Archive for the ‘General/Society’ Category
The IPL Team that wasn’t
IPL auctions, held recently grabbed everyone’s attention. With millions of dollars floating around, it turned out to be a landmark event. Not everyone seemed happy though. Some politicians were enraged by the amount of wealth at display. “It’s pathetic”, said one. Its gross” said another. “Why were we left out from earning the moolah. It’s wrong”. “Let’s form a team and enter the IPL. Let’s rename it the Indian Political League”, came one suggestion. “Yes, let’s do it”, they gave a Spartan cry. We will show who the real boss is when it comes to earning monies.
“From next time on Mr. A. Raja will be the auctioneer given his huge experience with 2G auctions”, they passed a resolution. “All those who want to bid for someone at a cheaper cost, pay me 20%, I will bring down the hammer. I am the 1st, 2nd and the third umpire”, Raja promised. Point well taken!
The team was called, “Indian Commoners”, given the “aam aadmi” thing is in vogue. The team is as below.
1. Suresh Kalmadi: The way he accumulates money, he can accumulate lots of runs. His tendency to generate money out of nowhere is seen as his ability to get wickets out of nowhere. He is a genuine all rounder. He can even keep the umpires happy, if you know what I mean. He never hogs the limelight. Always owes it to teamwork.
2. Sharad Pawar: The Maratha pride. He is a bit lethargic in field. Takes time to move; needs a little push sometimes. But with him on the side, the team can make records, given his habit to make records of prices of onion and sugar. He does not care much about win or a loss. Cool as a cucumber. After all he is not a jyotishi.
3. RR Patil: A master planner. Sometimes caught off guard, when the opposite team strikes. To him even a huge loss does not matter. After all such small things happen. He is like a phoenix, rise from the ashes. The only thing that goes against him is his evident dislike for cheer leaders.
4. Mamata Banerjee: Bound to appeal a lot on the ground. Ei No Cholbe, Ei no Cholbe. Will sit on hunger strike if umpire does no give favorable decisions. Batting and Bowling will be on track with her in the team, well almost.
5. Sheila Dixit: Hell of a worker. Can make 200 in just 2 over’s when time comes. Though old age affects her memory a bit and she keeps forgetting things, considered a long innings player. Is well regarded for her mystic youth.
6. B. S. Yeddyurappa: With him, we will have our grounds to practice and play on. Whatever pitch/land/conditions we want to practice on, he will grab it and will make it available for us. Also he will cry when caught, so umpire will not give him out. He likes to keep himself in shape too. He respects the coach a lot.
7. M. K Alagiri (Karunanidhi’s son): He will hardly be present during the match but during the pre and post ceremonies, he will be there to complain that he is never given a chance to perform. Such spirit!
8. Nitin Gadkari: Will sit on the opposition and kill them. He is dealer and so is easy to deal with. Will keep asking for a wicket from the umpire. He will not let the match go on and may do a walkout, till his request is acceded to. His motto is “Eat and let Eat”, and eats up the wickets of the opposite team.
9. Narendra Modi: Tried his hand at umpiring. Took no decision and the two teams came to blows. Want to enter this time round as the player. The team is bound to win, err…only the home matches perhaps.
10. Rahul Gandhi: Likes to play test matches, slow and in whites. So that might be show-stopper. But has a fan following among elite youths (where the money is), so might be able to bring in sponsors. Also is young. Invest in future.
11. Manish Tiwari: His team is the reigning champion and he never misses a chance to be smug about it. He will murder anyone who says anything against his team. Such is his loyalty. Don’t need to know the context. All he knows is defense. He is the Wall. He can take on one, two or even three bowlers at the same time.
12. Jagan Reddy (12th man): He is a good fielder and practices a lot. Be it ‘Odarpu Yatra’. He has a lot of female fan following too. Charming! The flip side is that he will not play unless made the Captain. He will make a new team from the breakaway players if he is refused the Captain cap.
13. Sourav Ganguly: Pissed at his exclusion in the IPL, he gave his name for Indian Commoners. Unsold here too. Left has told they will find a role for him and no team in India is possible without him.
I Killed Jessica: Witness No. 301
Recently a movie on the infamous Jessica Lal murder case was released. It brought the memories and related stories back into the news. The movie was called, “No one killed Jessica” referring to around 300 witnesses turning hostile. I beg to differ; I confess I killed Jessica. I, a part of the system that led to the near miscarriage of Justice, killed Jessica.
It’s very easy to sit on this side of the fence and lambast the 300 odd witnesses who turned hostile. Let me ask you one question, “What would you have done if you were the 301st witness”. I would be true to admit that I would have been the first one “jo chat pet tha” (who was on the roof).
A mighty politician’s son! Where do I stand? What can I do? I am the 301st witness; I saw what was happening and did nothing. I killed justice. I killed Jessica.
But the positive that came out of this whole episode was the heroism of media. Birth of a new media, a media which was proactive; a media which was there to help. Considered, media too was not selfless. It did what could have attracted TRP’s. But what really is the TRP? It’s a measure of the interest a news story garners from the public. The public today is interested in the proactive role of media. Up till now we had nowhere to go. Police stations were a dreaded place. Courts used to give us shivers. We have media to rush to now.
Today even common man like you and me can stand up to anyone. Be it even the PM of the country, leave aside any tuchha-muccha politician. The non-confident “I will take you to the police/courts”, has given way to the confident, “I will drag you in front of the media”.
The 301st witness will not be on the roof no more. He is ready to testify.
Top 10 Examples of Jugaad in India
“Aapko koi problem nahin hogi, maine jugaad kar rakhi hai”. “Kuch setting ho toh batao”. “Are apni upar tak setting hai”. Every one of us would have come across something similar at one point or the other. What exactly is this much celebrated setting aka jugaad? Well, it can simply be defined as an improvised quick fix to a tricky situation; goes to the extent of bending the rules; wisely attributed to lateral thinking.
Let me list down the top 10 examples of jugaad in India over the years.
- The Third Front as Alternative Governance
Recent elections have shown a new trend. The opportunist, UPA/NDA discards come together to form an alternative famously known as “Third Front”. It’s nothing more than a jugaad with sole purpose to bargain hard with UPA/NDA when time comes to form the Govt. Everyone knows it is not long term, but as to the purpose of holding the Govt to ransom it has worked quiet well. - Chidambram as Home Minister
Prithiviraj Patil was busy putting make-up and changing wardrobes amidst the 26/11 attacks. He needed to go and went he did! The big question was “Who would fill the empty chair”? Chidambram, known to be an astute economist, was fitted to run the Home Ministry. Barring a few fiasco (Hindu terror, Shoe sting et al), expected of a jugaad, PC has more or less fulfilled the role of a workable HM. - Ravindra Jadeja as All Rounder
The lack of all round cricketers in India is well known. One too many players have been tried by the selectors. When all else failed, time was ripe for the jugaad, Ravindra Jadeja. This jugaad failed and failed miserably. It even put a question mark to the very existence of jugaad. This, until he was selected again. You can hate jugaad, you can love jugaad, you can’t ignore jugaad. - Students and College Exams
Most of us never studied the whole semester and used to bunk the classes. At the verge of exams, we had no notes/no idea. The jugaad used to come into effect. Whole course was divided into 4-5 parts, depending upon the number of friends in the group. Each one read a particular section and then explained it to the rest of the group. I still don’t understand how, but we faired really well, Jugaad rocks!!! - L K Advani as Leader of Opposition
The fight for the post of Leader of Opposition was out in the open. Feelers were doing the rounds. When the GenX of the BJP leaders failed to come to a settlement, it was time for jugaad. The age old tested campaigner Advani, who till then had shown inclination to retire from active politics was brought back and he did some serious damage to UPA over price rise and corruption issues. - Security in India
Secuity setup in most of the places in India works on jugaad. Overworked/underpaid policemen; lack of proper fighting equipments; lack of transport vehicles; lack of proper police station. When people say, “How the hell do we not see anarchy in such a scenario?” I tell them it is the Indian jugaad of 3rd Degree. If you get caught by frustrated law enforcers, God help you! - Elections year after year
If you know someone who has acted as an Electoral Officer, you would know the whole election runs on nothing but jugaad. Govt officers are made poll officers, School/ Colleges are made the poll booths, Long lines at booths with no facility at all. Locals provide the chai/paani/lodging to the booth officers posted in remote areas. In tribal areas, the poll stationary is transported on Elephants. At some places people vote under lantern light. But this jugaad has stood the test of time and hopefully will continue doing so in the future. - Manmohan Singh as Prime Minister
When Sonia Gandhi did not accept the post of PM after 2004 victory, there was a big frenzy as to the appointment of the PM. Dr. Manmohan Singh, a respected, senior member of Congress party, was employed as a jugaad. Never contested an election, not known to be conniving politician, he turned out to be a shining success of Indian jugaad and how! Into his second term, the jugaad continues to rattle iron man Advani at his own game. - IPL in South Africa
IPL2 in SA is a shining example in the Indian jugaad armory. At couple of weeks notice, it was decided to shift the event to SA. Frenetic night outs, back room negotiations and “karna hai” attitude paved way to one of the highly successful events in cricketing history. It was a city moment of jugaads. - Baap of All Jugaads: Sheila Dixit (Common Wealth Games)
To term CWG, Baap of all Jugaads won’t be a misnomer. Everything was left to the last moment, to the chance. Sports Minister termed it the Fat Punjabi wedding, which turns out well at the end. A quick fix to the impounding problems, CM Shiela Dixit was the jugaad to get the games up and running. And boy did she turn out to be one hell of a jugaad. The opening ceremony was a grand success and the whole world came to know and respect the great Indian Jugaad. Bharat Bhagya Vidhata!
Joint Parliamentary Committee (JPC)?
We have been exposed to a new phenomenon during the recent times. I am talking about the Joint Parliamentary Committee (JPC). Opposition wants to have a JPC, Ruling party does not want to give a JPC and Common man is left wondering what the JPC is?
By JPC, I understand a committee jointly constituted by parliamentarians across the party lines. How is it any different from any other gazillion committees that are formed to probe matters? Why the obsession? Will it prove to be of any help?
JPC is constituted mainly in the cases where people don’t have faith that the Govt. will allow an impartial probe or the Govt. wants to impress that it has nothing to hide. There are no specific rules to it and very few references to generalize from. JPC does not have any punitive powers. It can only pass resolution and give recommendations. Let’s delve in a bit of history. In all there have been four investigative JPC’s till now as below:
JPC 1
- Cause: Bofors scam in ‘87.
- Days Parliament was stalled before it was constituted: 45.
- Effect: Recommendations were rejected by the opposition party.
- Timeline: Aug ‘87- April ‘88.
JPC2
- Cause: Harshad Mehta scandal in ‘92.
- Days Parliament was stalled before it was constituted: 17.
- Effect: Recommendations partially accepted but never implemented.
- Ministers summoned: Dr Manmohan Singh (then Finance Minister).
JPC3
- Cause: Ketan Parekh securities scam in ‘01.
- Days Parliament was stalled before it was constituted: 15.
- Effect: Recommended a lot of stringent changes to stock market regulations but were diluted later on.
- Timeline: April ‘01-Dec ‘02.
- Ministers summoned: Mr Yashwant Sinha (then Finance Minister).
JPC4
- Cause: Pesticide in Soft dirnks in’ 03.
- Effect: Recommended guidelines for water usage by Soft drink companies.
- Timeline: Aug ‘03-Feb ‘04.
So what will the JPC achieve in this case and why is Govt. not allowing it? One thing for sure, it’s going to achieve nothing more than a set of recommendations that too in a year’s time. As to why the Govt. is not allowing it, is a bit tricky.
UPA has 259/545 in Lok Shabha and 91/243 in Rajya Sabha. Given these funny numbers from the coalition era and SP/BSP giving outside support, UPA will be in minority with strength of around 7 in a 15 member JPC. UPA might not be able to dictate terms in the JPC.
In the past the ministers summoned were Finance Ministers but this time the focus is on PM himself. Congress is worried that JPC might summon Dr. Manmohan Singh for questioning. Thus it is ready to sacrifice entire Winter session. If PM is summoned it would be highly embarrassing to the Govt.
Also the opposition will get a potent tool against the Govt. with leaks from investigation sprayed across the media. Govt. can ill afford it.
Verdict: Govt. might not allow a JPC in this matter. Winter session will be sacrificed.
For Now: For Ever
Getting bored sans interesting company during my recent train journey, I took a pen and paper and decided to write. I realized that it’s been a long time since I wrote something considerable using pen and paper. In fact with e-transfers in vogue, I barely sign my cheque these days.
There were times when one thought of no alternative to felling trees for paper. Today laptop/computer is increasingly replacing it. I remember getting scolded for bad hand writing. I guess I turned out to be pretty far sighted coz these days it hardly matters. No matter how permanent things seems they are essentially temporary.
Horses/Bullocks pulled passenger carts for the longest time. They have become almost extinct today from cities and villages alike.
Oil was drilled for the first time around 150 years ago. No one knew then that we had only 250 years of this fuel on earth. We took it to be permanent. Every other thing started running on oil. Now that it is about to run out, new form of yet another temporary nuclear energy is already here.
Similar are the phases of life. Good and Bad. It is said that good thing about bad time is that it is temporary. I used to get tensed at most trivial things during early years of my life. It took me some time to understand the futility of it. To control it.
During the bad times, one needs to stop being short sighted. Say you are tensed about your exam results. Try and think of the time 6 months from now. Will you be alive? Yes. Will you be fine? Yes. Ease yourself. Never take tension. Take action. You can’t alter the result of the exam. Better stop worrying. It you worry for now, you will worry for ever.
Likewise it’s futile to sulk over the mistakes committed in the past. What’s important is what one learns from them. Mistakes committed are in a temporary moment. What one learns from them remains permanently in life.
Racism: Reverse and Progressive
A lot has kept us busy as a nation last couple of weeks. CWG, Mohali win and most recently some serious allegations of racism against a few officials from down under.
If I am right, Ministry of External Affairs, India summoned High Commissioners of respective countries and lodged protests. Last I heard the said individuals either resigned or were ousted and rightly so. Such behavior has no place in civilized societies.
Okay, tell me one thing. Has racism sprung up all of a sudden during recent times? The answer would be a no. Racism is a perception which a society or a race developes about contemporary society or race overtime. It’s just that with the advent of Globalization, these days we get to know of it real time. Earlier Lord Ganesha on Chappals was mere fashion for a society that doesn’t know anything about him, Today it is offensive.
Tell me frankly, how many of us think Bhajji did indeed utter “Maa Ki” and not the racist slur. Why then were we as a nation hell bent on seeing Bhajji free of the allegations? Now come ‘on, it had nothing to do with lack of evidence or anything thereof. If such had been the case then all our politicians were saints.
To be frank it’s about who is leveling the allegations. Had the opposite team been Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, West Indies or for that matter South Africa, we as a nation might not have backed our player to that extent. Why? Coz we have seen long periods of unabashed Aussie sledging as a reminder of the days of the Raj perhaps.
When a society which has perception of being shamelessly racist, throws up allegations of such sort, it seems rubbing salt in the wound. You gotta handle what you dish out. Right?
But what worries me more is a developing phenomenon, Reverse Racism. In our part of world racism is generally related to prejudice that developed white nations have against us about them being superior. The aspect of racism under which emerging societies like us berate, taunt or create a certain perception about developed nations is what I call Reverse Racism.
When white girls are considered nothing but free meat. Whole society is said to lack values. If it’s not racism, what is it? I was shocked to see in a recent episode of Bigg Boss, a dozen white models in skimpy dresses made to dance with the ousted contestant. Just as his inaam. When the whole crowd enjoys it, it’s not just racism, it’s sadness.
Equally frightening is Progressive Racism. Progressive racism is when slightly more developed race is prejudiced against slightly lesser developed race.
When an African student in Delhi University is called Kaalu. A person from the same region is called Habshi on national TV. When CWG teams from African countries are given step motherly treatment. On daily basis do we see jokes being made on color of skin on TV. “Abey door hat, tu rang chodta hai”. “Sab log fair and lovely lagate hain, yeh cherry blossom lagata hai”. “Abe langoor ke bhai”.
I am not trying to be apologetic here, I hate that frankly. But if such progressive and reverse racism continues in our society, we too would lose our moral right to complain. We would just be another hypocrite in the bunch. Do we really want that? It’s bit scary to answer, isn’t it?
Checking the Trends
Who do we love more? Mom or Dad. Who do we think about more? Jesus or Satan. Do we Love more than we Hate? One would agree, these questions are quite vague to answer. Not any more. Thanks to Google’s insatiable desire to hold more and more dough over its users, we are now able to analyze the search pattern traffic over the years via Google Trends. As much as I hate Google for storing private data, I love the way they use it.
Mom vs Dad
Mom seems to be the favorite here. Time for Dad’s to buckle up or lose the battle.
IPad vs Kindle
Since IPad is quite new, let’s consider just the last year’s data. IPad beats Kindle quite easily. Despite being a new entrant, people prefer it over Kindle. It seems IPad will put out this Kindle soon.
Engineer vs Doctor
I have always taken pride in being an engineer. But my doctor friends can smile now. I concede. You win. You are more dear to people than me.
Apple vs Microsoft vs Google
No prizes for guessing. Google beats Apple and Microsoft by a margin. Microsoft seems to be on a decline and next year’s data might though some shocking statistics.
Twitter vs Orkut vs Myspace vs Facebook
Facebook is way ahead of its peers. For Twitter/Orkut/MySpace, seems a tough life ahead.
BJP vs Gandhi
I tried Advani, Vajpayee etc v/s Gandhi. They never stood a chance, anyways. I then decided to put the whole BJP against the Gandhi surname. BJP lost quite heavily. No wonder they lost the election. A surname seems mighty.
Cricket vs Football vs Basketball
Football dominates globally. Cricket and Basketball have a long way to go. As far as Indian subcontinent is concerned, it’s the other way round.
Beauty vs Brain
The age old question has been left in the deadlock again. It’s a virtual tie between beauty and the brain. It seems we still have not been able to make up our minds b/w Female beauty and Male brain.
Oil vs Blood
Oil and Blood go neck and neck showing their equal importance. Given that so much blood has been spilt because of oil, this seems hardly surprising.
War vs Peace
Man’s violent nature and urge for war is evident here. Peace seems to be the last thing on the mind.
Love vs Hate
Well there seems to be some hope left. Despite the urge for war, man has not forgotten the cardinal urge to love. We still haven’t learned to hate each other as much.
Same Same but Different
Last night I had this amazing dream. I woke up at night with lights flashing all over. A man with big mustache and vintage golden dress was standing tall, over me, and laughing loud. “Wake up, you lazy bugger, Wake up”. Sleepy and startled, my first reaction was to blame it on the overdose of Vodka that night. But soon the gravity of the situation or can I say the lack of it dawned on me. Aaj toh lag gayi Mamu!
He told me I was dead. Died of a certain Gastropathic attack. Gas! Couldn’t it have been something legendary? Like being attacked by flying dragons while jumping of a plane which collided with a UFO. Leave it. I died of Gas alright.
Here I was, one moment trying to realize my dreams, my future and the very next facing the shock of my demise. My whole life flashed before my eyes. Family, Friends, Future. What now? I begged, pleaded with my soul transporter. Let me live to make things work, make things right.
It’s hard to say that it was my lucky day, given that I just died. But he took pity to me which clearly didn’t seem to match his M.O. “There’s one condition though”, said he. “Here it comes” “Give me a reason to let You live. Hey it’s easy, “I have so much left to do in my life. Get married. Make a career. Have kids”. He gave me a smile. “You don’t seem to get my question. Why should I let You and not some other person, live”
I was just an answer away. Given that I have been writing exams all my life, it shouldn’t have been that difficult. But believe you me, however hard I tried, I couldn’t get an answer.
Have you ever thought? Trying to make a mark in life, a place for ourselves, we have ended up being clones of each other. Lost that very individuality that we have been craving for, fighting for. When I look outside my apartment all I see is blinking stars. Only they are not stars, they are other apartments. We are all boxed up. All flats look same. All work looks same. All roads look same. All blokes look same. How is my life any different to my fellow men?
Well, it only seems logical that we all be same. The funda of evolution revolves around learning and surviving. We learn from others, grab the best of all and apply to our lives. Thereby becoming a hybrid.
With the advent of cut throat competition, this cloning process has only hastened. Don’t you remember your mother/wife saying, “Pados waale Sharma ji jo TV laaye hain humein bhi wohi chaiye” Or a kid crying that he wants the new Play station which his friends have. You covet other mans wife, car, house, life.
If we look at it the other way round, “What’s the problem in being clones” After all we are all born humans. Same at birth. Same creator. Same creation. Why is the need to be different? Just that it doesn’t seem all that right to be part of a monotonous system. It just seem what can I say, unnatural.
The similarity doesn’t end with the lives we tread; it follows us to our grave. However hard we have tried to make our post-death ceremonies different, the truth is, after a certain point, nothing but dust remains.
Anyhow, I was not able to answer the question of the big mustached guy. Good that it was just a dream. Am not sure what I had done for real. Not even sure I really do care to be all that distinctive. I might try now and then, something out of the blue to be different. Might also be successful at that for a while. Till someone decides to catch up and steal my thunder of course.
ArpitGarg's Weblog 