoid sun and thus remained pale. Their skin color was of a light hue and not dark. The fair color, over the working females, showed their wealth and prosperity.
Third It is a sexist term. With the division of sexes between male and female, various properties came to be associated with each. When men were considered “the better” and “the sterner” sex; women were “the fairer”, “the gentler” and “the softener” sex. Thus fairer differentiated women from hard-working, rugged, tough, dirty, hairy men.
Given this explanation it’s rather surprising how the sexist words of the old have found respectable places into our modern and rather tolerant society. There’s a contention here too. According to a research, women were far more involved in the atrocities committed during the Holocaust than previously thought. A doubt has been raised about them being really fair.
Fourth There’s an interesting anthropological angle to this. Girls are fairer haired after puberty than boys, hence the usage. Though I am not too sure about it personally.
Fifth Girls are better than men in taking ethical decisions given that they are “fairer” in their choices. Well, I will let the readers decide on this one!
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